You ungrateful $%*@

With this week's release of The Pursuit of Happiness I decided I would rant about why I refuse to ever see that movie.

First off, I hate sappy "inspirational" movies, even if they are based on real life events. Life is an uphill battle and you have to fight for every inch you get. I don't want to see some chump get lucky and fall ass-backwards into money, love, achievement, or whatever he falls into that is supposed to be so "inspirational." Lets make a movie about someone who never finds true love, is miserable, goes from job to job, never has money, lives in a shitty apartment, and never "figures it out" and finds happiness. Now that movie I would see.

Secondly, Chris Gardener (Will Smith's character) was born and raised in Milwaukee and attended MPS schools until he went to Chicago and someone fell ass-backwards into a great job and climbed the ladder. This spring MPS high schools are putting together a Leadership Conference for youths to attend and gain experience in leadership. They are looking for a guest speaker to come in and inspire the students. It was thought to try to get Chris Gardner to come and speak, seeing how succesful his movie was he was from MPS originally. MPS was then told by his "reps" that his speaking charge was $30,000 and no discount for MPS. Hey asshole, way to forget where you came from, nice. There's nothing like pretending that you want to motivate and inspire others to find the same success as you did, and then hiding behind your money. Charging $9 a head to see the movie and then charging $30,000 to speak. "Hey I made is out successfully, why would I care if anyone else does." Didn't anyone tell you that you shouldn't forget where you came from.

Well, a wise man once said, "What goes around, comes around."

New Gingrich is a big, fat, idiot

Say what you will about Al Franken, but he was the one to first say that Rush Limbaugh was a big, fat, idiot. ALong those same lines I argue that Newt Gingrich is a big, fat, idiot.

First of, he is considering running for the republican nomination for president. What kind of a big, fat, idiot American would vote for him? Oh, wait; there are a lot of big, fat, idiot Americans. Ok, so maybe NEwt is smart for running for president.

Recently NEwt Gingrich was speaking at the National Federation of Republican Women(arrggg, a hot spot to pick-up those bitchy house-wife types) and stated that we are wasting our time and money with bilingual programs and that Spanish and other non-English languages are languages of the ghetto. So everyone who speaks Spanish is poor and lives in a ghetto?? Tell that to Carlos Mencia, Penelope Cruz, and Benicio del Toro. How can someone be so ignorant as to believe and say that only poor folk speak languages other than English? HE also went on to imply that if these people spoke English they would magically rise out of the ghetto and become more productive members of society. He also wants to eliminate bilingual education programs that allow students who do not speak English learn basic skills like math in their primary language while they learn English so that they do not fall behind their peers. How are these students suppossed to learn these other skills if they are only taught in English and they do not understand English as of yet? So we will have a bunch of people who can now speak ENglish but will have no other skills like math, science, and social studies knowledge because they were taught it in English before they knew English.

These are great ideas Newt, and thanks for characterizing non-English speakers as being confined within ghettos within cities.

NCAA Thoughts

During this Final Four Weekend I thought I would take a few moments to reflect on College Basketball.

Before the tournament began everyone on all major sports programs said it was going to be the wildest and most unpredictable tournament in years. Fast Forward to now, and that is not the case. The Final Four has two #1 seeds and two #2 seeds; exciting. With there being a good chance that the championship game will feature the overall #1 and #2 teams (Ohio State and Florida). In years past there has always been a couple underdog cinderalla teams beating some top-ranked teams, and at least one of the Final Four teams being a seed under 4. I argue that this tournament has been the exact opposite of what was predicted. Teams beat who they were supposed to, and not many upsets. The same two teams that met in the football championship may probable meet in the basketball championship. How exciting!!

In other NCAA notes, Dick Vitale is a big fat idiot. Sportscasting must be the only job that the louder you are the better people think you are at it. If you actually listen to Dick Vitale( I know its difficult) you will notice that he is barely saying anything and what he is saying is incredibly stupid. I think because he yells so much, people just assume that he must be really good. He stumbles through his words, often says the wrong word, uses the wrong player name, and usually his predictions are false. Now he is in a commercial for Digorno's. Wow, can that man "act." The commercial would have been more effective if they just put a frozen pizza on the middle pf the basketball court and had a dog piss on it. Instead they have Dick Vitale dreaming that he is a good basketball player named "the deliveryman" and can jump 8 feet in the air. Mmmm, don't you want to eat pizza?

Its a bird...its a plane... no wait...it's only Superman.

I'm tired of all this superhero bashing that has been going on lately.

