It's getting closer than we think

Check this out:

I'm telling you Planet Of the Apes was not science fiction. They are one step closer to taking over the world. LEt's see their check list so far.

• Have Hollywoode make a series of "Science Fiction" movies about their plan, so the humans think it would never happen. (Check)
• Have Marky Mark make a remake, to have the next generation see the simplicity of the plan. (Check)
• Have bears become godless killing machines and wreak havoc around the country, taking the humans' eyes off the real threat, apes. (Check)
• Have adorable squirrels begin doing reconasaince around the country. (Check)
• Have monkeys start becoming waiters and take away human jobs. (Chceck)
• Have moneky waiters start infilitrating humans' food supply. (????)
• With humans poisoned, General Thade takes off his the Former President George W. Bush mask and shows the world who has really been running the country. (any day now)
• With General Thade at the front of a massive ape army and the humans demobilized because of the monkey waiter poisonings and Americas crippled economy, the apes take over the world.

Not such an entertaining little science fiction movie now is it?

Thursday Break

It's Thursday, it's cold, it's time for some videos:


Republicans are funny.


White kids are funny.


This is sweet because they are an awesome band, they're playing outside, and they're playing on the fire escape behind the Hello Deli.

Back to work.

Let's not go America on your a**

Looks like rival blogger EdGrimley really does hate freedom.

You think you're emo

Now this is emo:

Ebony vs Ivory

So I was watching the TV again after work and saw a preview on Comedy Central for some new sketch comedy show called "Chocolate News." Its hosted and starring David Alan Grier. Not really the most cutting edge stuff. The guy is 53 years old and I bet most people forgot he was famous for being on In Living Color.

However this is not a rant about the show (it should be pretty self-explanatory about why this show will suck). This is a rant about the commercial for the show that had some quotes from newspaper reviews. One was from the New York Post: "Funniest thing since Chappele." Why do they have to compare it to the only other black comedian sketch comedy show that has come out. WHy not compare it to Carlos Mencia or any comedy show. "Funniest show since Friends" (the whitest show I can think of).

What's funny about this is that I didn't even realize he was black until I looked it up. Look at some of the movies he has appeared in: Stuart Little, The Bonnie Hunt Show, Return to Me, Angels in the Infield, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Bewitched, these are some of the whitest movies ever. To quote Chappele "he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcom X."

As a side note I saw this Holiday Inn commercial that is funny:


It's funny because white people are different from black people.

Animal Parts for sale

This morning I turned on the news for background noise while I got ready for work (trying to block out all the screaming). I over heard an odd story that said that Ebay was going to ban the sale of ivory starting January of 2009. Wait hold on? So it is currently legal to sell ivory on Ebay? Isn't it pretty much illegal to sell ivory anywhere?

This article gets into more details. According to the article over a six week period there were 7,000 posts offering body parts of endangered wild life (apparently panda ears are popular). This just seems to be bizarre to me. Who goes on the Internet looking to score something from a wild animal?

Also interesting about the story is that this won't take effect until January of 2009. Why the wait? Is there that much traffic in this currently that banning it now would affect their profits? Sadly probably yes.

Leave Me Alone

In case you missed this, Ringo Starr has posted on his website/ blog that he is no longer accepting any fan mail or requests for autographs. I can understand wanting your piece and quite (I get 300-400 letters of fan mail* a week). But this guy would be nothing without his fans. The Beatles were the biggest thing ever in America at the time. They made a mark on society and music. The fact remains that many experts did not think they were that great originally, and bet that they would not make it. But, becuase of their fans, they rose up and became the biggest phenomena ever. Since the Beatles, there is no reason Ringo should be anything, but his fans have stayed loyal, and helped him afford the lifestyle he lives. He will also be missing opportunities like Giambi above and here, here, or here.

So going along with Ringo I am making the following demands to my fans:

• I will no longer come over for late night parties with rooms full of women
• I will no longer answer any fan mail, e-mails, voice mails, smoke signals, or bat signals.
  
• I will no longer stand outside of your windom on Thanksgiving night while your family eats dinner.
• I will no longer call your house late at night and breathe heavily into the phone
• I will no longer stand outside of your window late at night in the rain blasting Peter Gabriel out of my stereo.
  

*By fan mail I mean letters demanding money and death threats.

City Rankings

Sports Illustrated recently came out with their rankings of top football stadiums in the country based on these criteria: affordability and food, tailgating, team quality, atmosphere, and accessibility. It is nice to note that Green Bay finished in first, but hear are a few of my rants:

• Green Bay finished 2nd in tailgating behind Buffalo, that's just odd to me.
• Green Bay finished 4th in accessibility. Seeing that season tickets are sold out for the next 237 years, I would say that it is very inaccessible.
• Seattle finished 4th in Team Quality. Have you seen them play this year?
• It is nice to see the 3 other NFC North teams, Minnesota, Chicago, and Detroit finishing in the bottom half, with Minnesota and Detroit the 3rd and 2nd worst respectively.
• It is also nice to see St. Louis as the lowest ranked. I lived in the "Nation's Most Dangerous City" for five years. It is a hell hole. Their team is terrible. It is impossible to get to it downtown, and football should not be played indoors.
• As a side note it is nice to see the great state of Wisconsin finished 1st for NFL stadiums and 2nd for MLB stadiums.
  

