Shark Jumping

I've blogged in the past about the lazy writing on many tv shows; when they can't think of anything else to do they kill of a major character. Then I blogged how many shows have brought back characters they either wrote off the show (CSI) or killed off and were somehow alive (24). Now there is a new trend on television, shape shifters. A shape shifter is one character on the show who transforms into another character and pretends they are this new character and no one knows it. It basically is like "jumping the shark" times 10.

Beware spoilers for the following shows will follow: Fringe, Lost, Heroes, and Desperate Housewives.

Last season with about 4 episodes remaining in the season for Heroes they gave the main bad guy the ability to shape shift and turn into any character he touches. They then had the creative freedom to do anything on the show. You never knew what was occuring on the show because you never knew if it was the real character, or this main bad guy. They decided that this would get out of hand so in the last episode of the season they made another character get into his head and stop this transforming. It ended with the main bad guy killing one of the main good guys and then transforming into him, but now his brain and memories of that old good guy. Basically the main bad guy now looks and acts like the main good guy. This is the plot they are going to follow this season.

Then on Lost you found out in the season finale that one of the main characters died a while ago and who you were actually watching was this presence on the island that transformed themself into this main character. (WTF?) So here you didn't even have any real clues to it, they explained it many episodes later what happened awhile ago off camera.

Then in the season premiere of Fringe they had one of the main FBI characters killed by this alien type creature and the alien turned into him but no one knows. They think the FBI guy killed the alien type thing, when it was the other way around. When showing previews of the season, they showed that most of the plot this season is going to revovle around this fact.

I am guess that this season on Desperate Housewives will we will find out that one of the lonely housewives is actually the pool boy who shape shifted into a 40 year old soccer mom to get closer to the other women.

It's as if all these Hollywood writers went to the same seminar on how to write for television. This year's topic: "Shape shifters: how to use a simple plot twist to confuse the audience and be able to write whatever you want."

Why can't tv stick to basic writing and character development. On the other hand I watched the season premiere of House and it was outstanding. It didn't even take place in the hospital and House was the only main character in it. It was still outstanding. It had character development, comedy, suspense, drama, sex, and you actually became engaged in the plot and could understand what was going on.

Good Night Sweet Prince

I have written in the past about how many TV shows just kill off characters when they cannot think of anything better to do. Two shows I have ranted about in the past (Lost and 24) have been doing much better. Neither ahs really killed off any main characters this season, until Monday night.

24 killed off one of their top 3 main characters, Bill Buchanan, but they did it right. He had been with the show for 4 seasons and was a great character that really moved along the plot and made it possible for Jack Bauer to do a lot of the things he wanted to do. On last night's episode he gave up his life so the current terrorist situation with the President and the White House experiencing a hostage situation. When he died, they played violin music for the first time, and the show usually goes to commercial with a loud ticking clock, but this time it went to commercial in total silence. I will miss his character, but it made me think about the top "2nd-tier stars" on television. Not the main characters of a show, but characters that make everything else on the show happen. Here is the list I thought of while driving home from work:

• Bill Buchanan 24- (made it possible for Jack Bauer to do everything, risked his life and his job many times for the protection of his country)
• Wilson- House (with having House's best friend on the show, everyone would just see that House is an emotionally-dead jerk. He is an emotionally-dead jerk, but with his interactions with his friend WIlson, we see there is something more there below the surface.
• The Janitor- Scrubs (he is always good for a lagh. Even when the show gets too serious, he will have a scene where he terrorizes JD and you are reminded that this is just a comedy).
• Kramer- Seinfeld (almost too obvious to mention)
• Lester Freamon- The Wire (he doesn't get all that many scenes, but in every season, the only reason that the Police wire tap works is because of his knowledge and due-dilligence towards the case. I think literally none of the cases they worked on would have ever worked without him.)
• Jim - The Office (he is probably the funniest character opn the show, his battles with Dwight are priceless, plus he is probably the best salesman there, and he is a nice guy that moves along many of the storylines- when Dwight breaks up with Angela, he is there; when Michael feels left out that no one will sign chareokee with him, JIm sings; and when Andy gets dumped by his high school girlfriend, Jim is there.
• Nick Stokes- CSI (He is not the main character, but recently many characters have left but he has stayed. This week is episode #200. He is the only character that has broken down and cried over a case and seems to take a personal interest in the cases, plus once he was buried alive as a season-ending cliff hanger.
• Sawyer- Lost (Here is a character that has really evolved like no other on a show ever. He has never been the main character, but we have really seen some evolution. He started off a jack-a** that we are not suppossed to like, then we see stuff from his past so we learn why he is like that, then we see that he is a bigger jerk than he should be, and then last year we see him as a hero who gives up everything to save his friends, and now this season we see him as the leader and willing to risk everything again.)
  