Last Saturday the Journal Sentinel ran an editiorial entitled "America can manage without superheroes." http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=578539 I strongly believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion and I enjoy reading editorials to learn more about how other people view the world. This editorial was written in response to the death of Captain America and strongly believed that the world would be better without superheroes. She believes that they give us false hope and make it seem to easy to fix the worlds problems. The things is that we all need a little hope. There are many problems and evils in this world, and most people do nothing about it.

Then on Friday night I was out and about and went into a bar wearing a Superman sweatshirt like I usually do. This girl there just started laying into me about my Superman sweatshirt. She thought it was "weird" that a grown man was into Superman. We need more adults "into" superheroes. We need an escape, a glimmer of hope. Why is that a bad thing? Too many people are "into" being an asshole and only looking out for themselves. I say we all should find the inner child in us and believe in a man in a red cape swooping down and saving us all. Hey, why not? No one else is going to save us all.

Here is my editorial response to the Journal's editorial against Superheroes.

I read your editorial, “America can manage without superheroes,” in the Journal Sentinel on Saturday March 17, and found it interesting but a bit off-base. My first thought was, “Congratulations you cheered and took joy in the death of someone.” Albeit, it was a fictionalized person in a comic book, but still a person. I don’t see how the death of anything can make the world “better” and push people into being more involved in things like the PTA and our community like you mentioned.

You had some oversimplified stereotypes about superheroes in your editorial. You mentioned that there is an “outside evil” and the hero usually comes from the outside. Without going into any long exhaustive details, let’s look at heroes and villains and their origins. Bruce Wayne (Batman) was born and raised in Gotham City, Clark Kent (Superman) was born in Kansas (Metropolis), Peter Parker (Spider Man) was born in Brooklyn, and Captain America was born in New York. All these individuals went on to fight crime in their own hometowns. All of the them also fought against villains who were from their cities.

You said that once the evil is thwarted that the superhero runs off until the next evil threat occurs. That’s the great dichotomy of being a superhero; every one of them battles with the fact that they just want to be normal like everyone else, but they know that unlike everyone else they have this ability to do more, and they have to do more at whatever cost. That’s what makes superheroes so interesting. How many of us would be able to walk away from the love of our live to save the life of a perfect stranger that will be unable to ever fully thank you. Yet that is what everyone one of them does day in and day out. They have all had to walk away from their true lives, wherein life is simpler, and took the calling. How many of us take the easy way out everyday. We could go down to the YMCA and volunteer our time, but I’m tired from work, I’ll just go home and relax. I could take this money I’ve been saving up and donate it to that new church and rec center they are building in the city; but I think I'll just take a vacation down to Florida.

Also, consider that a good number of superheroes actually have no super-powers at all, they just have this desire to do more than the average citizen. Batman had no superpowers, just a lot of money. Captain America had no super-powers, just a potion he could take that would make him stronger; but not invincible. Green Arrow had no superpowers, just money and a very accurate bow and arrow. How is it not a good idea to look up to someone who is actually just like us but strives to do more, to save more, and be more of a difference? Is this not the same as someone who has no super-powers but is a really good surgeon, going out and working as a doctor at a free clinic? The same thing as someone who has no super-powers but is really smart and dedicated, who works as a teacher in the inner-city?

The fact of the matter is that superheroes are exactly that; heroes that are super. Yes there are heroes that walk among us everyday that deserve more recognition. A few that come to mind are Wesley Autrey (the “NY city subway hero”), Jackie Robinson (breaking the color barrier in baseball), Paul Rusesabagina (the real-life hotel owner fro Hotel Rwanda), and Jason Thomas (the gentleman who pulled people out of the World Trade Center wreckage). Unfortunately the world doesn’t care about these people, they would rather focus on the Ron Artest’s and Eminem who are popular in pop-cultural media but are horrible role models. How is it then a negative to acknowledge individuals, despite being fictionalized, who are pop-culturally famous and good people. It’s a lot easier to reach young people and show them to be good people and do the right things by having them watch a Batman or Superman movie than show them footage of Paul Rusesabagina allowing refuges into his hotel to escape death, even at the risk of his own life. People can easily respond to superheroes, they do the right things and make it look “cool” to do the right thing.

I don’t see how believing in superheroes is such a bad thing, it promotes us to become the best we can be, in our own little ways. Most people out there become whoever they have become (for better or worse) because of someone they saw and strived to be like. How many doctors out there would say that they reason they got into medicine is because either they spent time in a hospital as a child and the doctors that treated them were great, or maybe a family member was in that situation. I’m sure you became a clergywoman because faith was important to you and growing up you looked up to clergy as a source of inspiration. I am currently a high school teacher and the main reason I got involved in education is because my entire life I was surrounded by powerful teachers who shared with me the life-fulfilling power of education.