I'm alive bi**hes!!

I have written in the past of how TV shows kill of their characters when their writers can't think of anything else to write. They have these crazy plot twists when "one of your favorite characters will die!" Like it is supposed to make a show more exciting when a character is killed off. It has always been my theory that this makes a show less interesting. The best shows throughout time have had the same cast every year it is on, and the shows that kill of characters take away reasons to watch the show.

Now I think the bubble on those theories has finally burst. There are a number of shows that I watch that either last year or this year have brought back a character killed off or written off the show:

• On 24, 2 seasons ago the 2nd best character Tony Almeida was shown killed by the bad guy, and now this year he is miraculously coming back as a main character. Last season, without his character, was the shows worst season, so they realized that they need him and are somehow going to bring him back.
• On Lost, one of the main characters speaks with the dead so last season they were able to bring back the numerous characters they killed off, and I heard even more are coming back this year, and more often.
• On The Office, one of the main characters was arrested for fraud in the company, and then in this year's season premiere he just showed up. The explanation was that the charges were minimized to community service, he was fired, and then somehow was rehired as a temp at his original location.
• On Heroes in the season finale for Season 1 and Season 2 the same main character was killed only to come back in the next season premiere. The first time one of the heroes with the ability to heal came in and helped, but this season the character was actually declared dead at the hospital and taken to the morgue, and during the night he miraculously awoke, all being chalked up to "a miracle." This same character this season also talks to a character previously killed off as well. Also last year on the show they killed off a character, then this year she has come back as the original character's long lost twin.
  

This is only for the shows that I actually watch, I can only imagine how bad some of the other shows have come. Take it from me, just write interesting story lines, and you don't need to kill off characters only to bring them back.

Also, I thought this was funny. (As a fellow Nic Cage hater).

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Dumb It Down

Army of One Parody
I have noticed recently that people tend to dumb things down thinking that the person that they are talking to is a complete idiot, when in fact they are the one who is an idiot.

Take these two situations I have been in this week:

• We had a meeting after work on Wednesday in which we were being trained on this new program on the computer that allows us to log in and see a calendar of events, psot messages, respond to messages, instant message other employees, etc. BAsically an online community. The pace they were going at was ridiculous. It took them 15 minutes to show us how to open the Internet, go to the website and log in. I was so bored with it, I took some stuff out and started correcting papers. One of the people walking around helping those who needed help, came up to me and ask if this was too fast for me and that's why I was not paying attention. "No, you are going at a pace that a dim-witted monkey could understand, please leave me alone."
• My dad is having difficulties with his computer so I told him I would come over and call Dell tech support. I got on the phone with 'Sean" (some Indian dude I could barely understand) who took 5 minutes asking me to make sure the computer is plugged in. He said, often times, it might not be plugged in. Other ideas he had were: maybe the monitor is turned off, maybe it is on and working but in sleep mode, have you tried resetting it, and other stupid ideas. It took 40 minutes before he came to the conclusion that maybe something is wrong and we could take it in for servicing.

DUMB IT DOWN!

It's over.......

It's over the Brewers are eliminated from the Playoffs. One word Jeff-Suppan. Why the f**k didn't Yost start Gillardo, I mean Svuem. The guy was able to pitch, in fact he pitched 3 scoreless innings, and then went with Parra. Either of those could have started, but no they went with the horrible Suppan who hasn't done s**t in years. Great move.

Oh well, it was a hell of a ride. They made the playoffs for the first time in 26 years, lasted one game longer than the Cubs. Win.

Here is what they need to do this offseason (in order)

• Re-sign CC, no matter what. That guy could win 25 games on his own. Then you have Gallardo, Parra, Bush backing him up. That ain't bad.
• Get a real, experiened manager that has been involved with a winner. Not one of these backup gritty veterans that are in over their head.
• Bring Gamel up to play 3rd.
• Resign Durham, get rid of Weeks.
• Take offers for Fielder, hopefully to get pitching or a power right fielder.
• Either bring up Gwynn to play center, or move Hart to center and get a power right fielder.
• Don't re-sign Cameron (he is good, but not $10 million good).
• Show Gagne, Mota, and Sheets the door.
• Get a real closer and use Torres as a set-up guy.
  

What's that? I can't hear you?

So all week at work they have been doing construction on the roof of the building a floor lower than the floor I am on, and I have had construction workers literally inches away from my window. Imagine a drill, hammers, tar, and a flame thrower (yes a flame thrower) constantly on right outside your window. I have had the pleasure of having decibals ringing in my ears all week and the smell of fresh tar coming right into our room. (Wait why are the construction workers wearing masks over their noses? Uh-oh)

It is just ridiculous, it's not like I have to talk or be able to hear at my job. Oh, wait that is all I do.

I can't figure out why they didn't do this over the 3 months this summer when there was no one in the building, that would make too much sense.

The workers are also loud, I can hear them swearing at each other and playing their radio, no consideration of what is going on inches from them on the other side of a window.

They start early too. I got here at 7:20 today and they were out there hollering at each working their drills and flame throwers.... a nice relaxing morning.