Early St. Patrick's rants.................

I'm not going to rehash any of my past rants about St. Patrick's Day, but my god people. The Irish are bad, but that's a post of its own. This post is about the people who wish they were Irish (or are Irish by marriage not blood).

This past Saturday I got an early morning wake up call from McBob's asking if I could come in and help out for a bit for the parade that. Sure, why not...............

• The number of people who specifically ask for "a green beer" please. Really all you care is about the color? What if I put food coloring in piss, will you drink it? The bar had a keg of green Miller Lite for the idiots, but some people wanted Budweiser in green. The bar was then putting green food coloring in pitchers of Bud for those who wanted it. (Note- I refused every time that someone asked me to do this, come on people.) The food coloring made it almost black, not green.
• A woman (wearing green with an "Irish" crown thing on) came up to order shots. I asked her "what do you need" She replied "It's not going to be easy." Jokingly I said "Tullamore or Jameson, it should be pretty easy." She then proceeded to tell me how to make a shot which was a shot of tequila with a splash of grenadine and a splash of sprite. Awful any day, especially on St. Patrick's Day. You call yourself Irish?
• The bar also provided a complimentary potato bar (obviously) for the customers. I couldn't throw a dead cat in the place without some asking "is there any other complimentary food, or is this it?" Yes this it, and you are lucky to have that. We're talking about heated up potatoes and the fixins. This is the good life.
• I also received a few phone calls and requests for a reservation on Wednesday for St. Patrick's Day. A reservation? This is a bar people. This is their Christmas. Come on.
• For some reason the bar left the jukebox on instead of just playing Irish music and the s**t people were playing on this day. Alicia Keys, Kings of Leon, some death-metal, Stevie Wonder, Prince, Weezer. Come on people.

I can only wait for actually Wednesday. I tell you now. I am going to hide away and try to interact with as few Irish people as possible.

St. Patrick's Day additions

I would have added this clip to my post yesterday about St. Patrick's day, but I had not seen it yet. This is a pretty funny clip about how angry Irish people are about the AIG bailout.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Rage in the Streets
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Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

Learn how to act

Yesterday at the last minute I was called in to celebrity bartend at my not so local tavern for St. Patrick's Day. I only worked the short shift from 5-10, but I got a good jist of little people know about going out in public.

• Do not call it "St. Pat's Day," it is St. Patrick's Day a-hole.
• If you go to an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day, it will be busy. You don't have to keep saying, "man, it is busy here. I didn't think you guys would be busy."
• Don't just order "a green beer" for the sake of ordering a green beer. Order what beer you would normally drink. I lost count of the number of people who just ordered "a green beer" and didn't care what it was. I think as a joke you should order a keg of O'DOuls or another N/A beer and dye it green.
• Someone actually tried to order Bushmill's, I just walked away.
• There are correct and polite ways to order a drink, the bartender is not missing you on purpose. Do not waive money at them. The bartender isn't skipping you because he doesn't know if you have money, and then oh wait, now he sees the money, so now he will help you.
• Know one else cares how drunk you are: you should come in, drink and drink, and once you are drunk get up and leave. There were so many people (some already at 5 p.m.) who were screaming "I'm drunk!" - I don't care. There were people knocking over glasses and spilling, without a care of who would be cleaning it. There were drunks who thought because they were drunk, that they deserved to get served drinks before people less drunk.
  
• I made the comment to another bartender there, "Doesn't anyone just sit in their basement alone and drink anymore?"
• All in all, a good time. You can tell who has done this before and is a professional, and who is a first-timer.
  

St. Patrick's Day Again

I know last year I blogged a few random rantings after St. Patrick's day, but this year I thought I would make a few observations the day before.

