He's "that guy," and proud of it

I know I don't blog about the Olympics because I choose to ignore them completely. However, today after my first day back at work in 3 months, I just needed to do some good old-fashioned Internet time (ie PORN). I ran across this hilarious article proving that Michael Phelps is a douche bag. To the few people lucky enough to hear me speak on this subject, I have been arguing for months that I guarantee you Michael Phelps is a douche bag, and this proves it. As a side note, I bet every Olympic athlete is a douche bag, I mean why not be one?

It's over.....

It's seems like just yesterday that I was blogging about being on 3 month summer vacation. But unfortunately starting tomorrow at 8:35 am I am once again a full-time employee and a "productive" member of society. The Dream is gone.

Dirty Jobs

It looks like we have another problem with local teamsters not wanting to work. This time it is employees of waste management who are on strike. I sure hope my large, large amount of waste still get collected, otherwise the sexiest city may soon look like this. Luckily the article says that "Waste Management had mobilized management and other personnel to

handle trash collection from both residential and commercial accounts."

Does this mean that office types that work at Waste Management will be out on the streets collecting garbage? That would be awesome. One of our avid readers works for Waste Management. I know he does not work in this department, but it would be a proud day for the Chopper family if I woke up one day and he was there collecting my garbage.

I quit!

A few of you who are lucky enough to hang out with the Blog-father in person were privileged to a sneak peak of this story over the weekend.

A kid in North Carolina has decided to drop out of high school to pursue a future in Guitar Hero for a living. The saddest part of this is that his parents are allowing him to do this. The article says that he wasn't that good in school anyways, and didn't get along with many students. Maybe because his parents allowed him to play so much Guitar Hero instead of going out and getting chicks pregnant. Also sad is that the article says someone good might make $25,000 on average as a professional video gamer. $25,000? You can make that flipping burgers at McDonald's, nowadays with the economy, that ain't s**t. How in god's name are his parents okay with this? Also what happens in three years when no one is playing Guitar Hero anymore, and this kid (then an adult) has no high school diploma and no video game tournaments to go out and win? Uh-oh.

I remember in college (one of the few things I do remember) there were 3 of us who could literally beat anyone in Goldeneye. No matter how good some people said they were, any three of us or any combination of two on a team would wipe the floor with that person, no matter the options or handicap we gave them. Maybe I missed the train and should have dropped out of college and pursued Goldeneye professionally. Imagine where I would be today?

Maybe I should quit my day job (whatever that is) and blog professionally for a living?

Who???

Breaking news, this just in. Don't go see Trp[ic Thunder. Besides actually being hilarious and entertaining (even with a dead hooker joke), Maureen McCormick does not want you to go see it.

That's right Maureen McCormick has come out and said that she will not see Tropic Thunder, and neither should you.

Excuse me, Maureen McCormick? Who? A quick Internets search tells me she was on Brady Bunch, 30 years ago. Who cares. Shut your mouth, and go back to being on whatever washed up celebrity reality show you are going to be on next.

Look ma, I'm a reporter

I've always said that the Journal Sentinel is a s**tty newspaper, that is very one-sided and dumbed down. Here is further evidence:

You may have seen trailers for that movie "Death Race." It looks god-awful, it's basically about a jail who is trying to raise money so they set up death races with the convicts by putting them in cars with machine guns and rockets and they fight to the death. Seems plausible, right?? Then our lovely newspaper went and gave it 3 stars (thats the second highest rating for a movie this summer, only under Dark Knight and tied with Iron Man). What? I went online and every other "respected" publication said it was awful and gave it 1 star (or less).

I know it's only the entertainment section of the paper, but it is just further evidence to show you that they have monkeys on keyboards down at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

Priorities

I love reading police reports from small towns and suburbs to see what kinds of "problems" the police have to deal with and then compare it to what real police in the city have to deal with.

Last night on the local news there was this story about a young lady in Grafton (outside Milwaukee) who was arrested by police for overdue library fines. (Look at her smile in that mug shot) It is sad when the police have nothing better to do than this. How about you save tax payer money and have less police on duty in these hick-a** towns. Or how about you come down into the city and fight real crime.

