Boob Tube

So a few co-workers went out for a drink after a later meeting the other night and occassionaly they talked about something other than work. I was trying to convince everyone that if they are not watching Mad Men, they obviously have no self respect. My arguments were that the season is only 13 episodes long, it starts in the summer when teachers ain't doing s**t, its the best written show on tv, Don Draper is the man, it's historically accurate, hot women, and many other reasons. One lady was animate about it saying she already had so many shows she had to watch, she didn't have room for any more. WTF? What could you possibly be watching?

This got me to thinking about the the shows you must watch of the last 10 years. These are not necessarily the "best" (even though many are), these are just shows that have changed the landscape of television, or maybe America in general; these are the shows you need to watch. In no particular order:

• Arrested Development- too funny for the dumbed-down American public. It has gained a larger following now that it is off the air and people are now demanding "smarter" comedies on television. Maybe we can be saved? (I doubt it)
• The Wire- do I need to say anything? Riveting, change the way that many people view inner-city America. Hasn't changed the problems facing inner-cities, but has made these problems watchable from the comfort of your white picket fence homes in the suburbs.
• Sopranos- made it okay to have a lot of swearing and nudity in a show and still win awards if you had riveting characters, great plot lines, and great dialogue. Without this show there would be no other shows on HBO like The Wire, Deadwood, Rome, Six Feet Under, etc.
• Lost- I know many people got frustrated with this show, but I think after this season ends the 6 seasons it has will stand alone as a great story. This show also made it okay to be a super nerd about a show and follow it online, play role-playing games online, read books about it, start online chats, and live twitter feeds during an episode. The show lost a lot in ratings throughout the years but the fan base was so die hard and strong, I think ABC would have kept in on forever if possible.
• It's Always Sunny- made it okay to have people in their 30s act like idiots and have episodes be about nothing except the characters acting like a**-holes and always ending up in the same place they started while never learning anything.
• 24- Jack Bauer is a bad-ass. Most of the seasons made no sense and had no real dialogue, but just watching Jack Bauer be a bad ass was enough.
• House- a medical drama, but not a medical drama. The show was really about the dialogue. You could pay no attention to the medical case they were working on, and it would still be a great show. Hugh Laurie is great as a grizzled doctor who pretends he hates everyone, but underneath really needs people. After 6 seasons, it is still going strong.
• The Office- saved network sitcoms about 3 years ago when it was a graveyard out there. Without this show we would not have Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, and Modern Family (the 3 funniest sitcoms currently on)
• Damages- if you haven't watched this, rent season 1. It makes Law and Order look like Sesame Street. The plot lines are so tangled, the characters are riveting, and it has this sexy appeal to it that is off the hook.
• Mad Men- (read first paragraph).

I strongly believe 30 years from and people will look at 2000-2010 and 3 shows will stand out: Sopranos, The Wire, and Mad Men.

here and here are two other, less-educated, opinions are best tv shows of the last 10 years.

What year is it?

I know it's been a week since I have blogged, but I will crank out two tonight, and they will both be about your best friend, the television.

Some of you may have watched the Emmy's on Sunday, or you are like most Americans and your read on the Internet who won and it only took 3 minutes to read everything that took 3.5 hours on television.

The thing that stuck out to me is that the Emmy voters are getting very easy. Going into the award ceremony, about 75% of the nominees were the same as last year. The really lazy part comes in with the number of winners that were exactly the same as last year.

• Mad Men won again for best drama (It is the best show on tv, so that makes sense I guess)
• 30 Rock won for best comedy, 3 times in a row. (It is funny, but I don't know if it has been the funniest for 3 years now.)
• Daily Show for best variety show (now for 8 years in a row)
  
• ALec Baldwin for best actor in a comedy'
• Glenn Close for best actress in a drama
• Bryan Cranston for best actor in a drama
• An actor from Lost for best supporting actor in a drama (last year, John O'Terry and This year Michael Emerson)

Maybe its just a sad commentary that there really isn't anything on television, or that the Emmy voters are lazy and they just keep turning in last year's ballot.