If more people read superhero comics or just watched the movies, we would have more people conscious of the world around them and might actually get more involved. Too many people walk this earth having no care about how it all fits together, that there are people in every city, on every street hoping and praying for help and guidance. What do we do; sit at home and watch Desperate Housewives, drive our SUVs, and send all our promising young men overseas to fight a war. (I don’t think any superhero went on a vigilante mission looking for theorized weapons of mass destruction.) Superheroes give us a glimmer of hope in an ever-hopeless world. Maybe we are all not doomed, maybe someone will come swooping down out of the sky and save us all. Do I believe someone like Superman exists that can stop bullets? No, of course not. But what if we could get closer to that point? What if we could have more and more people donating their time at the Boys and Girls Club downtown? More people being more conscious of gasoline consumption? What if we all cared just a little bit more? Superheroes aren’t asking us to walk away from everything and everyone we love and take a bullet for a stranger. That’s their job. We have to do the rest. Go to PTA meetings, help around the community, fix healthcare and education, and care about our brothers and sisters.

There was a great line in Smallville (a show about Clark Kent growing up and learning how to become Superman) between Clark and his mother. Clark does not want to do all these great things and save all these people, he just wants to settle down with his true love and become a farmer like his father, but he knows he is meant for more. His mom tells him, “Every world needs its hero; they inspire us to be better than we are.”

Me 1 - Japanese Auto Makers 0

I had to change my headlight bulb this weekend on my KIA Sprectra, and let me tell you that it turned into quite the endeavor. A simple task that should take a few minutes ended up taking over an hour and is still not technically completed.

Step One: I went to AutoZone and purchased new headlights and came back home. No problem so far.

Step Two: Look on car manual to make sure I change bulb correctly. The book is made for every kind of KIA, not just a Sprectra. Why don't they have a specific book for each type of car. This is like Sony creating one user's manual that is for CD players, telvisions and PlayStation 3. So I find the section that shows how to change the headlight in a Sprectra. It turns out you have to remove the bumper, yes the bumper, to get to the headlight. So I figure, what the hell, thats do this. I proceed to take off the bolts to remove the bumper. The book shows 4 bolts, even though there about 9. SO I take them off and then nothing happens. The bumper won't budge. Which brings be back to a rule in life: bumpers are meant to be removed.

Step Three: So I think to myself , this car is not going to get the best of me. It turns out that you need to remove the bumper so you can get inside the headlight and attach this little metal clip to hold in the bulb. You really need two hands and a good angle to do this. Using my brain I decide to use the old standby, duct tape. I duct tape two toothpicks together and make my own little wooden clip and use more duct tape to duct tape the toothpicks to the headlight and tape this whole contraption together. Long story short; those crazy Japanese automakers may have thought they have outsmarted most Americans, but not this one. I found a way around your wacky headlight changing system.

How many people does it take to change a headlight bulb?

One, and some duct tape.

Another Saturday

Another Saturday has flown by and instead of sitting around doing nothing all day, like I usually do, I got up and learned that the world functions oddly on Saturdays. Its almost as if everyone gets up and thinks, "Hey, I worked hard all week in my cubicle, today I can be an obnoxious asshole."

I had to change by headlight on my car (this is a long story, and another blog). I eventually have to go out to Autozone on Bluemound to by one. On my back back driving down Bluemound, there was an accident. Not a big deal, right? Just merge over, drive past, and continue on your way. So I',m driving and let people merge in front of me and when I get closer I see that my lane is also closed and must merge as well. No problem, someone lets me over. Then out of no where some guy come down from a lane that is closed in about 50 feet flying past me and another car and then "merges" into our lane. I notice that this guy is on his cell phone, driving way too fast, and oblivious to other traffic. All this right in front of an accident. This is like hearing about a food poisoning case at a restaurant and then deciding to go out and eat there.

In the evening I went with my parents to eat. We went to this new Mexican restaurnat on 114th and Bluemound. Its a casual restaurant, my guess around 2 stars, nothing too special, but still a nice restaurant. Once there a group of two couples, my guess around 25-30 come and sit down. Both guys are wearing baseball caps backwards thinking they're the coolest kids in school. Heres a general rule as far as I'm concerned? Wherever you are, however stupid your haircut is, one should not bear a hat at a restaurnat. I don't care if you are at Denny's or the Ritz. There's no sun in doors, or style points awarded. Take it off. There was also a couple in their 50's who needed to understand that there are a lot of people living in this world, all living it in different ways. The second they sat down, there immediate question to the young busboy who sat them was, "How far away is smoking." He didn't understand the question but eventually told them that it was behind this set of doors. The then said, "I guess thats alright." Yes lady that is "alright" smoke 50 feet away behind some doors will not kill you, now settle down. Once they got their food, they picked at it and asked for extra sour cream and quacamole, then said they didn't like it and wanted to order something different. People, stay home and make your own lives miserable, there is no reason to make anyone else's life miserable in the meantime.