Now that's good television

So I've always been a fan of the TV show House (truth be told I didn't start watching until Season 2). Other bloggers have discussed the show recently as well. I have never been able to get to the root of why it is such a compelling show. After all it is formulaic. You know that the first diagnosis will be wrong, and they will figure out what is wrong with about 5-10 minutes left, and it is never Lupus. The show is great not because of the case they are working on, but what is happening to them and around them because of the case. But now that it is on everyday at 9, I think I have gotten to the bottom of it.

It is not a show about medical mysteries at all, it is really a show about people and their imperfections. I also think it has some of the best dialogue in any show. House is a very imperfect person, he is just unbelievably good at one thing, diagnosing odd diseases. Otherwise he is a imperfect person who fails from obsessions (to drugs and perfection), he can't mutual love another person, and can't open up to someone else without sarcasm.

Last night's episode focuses on Foreman (Omar Epps) and his inner struggles. He wanted to prove something to House so he ran with his own diagnosis instead of taking anyone's opinion. The lady is from the inner-city and a drug dealer who calls out Foreman for selling out and becoming a cheap reflection of the man his mother raised. He writes her off as a drug addict. It turns out he is wrong, and now the lady has less than 24 hours to live. He decides to tell her and she curses him and all of this, but during it he just stands there crying and taking it all in. He then leaves, punches a wall, and walks back in and holds her hand. She asks why he isn't leaving, he says he is staying until the end. Which he does. He then goes to House for a "shoulder to cry on." House doesn't offer it. He says sometimes being wrong in this industry means killing someone, and that's a price doctors half as good as them don't have to pay, but "we do." House then walks out and talks to his best friend Wilson, and explains why he didn't help Foreman or help him cope. Foreman then goes home to his mother who doesn't even recognize him because of her Alzheimer.

It also kicks a@@ because Hugh Laurie talks as an American for 60 minutes, but in real life he has a crazy heavy british accent.

I'm alive bi**hes!!

I have written in the past of how TV shows kill of their characters when their writers can't think of anything else to write. They have these crazy plot twists when "one of your favorite characters will die!" Like it is supposed to make a show more exciting when a character is killed off. It has always been my theory that this makes a show less interesting. The best shows throughout time have had the same cast every year it is on, and the shows that kill of characters take away reasons to watch the show.

Now I think the bubble on those theories has finally burst. There are a number of shows that I watch that either last year or this year have brought back a character killed off or written off the show:

• On 24, 2 seasons ago the 2nd best character Tony Almeida was shown killed by the bad guy, and now this year he is miraculously coming back as a main character. Last season, without his character, was the shows worst season, so they realized that they need him and are somehow going to bring him back.
• On Lost, one of the main characters speaks with the dead so last season they were able to bring back the numerous characters they killed off, and I heard even more are coming back this year, and more often.
• On The Office, one of the main characters was arrested for fraud in the company, and then in this year's season premiere he just showed up. The explanation was that the charges were minimized to community service, he was fired, and then somehow was rehired as a temp at his original location.
• On Heroes in the season finale for Season 1 and Season 2 the same main character was killed only to come back in the next season premiere. The first time one of the heroes with the ability to heal came in and helped, but this season the character was actually declared dead at the hospital and taken to the morgue, and during the night he miraculously awoke, all being chalked up to "a miracle." This same character this season also talks to a character previously killed off as well. Also last year on the show they killed off a character, then this year she has come back as the original character's long lost twin.
  