Hello friend

On the lighter side..........

I ran into this article how television makes you feel less lonely and makes you feel as part of a social circle and like less of a loser. I don't buy it, I would get into it more but I am getting ready to watch House and 24 in a few minutes............


Here is a new video from Kanye West that is funny:

Ratings, ratings, ratings

So I've been watching a lot of The Wire lately, having recently purchased the entire series on DVD. It got me to thinking about how over the last 4-5 years, all good television is appearing on cable on channels like HBO, and network series are going down the hole. At first I thought it might have to do with the fact that HBO can show nudity and can swear, but it is much more than that. I think of Arrested Development and feel that it would still be on if it aired on basic cable or HBO. On the other side a show like Mad Men would have already been cancelled if it were on network television, even though it is the best drama on basic cable. The reason is obviously money, but more importantly is time.

Network tv relies on instant results with tv ratings, which directly relates to how much they can charge for commercials. If a show starts off the blocks slow, it is immedietely cancelled. I think of Arrested Development and to a lesser extent Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (I watched) and Pushing Daisies (never watched). Both shows were critically acclaimed and had viewers who loved the show, however they didn't have many viewers. Due to the high cost of those shows with their large casts and elaborate storylines, they needed immediete results. More recently I look at Heroes. Heroes is NBC highest rated scripted program (sadly Biggest Loser is their highest rated show) but there is always a question of it will be renewed. They look critically at the viewership of EVERY episode (Pushing Daisies and Studio 60 were cancelled half way through the season when they still had filmed episodes that never aired). If a show has a 2-3 episode funct, they will be cancelled. So theses shows on network tv don't have the luxury of time to develop a sound stoyline and characters like they do on cable. They have to get right into the action and show results. Many people complained that Season 2 of Heroes (and Lost) were too "slow." Season 3 for both shows were then deemed "too fast." No time given to just develop into something.

Now on the other side we have HBO which gets its money just by people having the network and watching it. They don't care if you watch the network at 3 in the morning or in primetime at 7 at night. They can have "weaker" episodes of a show because you are still there watching something on the network. HBO can still take chances on shows no one else will and can keep shows on the air longer, because they still have people watching the network, and the money coming in.

The same is somewhat true for basic cable. They do rely on commercial revenue (which is based on viewers) but they also get a good hunk of their money from cable deals when cable providers like Time Warner Cable pay them to have their channels provided through them. So basic cable channels need money from commercials but can still take risks because they still have revenue coming in. Also, most basic cable channels are owned by a parent company which owns a bunch of cable channels. So, if one does poorly, the others can pick up the slack.

Now, heres to the solution to save network television TV series. network tv should sell commercial space as a whole, not for a specific show and time. A business (Budweiser for example) goes to NBC and buys 10 commercial spots for primetime Monday through Friday. These 10 spots will air randomly throughout the week, they cannot specifiy that they air during Biggest Loser or Law and Order. This way NBC just brings in money, and it doesn't matter which program has the highest ratings. As long as they provide overall quality programming, businesses will buy spots on their networks. Businesses will still buy ads, knowing that some will air during Crusoe (or whatever s**t they play) and some will air during Biggest Loser. Obla dee obla dah.

Fire my agent

For those of you who watch CSI, there is going to be a major change this year, William Peterson (Gil Grissom) is going to be leaving the show. This is an ensemble cast and is a story driven show, not a character driven show, but this will surely affect the show. It has been on for 8 years now and has lost a little of its punch, but still is entertaining. I enjoy watching it because it is simple enough, everything is contained within the 60 minute show. There are no over-arching story lines about who is sleeping with who and what not that slow down so many other dramas. It's straight forward; here's the crime, here's how they solved it.

Well now they announced who will replace William Peterson on the show. Drum roll:


That's right Laurence Fishburne is joining the cast. However, I do hope he plays the role a little more like this though:


I actually watched the Matrix I and 2 this Saturday when I was hiding from the world, and thought Laurence Fishburne just comes off cool on screen, and he should do more things. I think he might be kind of cool in this show and I read he is playing a darker character with a mysterious past. I actually think this might work.

