Thursday, April 30, 2009

Fantasy World 101

Sorry about that last rant, now onto something funny. (Note this is still very sad). Watch this video first.




I am speechless, I am without speech. The funniest part is in the beginning when it says that the masked hero was abused as a child. Wow, I would have never guessed that someone that roams around the streets of Cincinnati in a halloween costumer trying to fight crime was abused as a child, very interesting.

The look that the black sheriff gives at the 1:40 mark is hilarious as well. He can't believe what he is seeing. These guys also have no idea that this news piece is making fun of them.

HEre are two web pages about this that are worth a look. Here and here.

Final side note, I avoided any reference to The Watchmen on purpose, because what they were doing was serious, this is not.

Come on people

I must first apologize, this is going to be a pure and dirty old-school rant. There will be no links citing my sources, no pictures, often times there will be no punctuation or grammar. Here we go.

This swine flu "epidemic" has gone far enough. The fact that it is one step away from being listed as a pandemic is absurd. Only about 300 people have died world-wide from it. More people have died from any combination of car accidents, heart attacks, civil wars, the common human flu, etc. This is nothing to freak out about. Being clean and eating healthy is a good thing, but let's be serious about it. IF what we get from all this is a world in which people are more concerned about cleanliness and hygiene, that is a good thing, but if what we get is a world afraid to go out in public and wear gloves and mask all day, that is absurd and sad.

Last year 35,000 people IN AMERICA died from the common human flu, that's 100 a day. So far the "swine flu" has only "killed" one. I put killed in quotes, because this person was a small child, and did not get any treatment. Mexico has reported almost 100 cases of death. First off, it is Mexico, so come on. Plus now I have been reading that only less than 10 of those cases have been confirmed as swine, the others may have been the common flu.

Also, this is not an airborn-toxin (side note the band Airborne Toxic Event may be the best new band last year.) so we do not have to worry about breathing this in. (As another side note, when I got the video linked above from youtube, all 9 featured videos on the main page were about swine flu. Sad) You get the flu like you would the normal flu, by coughing or breathing on each other or sharing anything that goes into your mouth (use your imagination here). The news last night told me that most area stores were sold out of those mouth masks that are used for painting. All this will do is make you look stupid. If it were airborne, this would do nothing. If these did stop airborne toxins you would see the military wearing these instead of their gas masks that cost millions of dollars. I actually saw people walking around the streets were plastic gloves and masks, I am not kidding, I wish I were. I also saw people just covering their mouths with their forearms. Now this is the definition of idiotic. That would do nothing.

Our nurse at our school put it best in an e-mail. She said you are actually more likely to get the regular human flu. We should be worried about that. She said she will not spread the fear by handing out gloves, masks, or other things. If you are sick, go home and get better. Yes, swine flu is real, and if you get it, take care of yourself and get back to living your life. Do not live in fear. Wash your hands, do not cough on others, and cover yourself when you sneeze. Nothing new.

One last rant. One I got to work, the lady across the hall from me told me that we'd better wipe down the desks after each class. I told her that this is probably not necessary. She then went on to say that is likely that we have someone who might have the swine flu. She said "two of my students said they went to Texas over Spring BReak." I didn't even know what to say to this. In her logic everyone that steps into Texas (even over 3 weeks ago) has the swine flu. She then said "I have a soar throat, do you." Wow.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It's been awhile..........

I don't think I've ranted about American Idol yet this year, after last year chiming in on the show almost weekly. I think this is uneven because American Idol is still horrible and is all that is wrong with America. So today after Seinfeld tonight, I stayed on Fox to watch a little bit of American Idol. I figured it wouldn't take long for me to find something to rant about.

It turns out I was right. Each week there is a theme to the show and then the week prior to the show, each contestant works with a mentor who is familiar to that theme to help them. In the past they had Stephen Tylor for 80s week, Paul McCartney for70s week, and Quentin Tarentino for movie theme songs. Quentin Tarentino was a stretch, but at least he has created a movie soundtrack, and actually won an award for it. This week their theme is Rat Pack. Now, who is going to be the mento since every member of the Rat Pack has passed away? Drum roll please................... They went with Jamie Foxx. Yes you read that right, Jamie Foxx. What in god's name does he have to do with Rat Pack music. He is a B-list actor that somehow has come out with two rap CDs (both of which are processed through the computer and feature zero singing). It blows the mind. It couldn't be because Fox own the movie, the Soloist, Jamie FOxx's new movie............. No, that couldn't be the reason.

