Sports Time

It's been a while since I have done a Sports Rant, so here we go:

• If you didn't hate the NBA enough, the 3 trades that have occured the last two days will show you why it is horrible. All three trades featured an All-Star player being traded for bench0-warmers who are either going to be cut in the next week or are going to retire. All 3 trades only took place for money. Teams can't rebuild any more, they have to trade players so they can save money.
  
• The Bucks sucked next year, and will be worse next year without Jefferson or Villeneuva, and possibly without Sessions. Keep in mind I watched 2 games all year, so I actually have no idea who those players are. And they just selected some point guard from Italy. Fail.
• The Brewers are fu**ed big time. They have 3 starting pitchers, and one of those is Suppan. They are luckily still in second because everyone else in our division is losing too, but they have now lost the wild card to the Giants. (The same Giants who probably have the best starting pitching in the league, coincidence.....). I honestly don't know what they should do. They have no pitching in their farm system and there aren't any teams willing to part with any starters. The Brewers also don't want to trade away their future again this year. My personal choice to move Hardy and bring up Escobar or even trade Cameron now instead of losing him at the end of the season for nothing.
• Gamel and MCgehee should start everyday, no mater the pitching situations or matchup bull-s**t.
• I was watching Sports Center this moring and ended up watching it for an hour. The sad thing was that they covered 2 baseball games that entire hour; the Yankees game and the Mets game. The BRewers won a thirller, and there was nothing about it for the entire hour. They spend probably 20 minutes do some sh**ty mock draft for the NBA, spent 20 minutes on the Shaw trade (they actually had a piece on who was a bigger joker in the locker room, Shaq or LeBron), and then they spent 15 minutes on the USA beating Spain in soccer.............who gives a shit. 5 minutes of baseball..... this is America right?

Here is a funny bit from the COlbert Report, he has a funny joke about soccer and another one about Brett Favre.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Sport Report - Soccer, Tennis & Brett Favre
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

Sports Time

Nothing says Sunday like some sports rants.

• The NHL still exists, and they are actually playing playoff games on NBC today. That either tells you that enough people out there still care about the NHL or NBC Sports department is doing that bad.................
• I am sitting here wondering what year it is. Is it 2009 or is it 2006? Suppan actually looked okay today. He gave up a lot of hits, but only allowed 1 run in 6 innings, not too bad. I am not back on board the Suppan train by any means. He is still useless and should be put out of his misery and get a job bagging groceries at the same grocery store that Ned Yost works at.
• Coffey is the only reliable pitcher out of the bullpen currently. He did have a lot of luck on his side with those two miracle double plays, but still he is yet to give up a run this year. Stetter once again proved that he is worthless. I know he is a leftie and all that, but come on, we have to have some kind of pitcher in the minors better than this guy.
• The NBA Playoffs started today and now in 2 1/2 months we will know who wins this. I put some math behind this today to see how obnoxiously long the NBA Playoffs are: In the NFL the most games you can play in the playoffs is 4 (which is 25% the length of the regular season) and the least you can play is 3 (which is 18% of the regular season). In Baseball the most you can play is 19 (which is 12% of the regular season) and the least you can play is 11 (which is 7% of the regular season). In the NBA the most you can play is 28 (which is 35% of the regular season) and the least you can play is 16 (20% of the regular season). If the NBA shortened every round except the finals to Best of 5 all problems are solved. Then the most games you could play would be 22 (27%) and the least would be 13 (16%). On the non-math side of things if every round was Best of 5, there might actually be some upsets. A team on a hot streak could rattle off 3 wins against a better team, but in a Best of 7, there is almost no upsets. (I know that upsets is exactly what David Stern is trying to avoid. He wants a combination of Cleveland, Lakers, Miami, Boston in the finals every year.)
• I had an interesting observation yesterday that I am still working into a theory about winning baseball teams. I was watching the Cardinals game and noticed that they had almost all new players from last year except Pujols, Duncan, Molina and Ankiel. Also, Pujols and Carpenter and Molina are the only 3 players left from when the won it all. Basically they have chosen to each year build a team around Pujols, the rest of the players don't matter. They had Renteria at short, then they went with Eckstein and now Khalil Greene. Renteria was a fan favorite, but when they were done with him they moved him, same for Eckstein. The same thing has happened at 3rd and 2nd for them. My theory is that the Brewers are trying to build around too many players. They should just pick a few players (Hart, Braun, Hardy, Gallardo) and build around them. Throw money at those players so they are here and happy for awhile. The rest of the players can be shuffled around. Each year pick up players in free agency and bring up players when needed. Why are we worried about making Suppan, Weeks, Fielder, Hall, and other players happy year after year. They are nice guys to have now, but we should not have such deep allegencies too them. Everyone was so worried if Kendall or Cameron didn't come back. Why? They should be replaceable. We are not going to have money to keep everyone, so why try. Teams like the Marlins, Cardinals, A's are good or pretty good almost every year with totally different lineups out there every year. It can be done.
  