This is only for the shows that I actually watch, I can only imagine how bad some of the other shows have come. Take it from me, just write interesting story lines, and you don't need to kill off characters only to bring them back.

Also, I thought this was funny. (As a fellow Nic Cage hater).

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Writer's Block (again)

I am always amazed with the s**tty caliber of movies each year outside of a handful of movies. The majority of movies that come out are down right awful. Is it really that difficult to write a movie that someone with half a brain would be interested in seeing? Apparently it is.

I ran into this little nugget about a new movie deal that was signed. They are going to make movies about a handful of Hasbro board games. Are you kidding me? Board games? Video game movies are awful and always star The Rock or Vin Diesel. I can only imagine how awful these movies will be. Sadly all these movies have been made already.

• Monopoly (Wall Street)
• Candy Land (Willy Wonka)
• Battleship (Crimson Tide and Hunt for Red October)
• Magic (Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter)
• Stretch Armstrong (Inspector Gadget
• Ouji (Poltergeist)

Anyone who has any part of these movies (on camera or behind camera) needs to be shot in the face and anyone who sees these movies needs to drown to death. You all have nothing better to do with your time or money? Sad.

Get to work people!

Well, reports are coming out of Hollywood that the Writer's Strike is going to be over in the next 24 hours. Thank god, now I can once again become the average American and watch 19 hours of TV a week. I had started to learn how to read, and was working on my manifesto. Now I can put those things aside and go back to mindless television viewing to escape all my problems, and I have many problems.

Sidenote: I found 19 hours on average not to be as high as expected, seeing that people in Thailand watch 22.4 hours a week. But I guess people in America are too busy blogging, or shoveling 12 inches of snow.


The Writer's Strike has now been moved from Dead to Me to On Notice. It still took 3 months of TV away and canceled this season of 24.

Let's get to work people!

Since this little writer's strike is almost entering it's 3rd month, I was going to take a moment and reflect on all of this. Reports estimate that the strike has cost Hollywood about $1.4 billion, and rising. Is this all really necessary? All the writer's really want is to make a few more pennies on the dollar, literally. Their main bargaining point is that they would like to make 4 cents per DVD sold, instead of the 2 cents they get now. All this is over 2 cents? WTF? If they had given this to them right away and no strike ever happened, they would not have lost that $1.4 billion and it would take over 10 years to lose that much over the new raise to 4 cents.

In honor of the strike and these money hungry a#@-holes I have featured two videos. One is from the always funny Colbert Report, the other is from the always profane Wu Tang Clan. Enjoy.

Can't we all get along?

I bet you were thinking this post was going to be about world peace or something. Sorry to disappoint all these hippies out there. But....

Ever since that judge decided I was unfit to even see my daughters (he still thinks they deserve my money though) I have been spending more time distracting my brain with mindless television. Well no more. It looks as if this writer's strike is in it for the long hall. Most shows have 3-5 episodes left already filmed and they will have to go into reruns, or god-forbid start airing more reality TV.

Colbert Report, Daily Show, The Tonight Show, and The Late Show have not had a new episode since the strike. Can't these hosts write their own jokes and interview questions? I guess not.

This week is going to be the last episode of The Office because Steve Carrell (not in the writer's guild) refuses to cross the picket line to film new episodes. I was watching Heroes last night and they actually said that the season finale was in 3 weeks. What? Its only November, and its the season finale? Nice 8 episode season guys. O also read that the new season of 24 was on hold indefinitely and probably will not air now until January 2009 (will Earth even exist then?). Now they may also cancel Lost until 2009 as well. Whats going on people? Can't you found a bunch of monkeys to sit down and write these scripts? Couldn't some of the Network Big-Wigs (i.e. Millionaires) to dip slightly into their pockets and actually pay these writers, the ones making all this money for them. As funny as these shows are, the actors are only as funny as the writers.