Hey ma, look at me

After going to the baseball game yesterday and watching it today on the television set, I know how stupid people will act to get their face on tv for like 2 seconds. Yesterday at the game they were talking to some women as the fan of the game and had her on the scoreboard then this dude was jumping in front of her so he could get on the scoreboard too for 2 seconds. In between every inning they scan the crowd showing idiots just acting nuts and doing whatever they can to get shown on camera for 2 seconds. Then today during the game they continually scanned the crowd with more people acting stupid and holding up signs begging to be put on camera. Throughout the game a family directly behind home plate were constantly on the cell phones and waving. "Hey aunt Cheryl, look we on tv, that's me waving my hand and not paying attention the game."

I suggest if you want to be on tv, do it the old fashion way..... through some kind of hostage situation or crime spree.

Random Rantings.........

Having the day off today I ran into a few things that got various levels of anger flowing in me....

• It must be a slow news day because I just saw a preview for the 10 o'clock news and there is going to be a story on Oprah's niece. The tagline is "Wonder what it would be like to have Oprah as your aunt, watch our exclusive interview on a local woman who knows what its like." Who gives a s**t. Shouldn't the news educate the ignorant out there about the upcoming election, the economy being in a recession, or our pending war in Iran. Something important, not about some fluffy piece for all the soccer moms out there. I can see why this interview is "exclusive," no one else would want to report on this subject. Next week they talk to Ellen's dog-walker.
• How the f**k did the Brewers lose that game. I was watching every pitch and I still don't believe the Diamondbacks got 6 runs in the 9 with 0 outs. The only reason they are in 1st is that they are in a terrible division and because of their pitching. Their batting average on the team are terrible, actually worse than the Brewers. There 6,7, and 7 hitters in the lineup today had a batting average below .200. Inexcusable. Since the Cubs are playing bad, the Brewers actually have a chance to take the division, but they must win these types of games. After todays loss, it proves that they are still posers in the race for the postseason. Something has to change. (hmmmmm maybe the manager?)
• I for one don't care about all this new Favre talk. The Packers will not finish 13-3 again this year no matter who is QB, Favre is well past his prime, their offense is better when they run and do short passes, and the NFC is winnable but they need as few distractions (and interceptions) as possible. I am and always will be a Favre fan, and he is probably the greatest ever, but it is time to stay away. I do not think Rogers is the long-term answer however, but you'll never know if you don't try.
• I just saw a preview for what NBC is going to be playing tomorrow on TV....... Olympic swimming time trials. WTF? That's the best you got? Nothing says freedom like some people swimming against their own best times (not even against competition). They have nothing better to show. Show some old dude on his porch shining his gun talking about the 'good old days' for 8 hours, that would be more American at least.

Thats it......for now.

Marketing 101

With all this time off (oh yeah I'm on summer break) I have found another reason why network TV was horrible (in case Celebrity Circus wasn't enough). Here are 3 reasons why cable TV channels are by far better than network TV.






I have no idea what these channels normally play on their channels as "entertainment" but just by watching these promos make me want to buy cable tv, or at least A tv, hell even buy electricity.

You can't do that

I thought in honor of George Carlin passing away I would list the 7 words you can't say on television since this is the Internets and you can say them:

****, ***, ****, ****, **********, ************, ****

So there I said them, if you have a problem with me write me a letter.

Here was a great children's show that on a weekly basis did things that you weren't allowed to do on television, but they did it anyways.

Sweet Jebus Why?

Sometimes you wonder if you are surrounded by douche bag idiots that probably can't wipe their own a**. This usually happens to me every time I turn on the TV and see what the various stations are trying to show and call "entertainment." Usually the worst is found over at MTV. (Little known fact, the M stands for Music). They have crap after crap on it, I'm going to save you from going through the list because if you have heard of any of them or watch any of them, you should kill yourself. Now they are coming out with a new "reality" (I put reality is quotes because is it still really a reality show when it is scripted?) show.