Post St. Patrick Blues

Some thoughts after St. Patrick's Day........

People who pretend that they are Irish are bigger assholes than people who are really Irish.

I know its St. Patrick's Day, I don't know need everyone to be wearing a shirt that tells me that.

Less is more when it comes to wearing hideous beads, hats, buttons on St. Patrick's Day.

Some people don't understand to just have fun when they go out, leave the drama at home people.

Don't let your heritage write checks that your ass can't cash.

If you can't wait 2 minutes for a drink when a bar is busy, you have bigger problems than not having a drink.

Don't ask for drink specials on the second biggest drinking night of the year, and then be disappointed that they don't have any specials.

Trust me, we can tell if you're Irish or not; you don't need to continually tell people that and you don't need a shirt either.

If you're not Irish, don't worry people can tell that too; so stop pretending.

All in all a great Holiday. Everyone can enjoy it, unfortunately even assholes.

Is nothing sacred....

Ever since high school I have worked at an Irish bar, one of my best friends currently works at another Irish bar, and another of my friends is 125% Irish, so I take this stuff pretty seriously. Something needs to be talked about/ ranted about regarding amateurs on St. Patrick's Day.

1) In Ireland it is a sacred day filled with mass and family time, not non-atop partying. (They do that 364 days a year). So, go out and have a few, but make it fun. Go out with family and friends to a place where the emphasis is having a good time. Not standing alone at a bar slamming them back and mentally undressing every girl in the room.

2) Unlike New Years don't pre-party so much that you are passed out, puking, with your pants at your ankles by 6 PM. The Irish emphasize longevity in their drinking. Lets make it last people.

3) Don't pretend that you love Irish beer and food all year round, just because you pretend to one day a year. I have witnessed many people coming into these tradiitonally Irish Bars on St. Patty's Day and pretending like they own the place and are there are all time. Hey ass-hole, I am here all the time and never seen you here. Shut up, sit down and enjoy your appletini.

4) DOn't brake out every Irish joke you know, and have been storing up all year, today. Hey, this is their day, give them a break. They know their drunks and love meat and potatoes, a non-clever joke about two guys walking into a bar isn't making it any easier.

5) Finally, and by far most importantly, DO NOT DRINK GREEN BEER. Drink a really Irish beer: Guinness, Swithwicks, or Harp. Who ever connected the Irish with green is beyond me. I've never seen a green Irish man, most of them are pae ass white with red hair. Coloring a beer does not make it any more Irish. I have seen a sign saying "come in and have a green Miller Lite, the official sponsor of St. Patrick's Day." What the hell?? Who authorized this? Who represents all Irish people everywhere? Conan O'Brien?? Tracy McGrady?? ST. Patrick would be rolling in his grave if he knew a Unionized, American, watered-down, green beer was the sponsor of his day. I have been working at an Irish bar and have seen people get angry and leave when they are told that we do not have green beer. I told them I could punch them in the eye and they will never see color again. Do us all a favor and knock the beer out of anyone's hand you see drinking a green beer, and tell them to get a real beer.

Maybe someday we can have a holiday where everyone goes out and drinks like a pussy and has a 3 pints of beer (or 2 appletinis) and has a shot of amaretto and calls it a night.

Rosie O'Donnell is as Big of a joke as you think

Everyone has a secret (or not-so-secret) list of people they would shoot if they had 6 bullets. My unofficial list is Rosie O'Donnell, Oprah Winfrey, Whooppi Goldberg, John Travolta, Tom Cruise, and Bono. Stay tuned for future blogs and the others, todays focuses on Rosie.

1) Why is she famous in the first place? What did she do besides The FLintstones MOvie that ever put her on the radar?

2) Did you ever catch her talk show?? Wow that made Chevy Chase's talk show look brilliant. Yet somehow suburban housewives loved it and it stayed on the air for far too long. All she did was fling koosh balls into the audience and have her stupid band leader laugh at everything she did. Everyone is funny when you have someone following you around laughing. On a related note I am auditioning people to follow me around laughing at my jokes and telling me how smart I am every time I talk. You will also be responsible for playing the Imperial March from Star Wars every time I walk into the room.

