Quick Note

I just turned on the Packers game and saw that Jennings, Driver, Lee, Kampman, and Woodson are all inactive. Lame. I know you don't want to get hurt, and all those players have been a little injured this year, but I worry about them having 2 whole weeks off now until they play again. This may backfire. Plus, this is going to be a boring game for us fans to watch. And do you really want to lose 2 divisional games in a row going into the playoffs? And if injuries are the concern, why is Favre playing? I think Rodgers is out too, let's see KGB back there as QB, why not if this game is "meaningless?" Except of course to see Lions fans see there team finish under .500 yet again.

Sports Writers

Yesterday in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel had an article praising the glories of Packers' GM Ted Thompson's 2007 draft. Don't get me wrong, Ted Thompson may not be as big of a joke as I once thought (I once called him the "Ned Yost of Footbal GMs"), but I think the jury is still out. Let's see how the Packers finish the year and what he does in the off season (maybe actually sign a free agent??) But I will not say that he had a good draft last year.

Let's take a quick look: (Thompson's grades himself here.)

Round 1: Justin Harrell- bust, has barely played, only active for 4 games. Luckily our defensive line already has 4 starters and a 3rd down back, so we don't need him. Currently listed as our 3rd left defensive tackle behind Ryan Pickett and Corey Williams.

Round 2: Brandon Jackson- bust, currently listed as our #3 back.

Round 3: James Jones- great pick, one of the better rookie wideouts in the league. He's our #3 receiver, but would be many teams #2.

Aaron Rouse- another really good pick, filled in nicely when Nick Collins was out, hopefully a starter next year. Now if he could replace Bigby at the other safety position (Bigby is worst safety in league).

Round 4: Allen Barbre- never heard of him. Filled in on a few snaps at guard. Useless.

Round 6: Korey Hall- good pick. Is basically our starting fullback, but its a fullback position, nothing special. He block well, has few rushing yards, few catches. Is replaceable, but serviceable (like my ex-wife).

Desmond Bishop- a special teams player, nothing special. Gone in a year.

Mason Crosby- Really good pick. 2nd in league in points this year. Quite acurate, hit game winner in first game he played. Hopefully we keep him, but will never replace Longwell. (Why did we let him and Sharper go to Minnesota?)

Round 7: DeShawn Wynn- Useless, currently our #4 running back, in a league when you have 3 listed running backs. Already injury-prone. Can anyone say practice squad.

Overall, an ok draft, maybe B-/C+. We wasted our 1st and 2nd round picks. Had a really good 3rd round, and got Crosby late, otherwise everyone else is replaceable.

Best of 2007...

I think I have my anger under control today and will take this calm to point out my list of best of 2007......

Books: You all know I can't read.

Movies: (In no particular order) Gone Baby Gone, No Country For Old Men, Superbad, Lars and the Real Girl, Juno, Bourne Ultimatum, Once

TV: (Due to the writer's strike this is abrupt) The Office, Heroes

Reality TV: They all suck, you are dumber for watching.

Music: White Stripes-Icky Thump, Band of Horses- Cease to Begin, Kanye West- Graduation, Arcade Fire- Neon Bible, Klaxons- Myths of the Near Future, Shout Out Louds- Our Ill Wills

Celebrity Scandal- Jamie Lynn Spear's pregnancy (now there is a report that the real father is a producer on her show, and they are paying this kid to say he is the father to cover it up and avoid statutory rape charges. Fantastic!)

Celebrity Cover-Up: Jessica Alba saying her fiance Cash Warren is the father of her child, and not me.

Biggest Sports Surprise: Ned Yost somehow NOT being fired. (Close second- Packers winning NFC North)

Cowards

Unfortunetly anger cannot take a day off. Even on Christmas I see and read things that get me angry. Yesterday in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel I read an article originally from the New York TImes about a trend called "Shopdropping."

In this people ("hippies") put merchandise and propaganda into stores and merchandise instead of taking things from the store. They put propaganda fliers in books, anti consumer groups put replica merchandise on shelves, small musical artists and authors put there products on the shelves. (I always wondered why that Tickle Me Elmo I bought a few years back started screaming for help every time someone tickled it instead of laughing like it was suppossed to.)