WTF is this? They are going to have a show wherein straight guys (probably all douche bags) compete to be in some a**-hole from The Hills new entourage. Do people really want to be in anyone's entourage, let alone this guys? I have a crew of people that I pay to stalk my ex-wife, but I wouldn't really call it an entourage. I mean what self-respecting dude would want to be on TV and prance around sucking up to some other dude begging to be his friend.

Editor's note: I do not watch the Hills, but I know at least one avid reader of mine does, so I mean not to offend.

When you type in douche bag in Google Images, this is the second picture that comes up, hilarious. (I think I knew that guy in high school)

Class Reunion

Keeping with my themes of terrible television, and especially game shows, comes another hidden gem "Moment of Truth." On the show a question is hooked up to a lie detector and must answer personal and scandalous questions about yourself and your past. Such questions as "Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend?' "Have you ever rigged a baby fight?" And the longer you stay on and telling the truth and "embarrassing" yourself and family on national TV. (By national TV I mean the 4,000 idiots in America dumb enough to watch this show. It's pretty obvious that Americans will do anything to be famous and on TV. Again, I do not wonder why the rest of the world hates America.

Oh wait it gets worse. I received a phone call from a kid I have not spoken to in 3 years and was told to make sure I watch this week's episode. No thanks, I have better things to do like give myself a root canal. Then he proceeds to tell me that a kid we went to grade school with is going to be on it and as his guest he is bringing on another kid we went to grade school with. I still passed on watching it, but have since watched "highlights" of it online.

Here is a youtube summary:


You can imagine how long an hour long version is, but in case you want to see that click here.

It's pretty sad (and funny) to see how far into being douche bags these two have turned. The contestant moved to Arizona sophomore year of high school and he is still best friends with a kid who lives in Wisconsin and he hasn't lived in the same city with since grade school. Somehow this kid became a trust fund baby, he was far from that in grade school. He still gets an allowance? He once used counterfeit money? He once watched gay porn?

If I were on here is a sample of questions they would ask me: Have you ever rigged a baby fight? Did you ever stand outside the window of your ex-wife's new family for 3 hours in the pouring rain? Did you ever purposefully sabotage rival blogger EdGrimley's original blog site and have it crash?

Summer of George?

Every so often I sit and wonder "Why is it that the rest of the world hates Americans?" Then a see a preview for some of the shows premiering on ABC this summer:





This looks horribly awful. Lets what a bunch of idiot Americans bounce around on s**t and embarrass themselves for money.

Here's a longer sneak peak if you still are wondering how awful this will be.


I thought the contestants were bad but what's with those annoying and idiotic announcers trying to be clever and funny. Anyone who watches this show needs to reconsider their life. Is it really worth living?

Post-Note: I also saw a preview for a game show called "I Survived a Japanese Game Show." (I'm not kidding, but I couldn't find a clip yet) On this show they take contestants to Japan and put them on a physical-type gameshow there. Horrible. Now not only are we embarassing ourselves and our good name, we are nmaking fun of other cultures on public TV. How about this game show "I Survived a Severe Beating By Chopper" or "I Survived 10 Years after America Ran Out of Oil" or even "I Survived 8 Years of George W Bush." Those I would watch.

Terrible Television

I just got home and turned on the idiot box, aka the TV, and noticed a program NBC has on called "My Dad is better than your Dad." Basically its a show where dad and their respective 6 year old sons and daughters compete in various events, some based on smarts and some based on physical prow is. PS it is terrible. Some jackass that used to be a VJ on MTV is the host and they seem to be changing the rules as they go through the show. One team had their dart fall of the board and they lost the points for it and then the next team didn't because "it was up long enough." This is honestly television game show hosts to the worse degree. I thought, and still think, that all these prime time game shows like Deal or No Deal, 1 vs 100, and Power of Ten, are all awful, awful and just a way for networks to make even more money because they are so much cheaper than creating a quality sitcom or drama.