Also on the American Idol front is this story. Fox is refusing to air President Obama's speech on Wednesday because they are afraid it will run long and disrupt American Idol. Keep in mind it's not even on at the same time as American Idol, and if it does run long, couldn't they just run American Idol long, or not have as much stupid s**t during the show (most of it is stupid s**t). That is so un-American, I don't understand how they can even call themselves "American" Idol.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Hello friend

On the lighter side..........

I ran into this article how television makes you feel less lonely and makes you feel as part of a social circle and like less of a loser. I don't buy it, I would get into it more but I am getting ready to watch House and 24 in a few minutes............


Here is a new video from Kanye West that is funny:


The end is near...........

So I figured I would be doing all of my loyal viewers an injustice if I did not comment on this swine flu "outbreak." First of, why is everyone panicking? There have been literally a handful (40) of reported cases in the U.S., even Mexico (who has the most cases) does not have many.

I once watched a 20/20 story about perceptions of fear. For example when the bird flu was the big scare, everyone was running to the doctor to get the bird flu shot, no one was actually worried about the normal flu shot. Less than ten people died from bird flu, whereas thousands die from the normal flu. Heart disease is the number one killer, yet people eat whatever the hell they want, and weigh 300 plus pounds (see my ex-wife). They asked parents if they would rather have the child go play at a house with a gun or a house with a pool. Everyone picked the gun. The numbers show less than a hundred children are killed by an accidental gun shot, and over 400 children drown in a pool every year. It's all because of media perception. The media shows all the plane accidents and not the thousands of car accidents; so people are afraid of airplanes but still drive like an idiot. That is the same thing that is happening here with the swine flu. Here is what happened in the 1970s when people were worried about the swine flu.

Editor's note: There is a chance I am wrong and this blows up into a world epidemic and we start to live like in The Stand or I am Legend. If this is what happens, I will stand corrected.



Sunday, April 26, 2009

Greetings from the future of blogging. I am sending this post from a text message on my phone. The future is here.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Random Rantings

Two observations/rants today..........

I stumbled across this article, I know many of you may have read it before it is not new, but is interesting. I am not sure how cell phones and their signals would scare bees away. Then again, maybe the bees know something we don't.

I was driving out of work today and saw an accident probably about 4-5 minutes after it occurred. There was quite a bit of glass on the road and one of the cars was up on the sidewalk about 10 feet, and was actually on the grass. The interesting thing about the crash was where it occurred and who was the first to respond.

The accident occurred at an intersection (a 3 of business on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the busiest). So I am not sure how it even occurred (my guess is it involved a cell phone). The ironic thing was that the one car ended up on the curb right in front of the hospital and this is directly across the street from the police station. When I was driving by (was actually stopped at the light), there were no police or ambulance there yet. However, the first to respond was a fire truck, which actually had to go almost a mile. I am not sure how the fire truck got there first, but it did. There were also about 2-3 doctors/nurses in scrubs at the scene, but no ambulance or police. The whole scene was just kind of ironically funny.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

So scared.........................

Sometimes reality is funnier than anything on a sitcom. Today we had something at work that I thought should could right out of The Office.

We have had an older version of Internet Explorer for over 3 years. (I think it is something like version 6). Because of blockers and locks it is impossible to download a newer version or download another browser (I have tried to use Mozilla, and no go). So basically everyone is stuck with the older Internet Explorer. No big deal. Then today when I got to work and powered up my computer, I noticed that we now had the newest version of Internet Explorer (finally we have tabs).

You would have been shocked at how confused people were. Before school even started I got 4 phone calls asking what was wrong, why did Explorer look so different. On the old version there was a shortcut on the top toolbar to take you to your e-mail. People were lost without it. They actually had to make an announcement through the entire building so that people knew that everything was still the same, you could still check your e-mail. We had a meeting during the day, and people were outraged, they thought their computers were against them. People were actually complaining and looking to write central office to get the old version back. After school a coworker ran into my room in hysterics asking about "what are these tabs? I click on a link and it doesn't open another window, it opens this tab, what am I supposed to do with that?"

Relax people, it's called technology. We are still far from computers over taking us and enslaving us like in The Matrix, but with more people like my co-workers, we might not be that far away.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sports Time

Nothing says Sunday like some sports rants.