I don't know why, but I am finding this practice to be bizarre. Seems very cowardly way of going about things. Didn't anyone ever hear of facing your enemy straight on? How about some "Fight Club" tactics? Hippies!

This is yet another reason the terrorists are winning and sales are down at all store across the nation. People think they might be buying some hippy-created propaganda.

Here's to another anger-filled holiday. Wouldn't have it any other way.

On Notice.. (Update)

I am creating this blog to draw attention to the newest member of my On Notice list....Mother Nature. On Saturday it was 45 degrees, a beautiful day for mid-December. At night it started to rain, but at least it wasn't cold. Then 6 hours later when I awoke on Sunday it was down to 15 degrees. It fell 30 degrees in 6-10 hours! Since it had been raining all night and now was freezing, there was a nice lick layer of ice everywhere on Sunday morning, including my car. All my doors were iced-frozen shut and I could not open any of them. I had to open my trunk and climb into my car, a task may extra difficult due to the "contents" of my trunk (wink wink). Mother Nature was also to blame for the horrific Packers' game and thus many northern-Wisconsin housewives feeling the wrath of their drunken-husbands. The Packers losing is one thing, but that was just a horrific game to watch. Shame on you Mother Nature, you are officially on notice.

(UPDATE)
It turns out that the ice actually broke my driver's side door handle. I can now unlock the door but when I lift the handle nothing happens, the ice broke it by dislodging it from something inside the door. So now I cannot enter my car from the driver's side, real classy. That's already 2 strike Mother Nature, one more and you are dead to me.

Happy Festivus!

More Parenting Advice...

We have all already heard the news that Britney Spear's younger sister, Jamie Lynn (now that's a white trash name if I ever heard of one), is 12 weeks pregnant, oh yeah and she s only 16. Whore! This story is funny on many levels.

• First their mother had written a book on parenting that was going to be released in like 2 weeks. That book has not been put on hold indefinetly. I guess no one wants to read a book on how to raise your daughter to become crazy, head-shaving, drug addicted, whores.
• Secondly, Jamie Lynn is on some Nickelodean show that a lot of kids watch. I guess they will have to work her pregnant character into the story line (the 'Friends' method), or maybe kill off her character (the 'Lost' method).
• Lastly, this is hilarious because of article like this. Housewifes all over the country are worried about their daughters reaction to this situation. What will I tell my daughter about a 16 year old becoming pregnant. That CNN article has a lot of fake ways to approach the issue, I suggest the following dialogue:

Daughter: "Mommy, mommy! Jamie Lynn is pregnant. I'm confused, she's only 16 and not married. I thought you said babies come from two people when they really love each other and are married, then God gives them a baby."

Mom: "Well little Michelle, sometimes when a 16 year-old girl is really insecure and has low self-esteem she will do anything for attention. She will lie down and spread her legs for any douche bag in town. This guy is usually willing to bang anyone, especially if she is famous or really insecure, he may even tell her that he loves her just to bang her. After railing her he will usually leave her and want nothing to do with her or the baby. And that dear is where babies really come from."

Daughter: "Oh that makes sense. I can't wait until prom this year, maybe I can be like Jamie Lynn and get pregnant too. That would be so cool."

That's the holidays.....

I was just at Target finishing up the holiday shopping, at least the stuff I couldn't get at the $1 store. I was walking in the candy aisle and there was this nice younger girl on her cell phone seemingly talking to her boyfriend. HEre's their conversastion: "Honey I found the perfect gift for you, its great so don't go buy anything for yourself. (Pause while she listens) I'll be back soon, I;m almost done, just don't go to the liquor store please."

Hilarious, "don't go to the liquor store." Now that's the holidays. I have yet to have a good holiday without going to the liquor store, what gives. I give this relationship about 2 more months.

Terrorists......