Secondly, I want everyone to know that since I was created from the a mixture of the Force and elements of unbridled universal anger, I have no father, so therefore I could not compete.

I would also like to see a celebrity version of the show. Travis Henry could be the father of all nine of his illegitimate children and compete against himself.

Remake

I was sitting and while plotting and scheming I decided to turn on the old TV and see if anything was on. Due to the writer's strike the networks have pulled out all the stops in terms of game shows and reality shows. Deal or No Deal is on almost every night, and is the worst game show imagineable. There was one interesting program on tonight however, the new American Gladiators. I am glad to say it is pretty much the same as the old one, with a few differences to make it more "prime time" viewing.

It used to be on Saturday mornings and I remember always watching while growing up, we even had the American Gladiators NES video game. This new version has all the same competitions, still has the Eliminator, and still has crazy nicknames for the gladiators. One thing that has changed for the worse is that Hulk Hogan is the host and he talks like he is a wrestler in the 80s, oh wait he was. The other thing is that they talk all the time to drag out the show. Before and after each event they talk to the contestants about how they feel and how they are going to win. Face it, all this show is normal people going head to head with underpaid man-giants so hopped up on roid-rage that there life span is about 3 more years. We don't care what these people have to say, just hop them up with steroids and throw them in a cage with each other.

In a related note I heard Barry Bonds is going to tryout as a Gladiator for next season if he doesn't return to Baseball.

Also, one of the gladiators, Wolf, looks a lot like Ben Stiller on Dodgeball.

Too beautiful for this world....

The new TV season is barely a month old, and there are already casualties. I read that ABC is giving Cavemen 2 more weeks and it will probably be axed. Who would have guessed that that was a terrible idea for a TV show? But the first official victim is Viva Laughlin on CBS. I never watched the show, actually never even heard of it. I guess it is a musical crime drama set in Las Vegas. Yes you heard me right, a musical crime drama set in Las Vegas. The actors danced and sang modern pop hits while solving crimes and committing crimes in Sin City. The funniest things is that I just read that Hugh Jackman had joined the cast after the first 2 episodes to help its ratings. Why is Hugh Jackman doing a terrible musical crime drama on CBS? He was Wolverine. (Actually read they are currently filming the Wolverine Prequel to X-Men)

Recently the U.S. armed forces has been getting a lot of heat about the torturing and interogation of suspected terrorists. A group of soldiers claim that they had no training in torturing techniques and we put in situations where they were expected to properly "interrogate" suspects. They went on to say that the majority of the techniques they were using they learned from television and movies. They specifically mentioned the show 24 and said they were using techniques they saw on the show. This has raised a good deal attention towards how television influences us. Keifer Sutherland from 24 has offered to go over seas and speak to our armed forces about the fictionalized nature of his show and they should not take it as being real. 24's executive producer has gone on to say he makes no apologies for the show and its ludacris to think tv can influence us so greatly. Critics and pundits say that obviously tv influences us, others companies wouldn't but commercials to influence those watching to but their product. They argue that tv can't have it both ways; have their commercials influence viewers but not have the shows influence people. I think its ridiculous to think that mankind can't tell the difference between reality and fiction and between commercials and the tv show. If television would influence us 100% here is a list of shows and how they would influence us. (Note; I don't actually watch most of these shows but am guessing on how they would influence me.

Desperate Housewives- suburban housewives are whores and their husbands are oblivious

Heroes- some people can fly, read minds, predict the future, bend metal, travel through time, not bleed, walk through walls etc.

Prison Break- it only takes 22 45 minute episodes to escape from prison with 6 of your friends

House- Its cool to pop vicodin like they're vitamins and still be the best doctor ever.