  • The NHL still exists, and they are actually playing playoff games on NBC today. That either tells you that enough people out there still care about the NHL or NBC Sports department is doing that bad.................
  • I am sitting here wondering what year it is. Is it 2009 or is it 2006? Suppan actually looked okay today. He gave up a lot of hits, but only allowed 1 run in 6 innings, not too bad. I am not back on board the Suppan train by any means. He is still useless and should be put out of his misery and get a job bagging groceries at the same grocery store that Ned Yost works at.
  • Coffey is the only reliable pitcher out of the bullpen currently. He did have a lot of luck on his side with those two miracle double plays, but still he is yet to give up a run this year. Stetter once again proved that he is worthless. I know he is a leftie and all that, but come on, we have to have some kind of pitcher in the minors better than this guy.
  • The NBA Playoffs started today and now in 2 1/2 months we will know who wins this. I put some math behind this today to see how obnoxiously long the NBA Playoffs are: In the NFL the most games you can play in the playoffs is 4 (which is 25% the length of the regular season) and the least you can play is 3 (which is 18% of the regular season). In Baseball the most you can play is 19 (which is 12% of the regular season) and the least you can play is 11 (which is 7% of the regular season). In the NBA the most you can play is 28 (which is 35% of the regular season) and the least you can play is 16 (20% of the regular season). If the NBA shortened every round except the finals to Best of 5 all problems are solved. Then the most games you could play would be 22 (27%) and the least would be 13 (16%). On the non-math side of things if every round was Best of 5, there might actually be some upsets. A team on a hot streak could rattle off 3 wins against a better team, but in a Best of 7, there is almost no upsets. (I know that upsets is exactly what David Stern is trying to avoid. He wants a combination of Cleveland, Lakers, Miami, Boston in the finals every year.)
  • I had an interesting observation yesterday that I am still working into a theory about winning baseball teams. I was watching the Cardinals game and noticed that they had almost all new players from last year except Pujols, Duncan, Molina and Ankiel. Also, Pujols and Carpenter and Molina are the only 3 players left from when the won it all. Basically they have chosen to each year build a team around Pujols, the rest of the players don't matter. They had Renteria at short, then they went with Eckstein and now Khalil Greene. Renteria was a fan favorite, but when they were done with him they moved him, same for Eckstein. The same thing has happened at 3rd and 2nd for them. My theory is that the Brewers are trying to build around too many players. They should just pick a few players (Hart, Braun, Hardy, Gallardo) and build around them. Throw money at those players so they are here and happy for awhile. The rest of the players can be shuffled around. Each year pick up players in free agency and bring up players when needed. Why are we worried about making Suppan, Weeks, Fielder, Hall, and other players happy year after year. They are nice guys to have now, but we should not have such deep allegencies too them. Everyone was so worried if Kendall or Cameron didn't come back. Why? They should be replaceable. We are not going to have money to keep everyone, so why try. Teams like the Marlins, Cardinals, A's are good or pretty good almost every year with totally different lineups out there every year. It can be done.

Back to reality



SO today is my last day of Spring Break, and in a fitting end it is raining. Tomorrow I have to go back to work, I can relate to this guy in the video below who has to go back to work now too because of the rough financial times we are in.


Saturday, April 18, 2009

Video Diary Day 5

So I decided to spend my Friday of Spring Break giving back a little bit. I decided to walk around town saving kittens stuck in trees.



Editor's note: You would be shocked at the number of videos on Youtube of people rescuing cats from trees. Who videotapes that s**t and decides to put it on the Internets because they actually think anyone else in the world actually cares.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Video Diary Day 4.1

Since my last video diary was really about what I did on Wednesday night, here is a video of what I did today, Thursday.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Video Diary Day 4

So last night I went to the Brewers' game. On a dare I put on a Braves uniform, shaved my head and did the following.



Also in a unrelated sports story, I flipped on Behind the Lines last night and they were talking about a girls high school basketball team that lost a game 100-0. Wow! That is almost impressive. You would think that after awhile you could just keep throwing the ball towards the rim from half court and eventually one or two would fall. If you read the article the coach says that the 100-0 loss is actually a win because the girls "really tried" and teamwork blah, blah, blah. The funniest part of this story is that the coach of the other team was fired over the game. I guess the school came out and apologized for wiping the floor with the team, but the coach made a public statement saying there was no reason to apologize. That'll teach you.

I think Homer Simpson put it best "Trying is the first step towards failure."

Update: John Madden retired today. I guess I can finally go back and watch Sunday Night football games. My only question is who is going to sit and talk about how great Favre is and how tasting food is at Lambeau Field (even when the Packers aren't playing) instead of actually talking about the game?