I am not one of those "Blame America First" people but apparently there are many of them out there this time of year. Every year around now you hear all this hype about how retailers and businesses need a strong shopping season to help boost America out of their recession, and every year sales are well below expectations. Well here this year we are seeing the same story. I am tired of the same old thing every year. If I don't spend that much money around the holidays, it doesn't mean that I think the terrorists are winning and that I am afraid of spending my money, it's just that I am a sad and lonely man who legally can have no contact with my kids. I send money to my ex-wife every month. It's not my fault that instead of her spending that money on our kids she spends it on her drug addiction and for her going to get her online degree in general studies so she can continue to do nothing with her life.

Great Parenting

There may be a certain judge out there who says I am in adequate to be a father and can not be within 500 feet of my children, but over the weekend I ran into at least dads that need more parenting assistance than I do.

I went to my local tavern on Friday night to grab some food and then sit around and wash away my emotional troubles of the week with a few beers. I get to the tavern around 8 and there is a guy sitting at the bar with his 5-6 year old kid. If you want to take your kid out to get some food at a tavern, sit at one of the tables, not at the bar. This Dad of the Year candidate proceeds to stay at the bar until 1:30. The kid is literally asleep at the bar from 11 PM on until they leave.

Then on Saturday I went to go see I am Legend (Two Thumbs Up) and some guy brouight his 1-2 year old to the movie. The movie is PG-13 and is pretty intense and has a fair amount of violence in it. So of course this kid is crying and making all kinds of noice, until about haf way through the movie the guyy finally leaves. Isn't there a more appropriate movie you could take your kid to?

Hasn't anyone ever heard of a baby-sitter in this day and age so you can go to the bar or a movie without your kid?

Fun With Commercials

It's always sad to see once famous people take incredible falls in life. You may recognize the voices from the following commercial as Steve Buscemi and Norm McDonald. Both once famous, now playing the voices of gingerbread on a commercial that will air for less than a month. Steve Buscemi was the best part in earlier Coen Brother's movies, and Norm McDonald was the funniest person to do Weekend Update on SNL.

Nice Advice dude......

I decided to lie around tonight and just wash TV instead of my usual scourging the streets for a new wife. Then I remembered that the writers were still on strike and there was nothing on TV. I decided to watch Deal or No Deal to see what all the hype was about. First off, the show is terrible. Nothing happens, someone picks a case and then are offered money depending on the odds of it being more or less in the case. Tonight they had the cast of The Office on to help the contestants make their decisions. Here's a tip: Don't take financial advice from people who make more in one day than you make in a year. They were telling this guy to turn down $80,000 because "that's not a lot of money, take a chance." Hey Einstein, the average one person salary in America is $30,000. Not everyone gets paid $100,000 an episode to speak some lines that someone else wrote into a camera. It turns out that this idiot followed these millionaires advice and ended up winning only $20,000.

He did it again......

Ladies and gentlemen your blogfather here has done it again. He has gotten another girl pregnant and then broken it off with to raise the baby alone. Reports say that Jessica Alba is now with child. Sure the reports say that the father is her boyfriend's (Cash Warren, made up name), but really it is mine. Sure she will say that she has never met me, or even heard of me, again lies. No one can resist this.

Snow Day!

Hope all you bloggers had fun at work! (except all those bums who read this blog) Your blog-father here had a snow day and did not have to go to work, eat it.

Go back to announcer school...

I was lying around not hungover watching some football today and found the announcers of the Packers game to be terrible. It was Rich Gannon and some other idiot. First, they kept referring to Rich Gannon as former-MVP. He had 2 good years on a very good Raiders team that choked in the Super Bowl, otherwise before that he was passed around the league like my first wife backstage at a John Mayer concert. Secondly they kept referring to players by what team they used to play for. For example: "former Dolphin Donald Lee. Former New York Jet Lamont Jordan." Donald Lee has been on the Packers for 3 years, and has a whopping 20 catches during his career with the Dolphins. I really don't care about what team these players played for 4 years ago, just commentate the game. They also kept referring to the "cadence of the Favre's snap count." How many drunk football fans understand what cadence means, especially while they are beating their wife? Lets use simple words like the randomness of Favre's snap count.