3) Donadl Trump schooled her quite well. Trump did an excellent job slamming her on many fronts, and her comebacks were pathetic.

4) Now she ahs come out that she suffers from depression and tried to commit suicide after the Columbine shootings. Depression is serious and many people suffer from it, but part of me doubts if she really does. Columbine?? What about Columbine upset her so much?? She didn't have kids in high school, she didn't live near there, wasn't connected to anyone involved. Columbine was a horrific thing and should make everyone thinks about the state of violence in this country. But I don't know many people who would consider suicide after such an events.

5) She has gone on the View to say that for 30 minutes a day she hangs upside in this swing-like device for therapy for her depression. How can hanging upside down help depression? That would mean bats must be the happiest creatures on earth. I watched a clip online of her showing this device on t.v., and I must say it was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life.

Thanks for playing....go home

This past Thursday I got home around 7:45 and didn't want to turn on the show I was recording and watch the ending so I decided to catch a glimpse of the American Idol voting off show. Wow, what gripping television, just kidding. The part that really amazed was what happened after the released the voting results.

First every one was in shock. I know nothing about these singers; which one is better or if one is a jerk and doesn't deserve to be there. However, the nature of the show is that people are voted off weekly, so you have to expect someone to leave each week. People were in tears and saying how great of a guy he was and didn't deserve to be voted. Of course, if he's a good singer he must be a great guy. No one that can sing would run over kittens or anything mean like that. Its not like he is going out to pasture and being shot. He is just being voted off and has to go back to his mitiful, meaningless life in Anytown, USA.

The second thing that stuck out to me was that he had to sing another song moments after being told he sucked and had to leave the show, and oh yeah America hates you and they didn't vote for you to stay. It hadn't even hit him yet and then he had to belt out a song for the same American Public that voted him off, and now these same voters were cheering and having a good time with him. It seems bizarre to make someone perform one more time after being voted off. Thats like being fired on a Monday and having to finish the work week. Telling a pilot that he's fired, but first land this plane.

If I was voted off American Idol I would proceed to sing Rape Me by Nirvana or Closer by Nine Inch Nails or College Girls are Easy by Eazy-E.

Recently the U.S. armed forces has been getting a lot of heat about the torturing and interogation of suspected terrorists. A group of soldiers claim that they had no training in torturing techniques and we put in situations where they were expected to properly "interrogate" suspects. They went on to say that the majority of the techniques they were using they learned from television and movies. They specifically mentioned the show 24 and said they were using techniques they saw on the show. This has raised a good deal attention towards how television influences us. Keifer Sutherland from 24 has offered to go over seas and speak to our armed forces about the fictionalized nature of his show and they should not take it as being real. 24's executive producer has gone on to say he makes no apologies for the show and its ludacris to think tv can influence us so greatly. Critics and pundits say that obviously tv influences us, others companies wouldn't but commercials to influence those watching to but their product. They argue that tv can't have it both ways; have their commercials influence viewers but not have the shows influence people. I think its ridiculous to think that mankind can't tell the difference between reality and fiction and between commercials and the tv show. If television would influence us 100% here is a list of shows and how they would influence us. (Note; I don't actually watch most of these shows but am guessing on how they would influence me.

Desperate Housewives- suburban housewives are whores and their husbands are oblivious

Heroes- some people can fly, read minds, predict the future, bend metal, travel through time, not bleed, walk through walls etc.

Prison Break- it only takes 22 45 minute episodes to escape from prison with 6 of your friends

House- Its cool to pop vicodin like they're vitamins and still be the best doctor ever.

The Unit- there is a secret branch of the Army that has a mission of assasinating terrorists and world leaders all over the world

The class- everyone still hangs out with kids from high school 15 years later, and now everyone gets along

CSI- every crime is solvable

Gilmore Girls- its cool to be a single mother who has men who are out of your league interested in you romantically and have a teenage daughter more promiscuous than you

Boston Legal- lawyers aren't assholes

Medium- its possible to talk to the dead to help solve who murdered them

Jericho- after a nuclear holocaust one city would somehow survive it

Lost- its possible to survive a plane crash

Scrubs- doctors are funny

Grey's Anatomy- all doctors are overly good-looking and are all sleeping with each other

Smallville- Superman really exists

Cold Case- its easier to solve a case 10 years after the crime

Survivor- people will do anything for money

The Office- working in an office and in a cubicle doesn't suck, in fact its hilarious

Everybody hates Chris- black people are different from white people