He's Back............

So it's been a while since I have blogged (33 days to be exact). It's not that I couldn't find a reason to be angry at the world. I lost the fire. With the semi-retirement of rival EdGrimley, there was nothing left in it for me. Then last week out of the blue, EdGrimley dusted off his keyboard and joined the game again. It's on................

So last Wednesday I had an all-day meeting at Central Office for the District. There were about 20 of us in this room for some kind of "professional development." It starts at 8:30 and then around 10:00 they give us a 10 minute break. I go walk around and stretch my legs and come back. When we are starting back up this lady comes waddling in with a large bag of popcorn (I have no idea where she found a popcorn vendor in an office building). She then proceeds to sit down and start stuffing her face with the popcorn. Not just eating the popcorn but grabbing handfuls of it and stuffing her face with it. (It's 10 am, not that that is ever appropriate) So I'm sitting here trying not to laugh at this situation and my coworker lady sitting next to me asks whats so funny and I say "Nothing, it just feels like a Saturday Night Live Skit in here." She then looks and sees what I was laughing about and looks at me and says "don't be a snob." What? So not stuffing your face with popcorn in a business meeting at 10 am is being a snob? Sorry.

It reminded me of the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode "Mac and Dennis Breakup." (video not available, damn Hulu changing there 5 episodes only rule) Mac tries to help Frank clean up his lifestyle by not cutting his nails with a knife, not using garbage to stop his bleeding, and not eating cat food. Frank thinks not eating cat food is just putting on airs.


More to come soon, he's back

Hey douche bag? Me? No the other one.......

I have long said that people from New York and Philadelphia are a**-holes when it comes to sports, last night on the Daily Show they did a beautiful story on this.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Clash of the Cretins
www.thedailyshow.com
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Super bonus video day here:

Charlie Shows His Dance Moves - watch more funny videos

Freedom B**ches!

In honor of this great country and freedom, and not having to work on Monday (and getting paid) I present Rock, Flag and Eagle:

"I'm gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass, gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world, I'm gonna kick some ass, I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG, AND EAGLE!!"

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia premieres Sunday September 21st, get ready. THey also have a few new t-shirts on their website, including Charlie as a Leprechaun, Charlie as Wildcard, Dennis Reynolds for Comptroller, Electric Dream Machine, Dayman, and Rock Flag and Eagle. I've already made my 2 purchases.

I didn't purchase the Comptroller shirt, but the speech Charlie wrote for Dennis is a classic:

"Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I am hot. What? Taxes. They'll be lower, son. The democratic vote for me is the right thing to do, Philadelphia. So do."

If I ever run for office, I am using that speech.

Here is a outtake scene from this coming season:

Sadly I don't think this is an outtake, I think there is going to be a scene with Danny Devito coming out of a couch naked.

What a rush!

So some of you may already read this article about a high school student dieing. They were playing this new "game" called space monkey. Sounds like fun doesn't it. Oh wait, it involved putting a plastic bag over your head until you pass out. Other variations involve people choking each other or sitting on someone's chest until they can't breathe. Wow, you thought the future generation was f**ked before..........

Now,I have done some stupid s**t before in my time, but I don't think it would have ever crossed my mind to maybe put a bag over my head until I pass out. Or, "hey EdGrimley, would you mind sitting on my chest for a while until I can't breathe. I'm trying to get a rush."

What ever happened like huffing spray paint?




Editor's Note: EdGrimley may already be dead, he has not posted a blog in 2 weeks. I know this Michael Jackson thing hit him hard, but now I starting to get worried.

Classy

So I was a celebrity bartender last night at my local watering hole. Many of my readers have been there before, and some are lucky enough to have been there on a Friday night, so you may find this story believable.

Now, I've been working or going there for drinks for 12-13 years, so I have seen many a things there. The old story goes that on a Friday night, at least one bizarre thing happens that you will not see at another bar any where in the city.

On time a guy came in and looked around for a minute, went up to order some food togo and then pulled a lit cigarette out of his pocket and asked for the closest way to the freeway. The bartender replied "I can tell you the quickest way to get the f**k out of here. Me kicking your a** out of that door right behind you."

I found out last night that every Friday night around 7-7:30 there is this guy who comes in and walks around for almost 5 minutes looking like he is looking for someone he is supposed to meet, then grab a copy of The Onion, and then leaves. This has been going on every Friday for almost 4 months.

Last night around 7:30, a trashy family came in; mom, dad, grandma (in her 50s or 60s) and their kid, probably about 1 years old. The woman was also noticeably pregnant herself. We though to ourselves, alright another classic white-trash family bringing their young child and unborn child to a bar. Wouldn't be the first time. Then a few minutes we notice that the pregnant woman is drinking a beer. WTF? Apparently this women has not read a medical journal in the last 30 years. This might not be the best idea. I am still holding out that the woman was not pregnat even though she pretty much looked like this or this. THe other kicker was that this family didn't just quickly eat and get out of there to get their young child home, they stayed around for almost 2 hours, and at one point the dad brought the kid up to the bar so he (the dad not the kid) could smoke. Darwin was wrong.

When they left I looked over to the other bartender and just said "Stay Classy San Diego."

That is an example of the bad side affects of drinking, here is an example of the positive side affects.

Sellout

Here today I was going to post a couple of clips from It's Always Sunny today on Hulu. I am going to play a clip from Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person. in which her boyfriend uses the line "that shit's bananas. However now on Hulu It's Alway's Sunny is only posting five episodes at a time and rotating through them. They used to be one of only 2 shows (Arrested Development the other) that would post all their videos at the same time. Lame.

I guess I'll just have to post this video of the Yo-Yo championship without any introduction from Lil' Kevin.

What gas crisis?

I went to get gas today, and it was $2.17 a gallon. That is the lowest that it has been in years. It's so cheap that I lined by trunk with garbage bags and filled it with gas. Now I am taking the gas from my trunk into my bath tub by using a an empty milk carton. As soon as I am done I am going to bathe in the gasoline. I love freedom!

You think you're emo

Now this is emo:

Must escape reality

Instead of sitting around today and ranting about how the Brewers the only way Americaans can, buy shit. this void the only way Americans can, buy shit. I went out and bought Season 3 of It's Always Sunny in Philedelphia, all is well again. Instead of sitting around realizing that the Brewers still have 2 against Philly and 6 against the Cubs, and have only won 3 games this month, I am sitting here watch Mac and Dennis try out for The Eagles, Charlie in a greenman suit, and all 4 of them say god-d***it many, many times. I love escaping reality through the lives of those on TV.

Wake me when it's here...

In four weeks the funniest show on television returns. (A close second for 2nd funniest show here.) For those of you who can't wait here is a little video to help hold you over.



Also if anyone buys me a greenman suit I will be the Greenman for Halloween this year.

Attention Guys

You are all invited to my party mansion. All cool dudes are welcome. Nothing Sexual. Good fun times to be had. Dudes in shape. Observation humor preferred. Nothing Sexual.

You're going to have shit shoved up your ass so hard tonight buddy.