Video Diary Day 4

So last night I went to the Brewers' game. On a dare I put on a Braves uniform, shaved my head and did the following.



Also in a unrelated sports story, I flipped on Behind the Lines last night and they were talking about a girls high school basketball team that lost a game 100-0. Wow! That is almost impressive. You would think that after awhile you could just keep throwing the ball towards the rim from half court and eventually one or two would fall. If you read the article the coach says that the 100-0 loss is actually a win because the girls "really tried" and teamwork blah, blah, blah. The funniest part of this story is that the coach of the other team was fired over the game. I guess the school came out and apologized for wiping the floor with the team, but the coach made a public statement saying there was no reason to apologize. That'll teach you.

I think Homer Simpson put it best "Trying is the first step towards failure."

Update: John Madden retired today. I guess I can finally go back and watch Sunday Night football games. My only question is who is going to sit and talk about how great Favre is and how tasting food is at Lambeau Field (even when the Packers aren't playing) instead of actually talking about the game?

Worth Reading

There are few blogs out there that I deem worthy of my time, but one such blog is Bill Simmons' Mailbag on Page 2 of ESPN.COM. He says he is a sports writer, but he answers questions in general about a wide variety of topics, and tend to make some of the same things in society that I do. (Dad, is that you?)

In his most recent Mailbag he hit upon two interesting subject:

First he defended Facebook, but said some of people's updates are stupid and worthless, but he did go on to rip Twitter a new a**hole. I agree that twitter is the end of intelligent thought and grammar in society. People right about whatever they want, whenever they want, from where ever they want. People (even Senators) use slang, numbers to stand for words, and no punctuation. Horrible.

The other funny topic was when he talked about Bromances, and listed his top Bromances of all time:

The original bromance was Lewis and Clark. I'd break down the others like this: Costanza and Seinfeld (funniest); Norm and Cliff (second funniest); Diggler and Rothchild (third funniest); Borat and Azamat (grossest); O.J. and A.C. (most controversial); the Rat Pack (most influential); Kimmel and Carolla (drunkest); Puffy and Biggie after Biggie died (most shameless); Flintstone and Rubble (best animated); Mike and the Mad Dog (most tragic); Kurt Warner and Jesus (most inspirational); Jules and Vincent Vega (most violently entertaining); McEnroe and Fleming (most one-sided); Kobe and Shaq (most destructive); Lincoln and Derickson (most suspicious); Damon and Affleck (wealthiest); Tom and Jerry (most psychotic); Cagney and Lacey (just kidding); Michael Jackson and Emmanuel Lewis (openly creepiest); Bob Crane and John Carpenter (secretly creepiest); Spade and Farley (best one-time chemistry that couldn't be recreated, even by them); King and Favre (most gushing); Lennon and McCartney (most successful); Parker and Stone (most creative); A-Rod and Jeter (most contrived); Clapton and Harrison (biggest backstab); Chuck D and Flava Flav (most unlikely); Siegfried and Roy (best romance bromance); McConaughey and Armstrong (most appearances without a shirt); Bauer and Almeida (most exciting); Wilbon and Kornheiser (most reliable); De Niro and Pesci (best mafia); Redford and Newman (coolest); Simon and Garfunkel, Malone and Stockton, Madden and Summerall (tie for "best fit"); Scottie and Michael (most titles); Hanks and Scolari (biggest disparity of talent); Rocky and Apollo, Daniel-San and Miyagi, Buck and Aikman (tie for "most uncomfortable"); Clooney and Pitt (most overrated); Kirk and Spock, Tango and Cash (tie for "most unintentional comedy"); McNulty and Bunk, Big Papi and Manny (tie for "most underrated"); T-Mac and Vince (least likable); Felix and Oscar (best contrast); and Red and Andy (the greatest bromance ever), with Red and Andy's beach hug in Mexico doubling as the single greatest bromance moment.