• St. Patrick's Day is a great holiday.
• It's the only day when you can go into a bar and order a "pint" and the bartender automatically gets you a Guinness.
• I still believe anyone who drinks green bar to look cool is an a**-hole.
• You should enjoy Guinness all the time, don't just drink in on St. Pat's
• You don't have to wear green today, and smack anyone who says diffently.
• All Irish Whiskey is a beautiful thing
  
• Don't order a Newcastle or a Bass just to be a dick.
• Don't order a Bushmills to try to make a statement.
• Don't pretend you go out to bars all the time, people can spot an a**-hole a mile away.
• St. Pat's day is a great day to buy someone else a shot, especially if you aren't Irish.
• It's also a great day to eat a potato like an apple.
• I still stand by my statement that you shouldn't wear an Irish shirt that you think is clever, guess what, it's not clever at all.
  

Everyone go out and have a great time. If you get into a bar fight (and you probably will) don't forget to fight dirty.

Post St. Patrick Blues

Some thoughts after St. Patrick's Day........

People who pretend that they are Irish are bigger assholes than people who are really Irish.

I know its St. Patrick's Day, I don't know need everyone to be wearing a shirt that tells me that.

Less is more when it comes to wearing hideous beads, hats, buttons on St. Patrick's Day.

Some people don't understand to just have fun when they go out, leave the drama at home people.

Don't let your heritage write checks that your ass can't cash.

If you can't wait 2 minutes for a drink when a bar is busy, you have bigger problems than not having a drink.

Don't ask for drink specials on the second biggest drinking night of the year, and then be disappointed that they don't have any specials.

Trust me, we can tell if you're Irish or not; you don't need to continually tell people that and you don't need a shirt either.

If you're not Irish, don't worry people can tell that too; so stop pretending.

All in all a great Holiday. Everyone can enjoy it, unfortunately even assholes.

Is nothing sacred....

Ever since high school I have worked at an Irish bar, one of my best friends currently works at another Irish bar, and another of my friends is 125% Irish, so I take this stuff pretty seriously. Something needs to be talked about/ ranted about regarding amateurs on St. Patrick's Day.

1) In Ireland it is a sacred day filled with mass and family time, not non-atop partying. (They do that 364 days a year). So, go out and have a few, but make it fun. Go out with family and friends to a place where the emphasis is having a good time. Not standing alone at a bar slamming them back and mentally undressing every girl in the room.

2) Unlike New Years don't pre-party so much that you are passed out, puking, with your pants at your ankles by 6 PM. The Irish emphasize longevity in their drinking. Lets make it last people.

3) Don't pretend that you love Irish beer and food all year round, just because you pretend to one day a year. I have witnessed many people coming into these tradiitonally Irish Bars on St. Patty's Day and pretending like they own the place and are there are all time. Hey ass-hole, I am here all the time and never seen you here. Shut up, sit down and enjoy your appletini.

4) DOn't brake out every Irish joke you know, and have been storing up all year, today. Hey, this is their day, give them a break. They know their drunks and love meat and potatoes, a non-clever joke about two guys walking into a bar isn't making it any easier.

5) Finally, and by far most importantly, DO NOT DRINK GREEN BEER. Drink a really Irish beer: Guinness, Swithwicks, or Harp. Who ever connected the Irish with green is beyond me. I've never seen a green Irish man, most of them are pae ass white with red hair. Coloring a beer does not make it any more Irish. I have seen a sign saying "come in and have a green Miller Lite, the official sponsor of St. Patrick's Day." What the hell?? Who authorized this? Who represents all Irish people everywhere? Conan O'Brien?? Tracy McGrady?? ST. Patrick would be rolling in his grave if he knew a Unionized, American, watered-down, green beer was the sponsor of his day. I have been working at an Irish bar and have seen people get angry and leave when they are told that we do not have green beer. I told them I could punch them in the eye and they will never see color again. Do us all a favor and knock the beer out of anyone's hand you see drinking a green beer, and tell them to get a real beer.

Maybe someday we can have a holiday where everyone goes out and drinks like a pussy and has a 3 pints of beer (or 2 appletinis) and has a shot of amaretto and calls it a night.