If I were an actor or Network producer I would be embarrassed that my whole company is crumbling because our lowest employees who sit in a dark room in the basement smoking pot and drinking coffee are on strike, and we can't run our business any more without them. Its almost as if Snow.man went on strike from getting coffee for Jake and the whole company came to a halt and they couldn't find any one else to get coffee.

Death for Ratings??

I am working on an ever-growing theory about the decline and fall of popular culture revolving around the fall of quality television programming. The first step is how writing has drastically changed in television series, especially dramas. Almost every drama on television uses killing off main characters, or at least threatening to, as a major plot twist. The are trying to hook viewers into watching next weeks episode by promising things like "you;ll never guess who will die." Why is it necessary to kill off main characters to make a show interesting, can we not think of anything else to write about. Here are a few examples.

In the first season of Lost they killed off one main character (Boone), and he was a secondary character. I liked Boone and thought he played a strong character, but was basically a younger version of Jack, the real main character. I know many people who watched the show felt nothing for him and didn't care when he died. So it wasn't that dramatic. So Lost had its best season and one an Emmy for best drama, all while only killing of one secondary character. In the next season plus 8 episodes they have killed off two really main characters (Anna Lucia and Eko) three secondary characters (Shannon, Libby, Michael, who wasnt killed off but was written off) and two third tier characters (Colleen and Picket) and have "promised" to kill of one more main character this year. Why is it necessary. Lost producers themselves have said that Lost is ultimately a show about the characters. They want viewers to learn about these characters; their faults and triumphs and root for them. The show really isnt about being stranded on a mysterious island and trying to figure out all the mysteries there. The producers are really contradicting themselves by saying that it is a show about the characters and then killing them all off, by the end we will have no one to root for. Lost fans know that before the show started their plan was to kill off Jack, the main character, in episode three to prove that this was a show that would do anything. The ran this past test markets and everyone agreed that the would not watch the show again after that and said they would "not be able to trust the writers of a show that wouldd do that." Now two plus years later they have forgotten that and are killing off characters adn losuing the trust of the viewers.

The second show would be 24. I believe that this has been a great show since the first second of season 1, even though it first one an Emmy for season 5 (I think not their best season). Here is a death count of main characters season by season. Season 1 (one main character) Season 2 (one secondary, one third tier) Season 3 (one main, one secodnary) Season 4 (one secondary) Season 5 (three main, two secondary, one third tier). So they were awarded for killing off the most main characters proving that no one is safe,a nd thats what makes for good televison. THis is the opposite reason that Lost won. Now, the one problem I have this year, especially after killing off another main character and a secondary character,is that there really aren't any characters that you care if they die. Jack is the last character left that as a viewer you have any interest in. All the guys Jack works with out in the field are un-named henchmen and you don't really care what happens to them. I think they killed of too many characters last year and the beginning of this year, there isn't any one you care about. There was a guy in a Muslim concentration camp in the US after a terrorist attack. They made it look as if he were in danger and as a viewer you were supposed to care. But you knew nothing about him and had no history with him so I really didn't care what happened to him.

Last example: Look at the highest rated dramas on television now: CSI, CSI Miami, Grey's Anatomy, House, Without a Case, Lost, and Desperate Housewives. Except Lost the other shows don't have a need to kill of main characters. CSI has been on for 7 years and has not once killed off a main characters. A couple times they were in critical condition, but never died. In fact its lowest rated season was when for half the season they broke up the team and had them all working separate and not together. Viewers stopped watching because the characters they love were no longer together. None of those others show either have a desire to kill of characters to keep viewers, they realize viewers are watching because of the characters. I will have a future blog looking at the fact that shows like CSI, ER, Grey's Anatomy, House, and Law & Order do so well for so long because everything gets solved in an hour and there is no long story line that gets people frustrated for answers.