If you know who half those people are, you are a pop-culture god. (Sadly, I knew over half).

Well, I'm off to Chicago for 24 hours (don't ask), so I will go "radio-silent" until then.

Sports Time

I feel obligated to report on the "2nd Retiring" of Brett Favre. It is what it is, it is a year too late, but it is time. I would have to think that the New York Jets organization is kicking themselves for ever even acquiring him. They traded away their would be starter (I have no idea who will be their starter next year), they wasted a season in which they could have won the division (for crying out loud, the Dolphins won it), and they lost one of the better young coaches out there. Oh well, hopefully his last season as a Jet doesn't tarnish his legend in the record books.



The Brewers announced their bobble head lineup for games this season. Worst lineup yet.

• Braun- had him last year, hopefully this year he is in All Star jersey
• Trevor Hoffman- okay, he is a legend, let's just hope he doesn't implode by that time and is irrelevant. Also if it played Hell's Bells, that would be bad a@@.
• Jason Kendall- okay, I like the guy, but I don't need a bobble of another catcher, they are all the same, plus he is old and fragile... he could be irrelevant by this time.
• Brat- okay, helps to finish the racing sausage collection
• Jeff Suppan- WTF? Suppan over Gallardo or Parr. If you make one of Suppan, you might as well make one for that guy who helps you park by directing you with those glowing sticks. Both positions are useless and could be done by a one-armed, dyslexic monkey.
• Doug Melvin- WTF? I like the guy, but don't want a bobble of him. How about Macha? Or as Snow.Man suggested, the guy from the Miller HIgh LIfe Commercials.
• Other suggestions- an action bobble of Fielder pushing Parra, CC in a Yankees uniform, Fielder in a Yankees uniform, Yost bagging groceries at Pick 'n Save, Sheets on the operating table, Cameron with a needle of steroids in his ass, or Anastasio rolling in money.
• 
  

Finally, I was perusing the paper today and for some reason read the questions to Mark Stewart in the sports section. Today's theme was the Wisconsin Badgers, who are having an off-year but have won 3 in row. One question reads: ""We have too many slow white guys and I think Bo Ryan needs to recruit more athletic black players." Wow. I would be embarrassed to write that question.

You call this a team?

So, since there was no Packer game today, I was flipping between the Bears-Rams game and Jets-Titans. Obviously the Jets-Titans is going to be more interesting, but I have too much of my fantasy team (and season) relying on the Jets-Titans game. (I am not doing well in that game. Dear Tennessee, run the ball.) I was on the Rams-BEars game right when it was going into halftime. The Rams are down 24-3 and the Rams fans begin to boo at halftime. What? What did you think was going to happen? Your Rams are horrible. If not for the Lions, you would have the worst team in football. It got me to thinking, what would actually make you want to go to a St. Louis Rams' football game?
I know St. Louis is the most dangerous city in America, but there has to be something better to do. I lived down there for 5 years, and I can rattle off hundreds of things I would rather do than go to a Rams game. (Two of which are give myself a root canal and volunteer to clean the top of the arch.)


PS: Why did we trade Favre again? Man, he is looking good today against the stellar defense of Tennessee.

PPS: Jay Glazer is officially dead to me. I have Ward (RB from Giants) and COllins (QB from Tennessee) on my fantasy team. I couldn''t decide who to start. ESPN.com said that Jacobs would probably not start, and Ward would start. So I decided to start Ward. Then on FOX Jay Glazer said Jacobs would start, and in fact felt healthier than he had in weeks. So I sit Ward and start Collins. Then at half time, there is a breaking story that Jacobs won't start, in fact he won't play. Ward will start and get 90% of the snaps. What? How does Jacobs go from being healthier than he has in weeks, to no playing. At this point I am pretty sure Jay Glazer is just making this s**t up.