The Unit- there is a secret branch of the Army that has a mission of assasinating terrorists and world leaders all over the world

The class- everyone still hangs out with kids from high school 15 years later, and now everyone gets along

CSI- every crime is solvable

Gilmore Girls- its cool to be a single mother who has men who are out of your league interested in you romantically and have a teenage daughter more promiscuous than you

Boston Legal- lawyers aren't assholes

Medium- its possible to talk to the dead to help solve who murdered them

Jericho- after a nuclear holocaust one city would somehow survive it

Lost- its possible to survive a plane crash

Scrubs- doctors are funny

Grey's Anatomy- all doctors are overly good-looking and are all sleeping with each other

Smallville- Superman really exists

Cold Case- its easier to solve a case 10 years after the crime

Survivor- people will do anything for money

The Office- working in an office and in a cubicle doesn't suck, in fact its hilarious

Everybody hates Chris- black people are different from white people

Death for Ratings??

I am working on an ever-growing theory about the decline and fall of popular culture revolving around the fall of quality television programming. The first step is how writing has drastically changed in television series, especially dramas. Almost every drama on television uses killing off main characters, or at least threatening to, as a major plot twist. The are trying to hook viewers into watching next weeks episode by promising things like "you;ll never guess who will die." Why is it necessary to kill off main characters to make a show interesting, can we not think of anything else to write about. Here are a few examples.

In the first season of Lost they killed off one main character (Boone), and he was a secondary character. I liked Boone and thought he played a strong character, but was basically a younger version of Jack, the real main character. I know many people who watched the show felt nothing for him and didn't care when he died. So it wasn't that dramatic. So Lost had its best season and one an Emmy for best drama, all while only killing of one secondary character. In the next season plus 8 episodes they have killed off two really main characters (Anna Lucia and Eko) three secondary characters (Shannon, Libby, Michael, who wasnt killed off but was written off) and two third tier characters (Colleen and Picket) and have "promised" to kill of one more main character this year. Why is it necessary. Lost producers themselves have said that Lost is ultimately a show about the characters. They want viewers to learn about these characters; their faults and triumphs and root for them. The show really isnt about being stranded on a mysterious island and trying to figure out all the mysteries there. The producers are really contradicting themselves by saying that it is a show about the characters and then killing them all off, by the end we will have no one to root for. Lost fans know that before the show started their plan was to kill off Jack, the main character, in episode three to prove that this was a show that would do anything. The ran this past test markets and everyone agreed that the would not watch the show again after that and said they would "not be able to trust the writers of a show that wouldd do that." Now two plus years later they have forgotten that and are killing off characters adn losuing the trust of the viewers.

The second show would be 24. I believe that this has been a great show since the first second of season 1, even though it first one an Emmy for season 5 (I think not their best season). Here is a death count of main characters season by season. Season 1 (one main character) Season 2 (one secondary, one third tier) Season 3 (one main, one secodnary) Season 4 (one secondary) Season 5 (three main, two secondary, one third tier). So they were awarded for killing off the most main characters proving that no one is safe,a nd thats what makes for good televison. THis is the opposite reason that Lost won. Now, the one problem I have this year, especially after killing off another main character and a secondary character,is that there really aren't any characters that you care if they die. Jack is the last character left that as a viewer you have any interest in. All the guys Jack works with out in the field are un-named henchmen and you don't really care what happens to them. I think they killed of too many characters last year and the beginning of this year, there isn't any one you care about. There was a guy in a Muslim concentration camp in the US after a terrorist attack. They made it look as if he were in danger and as a viewer you were supposed to care. But you knew nothing about him and had no history with him so I really didn't care what happened to him.

Last example: Look at the highest rated dramas on television now: CSI, CSI Miami, Grey's Anatomy, House, Without a Case, Lost, and Desperate Housewives. Except Lost the other shows don't have a need to kill of main characters. CSI has been on for 7 years and has not once killed off a main characters. A couple times they were in critical condition, but never died. In fact its lowest rated season was when for half the season they broke up the team and had them all working separate and not together. Viewers stopped watching because the characters they love were no longer together. None of those others show either have a desire to kill of characters to keep viewers, they realize viewers are watching because of the characters. I will have a future blog looking at the fact that shows like CSI, ER, Grey's Anatomy, House, and Law & Order do so well for so long because everything gets solved in an hour and there is no long story line that gets people frustrated for answers.