Remember this name

Remember the name Michael Cera in a few years, he will be known as one of the funniest comedic actors around. He is most know as his role as high schooler George Michael Bluth on the much under appreciated Arrested Development. He played this dorky high schooler that was awkward in most social situations. It now turns out that is the best role for him to play. Anyone who has seen Superbad will tell you that he is hilarious, and he plays the same dorky role. He is now in the movie Juno (compared to Little Miss Sunshine) and again he plays a dorky kid, who gets a girl pregnant and hijinks ensue (I can relate to that).

I found this clip that is if Michael Cera was in Knocked Up. I think this is funnier than the actual movie.



This is a clip of a motivational clip by Michael Cera, hilarious.



He also made a online show which is a mocumentary of his life while on Arrested Development. A preview is below, but the real episodes are hilarious.

Fun with Commercials...

Introducing the second installment of Fun with Commercials. Today we are featuring a commercial that reminds me of the days when Snow.man would stay up all hours of the night playing video games. He would really get into those games and would end up punching holes in the wall, screaming and yelling, and throwing people out of the window.




If this video game system were real and that interactive, I couldn't wait to play the game where I get to stand outside of my ex-wifes house and wait for her new husband to go to work........

What year is it......

I was killing time this evening reading celebrity blogs and what not. Besides Kiefer Sutherland being sentenced to 48 days in jail, which I'm not worried about because Jack Bauer escaped a federal prison in 50 minutes in Season 3. I read that a man is suing Lindsay Lohan from when she hit him in her car, way back in 2005. We are 24 days away from 2008, and someone is first suing someone for what happened in 2005? He claims he can now prove she was drunk when she hit him. What ever lab he sent her blood work to must really suck. I'm no legal guy or anything but I'm pretty sure it should take less than 2+ years to be able to prove that someone was drunk when they hit you. I think they have these field sobriety tests or something. The only experience I have with law and court rooms is sitting in on my 4 divorce hearings.

I should have went to Wal*Mart

I am a big fan of Target (soft G) as half of my wardrobe will attest to. They ahve a large selction of everything. You can get toothpaste and car batteries at the same store. They have good prices, the stores are clean, friendly staff, has many locations, and I met my first wife there (that might be a negative actually). Wal*Mart is the root of all that is evil in today's corporate world. Yet tonight I should have gone to Wal*Mart tonight.

I ran to Target to accomplish two goals, get a red pen and Superbad movie to watch while I cried myself to sleep tonight. I get to the store and go to the pen aisle to find no red pens. I ask a friendly customer service rep who informs me that they do not carry red pens. WTF? Why in god's name would you not carry pens in the color red. They had black, blue, green, purple, but no red. Lame. I then went to the electronics section and found that they were out of Superbad on all 6 shelves. The movie is funny but its not the greatest movie since Star Wars original or anything. Whatever. I just get a movie because they actually have like 25 on sale for $4.99, tahts cheaper than renting one. I go to check out and there are 3 lines open. Its holiday shopping season people, come on. I know its lightly snowing in Wisconsin and people freak out, but you can still staff your store correctly.

Wave of my finger Target. Get it together I will be back on Saturday.

Pyramid Scheme??

I was lying around today trying to watch some American Football and saw a commercial that really made me wonder if people are actually dumber than I think. The commercial was for a company called Time Share Only. Do people still really fall for these time share schemes nowadays? I though everyone had learned their lesson and no longer fell for these traps. Seriously people get half a brain. You should do what I do when I vacation to Florida and need a place to stay. Break into some old people's home and tie them up in the closet the week I am there and enjoy there house. It's just a good as a time share except that it's free, and fun.

Somebody watched Tommy Boy....

I'm sure we have all read about the hostage situation at Hilary Clinton's campaign headquarters yesterday. It turns out the man behind it may have seen Tommy Boy one too many times and turned it into reality: "The package was not dynamite, but rather road flares duct-taped to Eisenburg’s body." I wonder if I watched that movie this afternoon if I am a Blame-America-First person, or just taking a stand against the Clinton campaign. What do I care, it's a hilarious movie.