Football Rants

After watching football today, a few observations:

• The Packers are better than their record, or at least they should be. Their defense is good, real good, except against the run. They can't tackle to save their mother's life. Their secondary is possible the best in the league, and they can go 6-7 players deep out there. You can blame today's loss on one person, Mike McCarthey (excluding my wife). He made some horrible calls at the end of the half and at the end of the game. It is never a good idea to "settle" for a field goal on the road when it will still be a 50 yard field goal. At the end of the game they should have been trying to score a TD instead of running out the clock. Horrible play calling throughout. Jennings and Driver only had 8 total catches. They are your 2 best players on offense and should be having a total of 15-20 catches a game, especially a close game. Should have won.
• If Packers lose next week (which they will) their season is officially over.
• The Rams and Lions are two of the worst teams I have seen in years. The Rams gave up 47 points, 40 in the first half, unbelievable. The Lions got killed by the Jags, and are 0-9. They just went out and got Culpepper to improve their offense, and what do they do with him this week, they throw the ball only 10 times, 10 times. That makes no sense. In a game that they were losing the whole game for, why would you only pass it 10 times? Especially when your best offensive player is a WR.
• After the game when the analysts were talking the TV told me that the Raiders are highly likely to sign Michael Vick this off-season, once he is out of the clink. That would just be a match made in heaven I think. The Raiders are were careers go to die (Sapp, Moss, Walker, etc).
  

Cat fight!

You may or may not have seen this footage of two chicks getting into an argument at the race track.



Women are competing in professional sports nowadays? What next, they're going to get the right to vote? What kind of Bizarro world are we living in. If this was two guys arguing it would have ended with a punch to the face or one of them sleeping with the other guy's wife. Much simpler that way.

P.S. I know some of you will argue that racing is not a sport, it's something people watch while sitting on the porch drinking a tall boy and polishing their shotgun. I know, you're preaching to the choir.

Edge of your seat ending.

Yesterday on Sports Center there daily online question was whether the All Star was an Instant Classic or Boring, and showing that the rules should be changed. Now since I have nothing else to do this summer I actually watched the whole thing, even after 1 am. My personal opinion is that after the 11th something should have been changed about the outcome, it became embarrassing. Both managers had a pitcher that they were not supposed to use but eventually had to, and the reserve players (the all star "scrubs") played 9 or 10 innings (twice as long as the real all stars). After 15 innings and a couple closers pitching 3 innings, home field advantage in the World Series was given to the AL. I hope that comes to be important come October so smug Bud Selig realizes how stupid this is. Home field to determine the champion of the sport should not be determined in the 15th inning of a 5 hour game in which closers and players from teams that suck (Rockies, Padres, Orioles, Royals to name a few) are the ones affecting the outcome. When players from the teams who will be playing in October (Red Sox, Brewers, Cubs, Phillies, Angels) are all on the bench. I mean Sheets, Zambrano, and Cliff Lee were pitching their best stuff but were only allowed to pitch 2 innings so all the scrubs could get a chance. If the outcome really mattered Sheets and Lee would have pitched into the 7th or 8th.

Here are my proposals:

• Home field is determined by overall inter-league record, that way every team and every player is affecting who gets home field.
  
• In the All Star game, if it goes into the 9th inning, players can come back into the game once every player has played at least an inning.
• For pitchers 4 starters and 3 closers are chosen as active players for the game (that way they don't have 12 pitchers to try to get into the game) and one extra starter and closer are chosen that will only pitch if it goes to extra innings.
• After the 12th inning, it goes into something different, like a home run derby or a three-legged race. The game is for the fans, and I bet very few were watching after the 11th. The last 2 1/2 hours were pretty boring. There was one inning in which Cook pitched out of a bases loaded 0 outs jam and Martin had a couple great plays at home plate, but that was it. If the outcome doesn't matter (like it shouldn't) lets just entertain the fans at that point.
  

As a side note shame on Yankees fans for harassing Pappelbon's wife because he was misquoted in the paper. We get it you hate the Red Sox. Sports rivalries are fun to a point, then they are mean. I thought it was funny when you cheered when Manny Ramirez struck out, even though he was on your team. But harassing an innocent lady, that's low.