Video Diary Day 3

Today on Spring Break I am working on my newest music video.



As you can see we were unable to finish the shoot. We ran into some pirates who tried to board our boat. (Too soon?)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Video Diary Day 2

Another crazy day on Spring Break.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Video Diary Day 1

Each day this week I will try to post a video of what I did that day during Spring Break '09. Here is what I did with most of my day today.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Spring Break '09!

Haha B**ches! I'm on Spring Break this next week. In case you are not sure how cool that is, watch this video below. See you at the beach.



In this Post-AIG world, even Spring Break Partyers are effected.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Taking it to new levels

I was talking about this with a few of you lucky enough to hang out with me in public, but here is the video. Now, I have been justly called an a**-hole before, but Rush Limbaugh really takes the case here.



Disgusting. I like how Olberman points out how gracefully and logically Michael J. Fox responds to the absurd and rude comments of Limbaugh. I would be embarrassed to say I ever listen to that guy.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Emo still sells

I have blogged in the past about the power of emo, especially in a movie trailer.

I ran across this video of a movie that Spike Jonze is adapting from the book "Everyone Poops." It humanizes the struggles of a child learning the cruel ways of the world and her trying to find her place in it. Powerful stuff.




Okay, I guess I checked and the studio pulled out of the movie and they have decided to not make this one. I guess we will have to wait for this powerful story to hit the big screen.

Class is in session.

Today at anger-ranting we are going to have a lesson about sunk costs. It is most easily defined as costs that cannot be recovered once they have been spent. Sunk costs can also apply in situations that do not deal with money. Read the following for some example:
  • A car dealership buys cars from the dealer, they will lower the price, even if it is eventually a price lower than they paid, just to get rid of the car. The car was a sunk cost, any money they could get from it is a good thing.
  • You are in a building and you press the button for the elevator. You stand waiting there for 5 minutes. Do you wait any longer? No. The 5 minutes you waited are a sunk cost, you cannot get them back. From this point on it may still be faster to go up the stairs then wait any longer.
  • You have been with your wife for 5 years and have 5 kids. She is cheating on you, and she tells you that she is cheating on you with your best friend. Do you leave her. Trick question. But the 5 years and the 5 kids are a sunk cost, it doesn't matter if you are with her or not.
  • Now to the Brewers. You are paying Suppan over $10 million a year. He is horrible, and gets shelled early and often in your Season Opener. Do you cut him? Of course. I constantly hear all this crap about, well we are paying him $10 mil a year. It doesn't matter, that is a sunk cost. We could cut him and pay him $10 mil a year to bag groceries and give his spot to someone else. This is the most basic definition of a sunk cost. Look at what the Tigers did. They are paying SHeffield over $13 mil to play for the Mets, they just don't want him on their team. We should just cut Suppan and eat his money, or even trade him for a corned beef sandwich.
Class dismissed.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

In this post E.R. world

Now that the TV show E.R. is over (never saw a single episode), more people will have to turn to the harsh realities of their own lives. Here is a real situation that occured at my job yesterday.

A coworker of mine came into my room and said he had to show me something in the copier room. I went in there with him and the printer (which is for everyone to use) was just printing, and printing, and printing. My co-worker said he printed two pages and has been in here for almost 10 minutes waiting for it. Finally the printer stops printing what it was printing, and prints his stuff. We look what was printed and it was 125 pages of all the foreclosed homes in Wisconsin. (Editor's note: I was not on the list, sweet.)

My coworker thought this was a ridiculous waste, which it was, so he left a note:
"Really?Really?"
Is printing 125 pages necessary? Is this even work-related?
How about we all do our jobs instead of wasting company resources."

About 1 hour later the person who printed this sent out an e-mail (by the way we correctly guessed who did it). Thee-mail basically said that no one had the right to tell them what is work-related and what is not. (This person teaches English). They said they were not in the wrong, blah, blah, blah. Earlier this year, right before the election the same person printed 45 pages of a Barack Obama blog. Some people just never get it.

Why can't people just shut their mouths and do their jobs? I mean is it that difficult? Also, why send out that e-mail? Why make it everyone's business?

It reminded me of an episode of The Office earlier this year in which Pam puts up a not by the microwave because people keep leaving it filthy and no one cleans it. After she puts up the note people are angry at her note, not that people were leaving the microwave dirty. Her coworkers wrote comments on the note and even called an office meeting about leaving notes.