Ever since high school I have worked at an Irish bar, one of my best friends currently works at another Irish bar, and another of my friends is 125% Irish, so I take this stuff pretty seriously. Something needs to be talked about/ ranted about regarding amateurs on St. Patrick's Day.
1) In Ireland it is a sacred day filled with mass and family time, not non-atop partying. (They do that 364 days a year). So, go out and have a few, but make it fun. Go out with family and friends to a place where the emphasis is having a good time. Not standing alone at a bar slamming them back and mentally undressing every girl in the room.
2) Unlike New Years don't pre-party so much that you are passed out, puking, with your pants at your ankles by 6 PM. The Irish emphasize longevity in their drinking. Lets make it last people.
3) Don't pretend that you love Irish beer and food all year round, just because you pretend to one day a year. I have witnessed many people coming into these tradiitonally Irish Bars on St. Patty's Day and pretending like they own the place and are there are all time. Hey ass-hole, I am here all the time and never seen you here. Shut up, sit down and enjoy your appletini.
4) DOn't brake out every Irish joke you know, and have been storing up all year, today. Hey, this is their day, give them a break. They know their drunks and love meat and potatoes, a non-clever joke about two guys walking into a bar isn't making it any easier.
5) Finally, and by far most importantly, DO NOT DRINK GREEN BEER. Drink a really Irish beer: Guinness, Swithwicks, or Harp. Who ever connected the Irish with green is beyond me. I've never seen a green Irish man, most of them are pae ass white with red hair. Coloring a beer does not make it any more Irish. I have seen a sign saying "come in and have a green Miller Lite, the official sponsor of St. Patrick's Day." What the hell?? Who authorized this? Who represents all Irish people everywhere? Conan O'Brien?? Tracy McGrady?? ST. Patrick would be rolling in his grave if he knew a Unionized, American, watered-down, green beer was the sponsor of his day. I have been working at an Irish bar and have seen people get angry and leave when they are told that we do not have green beer. I told them I could punch them in the eye and they will never see color again. Do us all a favor and knock the beer out of anyone's hand you see drinking a green beer, and tell them to get a real beer.
Maybe someday we can have a holiday where everyone goes out and drinks like a pussy and has a 3 pints of beer (or 2 appletinis) and has a shot of amaretto and calls it a night.
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