Hey ma, look at me

After going to the baseball game yesterday and watching it today on the television set, I know how stupid people will act to get their face on tv for like 2 seconds. Yesterday at the game they were talking to some women as the fan of the game and had her on the scoreboard then this dude was jumping in front of her so he could get on the scoreboard too for 2 seconds. In between every inning they scan the crowd showing idiots just acting nuts and doing whatever they can to get shown on camera for 2 seconds. Then today during the game they continually scanned the crowd with more people acting stupid and holding up signs begging to be put on camera. Throughout the game a family directly behind home plate were constantly on the cell phones and waving. "Hey aunt Cheryl, look we on tv, that's me waving my hand and not paying attention the game."

I suggest if you want to be on tv, do it the old fashion way..... through some kind of hostage situation or crime spree.

Sports rantings

Just 3 quick sports ramblings today children:

• You would think that the NBA would hire better writers. The season finale of the NBA aired last night and the best that the writers could come up with is a 40 point blowout. Lame. The good news is that because the NBA season is so long, it starts back up in like 3 weeks. It was an alright season but you could tell they were affected by the writers strike.
• Stephen Colbert had a hilarious bit about Ken Griffey Jr.(It's in the first 30 seconds)

It is sad that a good guy who never cheated on the game, his wife, or his taxes, is overlooked historically by some guy who did cheat on the game, his wife, and his taxes.

• The Brewers are looking "good" again, but it is still scary. I think the final score is overshadowing the fact that they are not that good again. If they had not hit a homerun last night they would not have scored any runs. In fact they never got a runner past 2nd base without a homerun. So a 7-0 blowout really could have been a 0-0 pitchers duel. There is way too much emphasis on the homerun. A guy like Cameron who sucks and is batting about .220 strikes out 3 times a game, but hits a homerun on Sunday and is declared the hero and everyone talks about how glad we should be to have him. I'd rather have a guy who hits .320 with no homeruns than a guy who hits .220 with 10 homeruns, and averaging 1.5 strikeouts per game. Outside of Braun, Fielder, and Hart everyone is batting under .240 and a few under .210. Still sad. Plus we have no bullpen. I'm still a fan but they still have way too many gapping holes.

And the winner is....

In the epic battle of the New York Whiners vs The New England Cheaters, the Whiners have some how pulled out the victory. Yet somehow I couldn't care less. I have no idea how Eli Manning, the quarterback with the personality of an inanimate carbon rod, ran an offense that beat The Cowboys, The Packers, and The Patriots. Eli Manning is terrible. Now we can look forward to Eli struggling his way through more and more commercials in an attempt to be more like his brother, who is tolerable in those many commercials he is in.

At least baseball season is right around the corner, we can only hope that New York and Boston teams buy their way to the championship again, oh wait they already have started.

Random Rantings (Sports Edition)

• The NBA season starts on Wednesday. Who would have known. I know I wouldn't have known except that crime has risen in America recently, must be the NBA season.
• The NBA is going to allow their referees gamble in casinos during the off season. Brilliant. Can they also slap around hookers and start baby fights? Sign-me up.
• The World Series was completely lame.
• They had Boyz 2 Men and a dude from Earth, WInd and Fire sing the national anthem. Couldn't find Tony, Toni, Tone, or Milli Vanilli? How about either an artist from one of those cities or someone who has made music in the last 10 years.
• Now we have 6 long months of no sport really worth paying attention to.
• The NFl had a game in London over the weekend, why? I watched the first 2 minutes on Fox and they broadcasters actually said the excitement level was bigger than the Super Bowl. Please, it was the Giants and the Dolphins. The Dolphins might be the worst team in the last 6 years. And they Giants are all ass-holes.
• How are the Rams 0-7? According to pres-season polls they have a top 3 running back, top 5 wide receiver, and top 10 quarterback. You would think that would correlate to one victory. The Packers have no running back, one top 10 wide receiver, and a 37 year-old quarterback and they are 5-1.
• If I see one more report on Sports Center about how the fires in California are inconveniencing athletes and how these teams had to practice elsewhere, I am going to go down the their studios and punch Stuart Scott in the face. Who cares. These fires have killed 13, and dissplaced thousands of people with no fire insurance or place to go.