About a year ago I was at my local tavern and a car was broken into. We saw it happen and chased the kids down the alley. We then called the police to file a report and get a squad out there. We did not call 911, just the non-emergency police number. The dispatcher said it would be 3-4 hours until someone came out. We then asked to talk to their supervisor because that was absurd. The supervisor was very nice and informed us that there were 45 calls with higher priority, 30 of which involved individuals where safety was at risk. This was in one police district in the city, and on a Thursday night. The police ended up coming the next afternoon (about 15 hour later) and said they would keep their eyes out for 3 kids wearing white shirts. (I think the case is still open.)

Wake me when it's here...

In four weeks the funniest show on television returns. (A close second for 2nd funniest show here.) For those of you who can't wait here is a little video to help hold you over.



Also if anyone buys me a greenman suit I will be the Greenman for Halloween this year.

Scared straight

So at this point I believe that our beloved manager Ned Yost is just afraid to even approach CC Sabathia on the mound when he is pitching. Otherwise there is no reason to leave him in the game last night with the score 9-2 and CC well over 100 pitches (unless you subscribe to the idea that Ned Yost has no idea what he is doing).

There was literally no reason to leave him in the game last night. We were up 9-2, CC had over 100 pitches, the bullpen was rested, and Sheets pitches tonight. This is the second game in a row that CC pitched a complete game and the Brewers had a 5 or more run lead. There is no reason for this. I know we have no chance of keeping CC next year so we don't have to worry about long-term fatigue, but we may need him to pitch extra at the end of the year or in the playoffs.

Yost has said that he is not going to a four man rotation this year, even in a tight playoff run (and with Suppan sucking a**) . How about pitch CC and Sheets fewer pitches in a game so therefore you can pitch them more often and switch to a 4-man rotation and ditch Suppan? That might make too much sense.

As a text message I received after last night's game: "Ned Yost is the white Dusty Baker."

Fire my agent

For those of you who watch CSI, there is going to be a major change this year, William Peterson (Gil Grissom) is going to be leaving the show. This is an ensemble cast and is a story driven show, not a character driven show, but this will surely affect the show. It has been on for 8 years now and has lost a little of its punch, but still is entertaining. I enjoy watching it because it is simple enough, everything is contained within the 60 minute show. There are no over-arching story lines about who is sleeping with who and what not that slow down so many other dramas. It's straight forward; here's the crime, here's how they solved it.

Well now they announced who will replace William Peterson on the show. Drum roll:


That's right Laurence Fishburne is joining the cast. However, I do hope he plays the role a little more like this though:


I actually watched the Matrix I and 2 this Saturday when I was hiding from the world, and thought Laurence Fishburne just comes off cool on screen, and he should do more things. I think he might be kind of cool in this show and I read he is playing a darker character with a mysterious past. I actually think this might work.

Start to get worried

I have already gone on record as saying that last year was a fluke for the Packers, and I predicted they will probably be something like 10-6 this year. However, after watching the preseason game last night (at least the first 45-60 mins of it) I wonder if they can even go 10-6 (despite being in the NFC North).

Rogers did not look comfortable at all out there. He was 9 of 16 (not horrible, not great) but he had only 58 yards, touchdowns, and 2 sacks. Yes Donald Lee dropped a 10 yard TD pas, but that wasn't the problem. The offense had way too many 3 and outs, their defense did not look sharp, and for the second pre-season game their 2 best offensive weapons (Grant and Jennings) did not play. The real season starts in like 3 weeks here, lets get it together. I think next week the number one offense (Grant and Jennings included) and defense need to play 3 quarters together. What is the point of this pre-season if they never play together. Changing QB is a major deal and it looks like most people on offense are not on the same page as Rogers. If things don't improve I predict they will finish 7-9 at best.

Also, when do you think the real Ted Thompson bashing will begin? Favre looked good for the Jets after 10 days with the team, and Rogers looked flat after 4 years with the team. Uh-oh.

Real Olympic Events

I don't blog about the Olympics because all in all I don't really care. I love freedom to much to even watch other countries try to compete against us in random sports. However online there are 2 clips from The Office that would make the Olympics more interesting.

Yet another award...

I have only been back living in Milwaukee for 5 years now, and the city has one 3 major awards. First we were the fattest city (thank my ex-wife), then we were the drunkest (thank Edgrimley and my ex), and now we are the sexiest city (thank me).

I actually find it hilarious to think that Milwaukee is the sexiest city. Me, sexiest man, sure, but Milwaukee, the sexiest city??? The article goes on to say that it was selected because there is so much to do in the city during the summer and people are so drunk they don't care about anything like inhibitions. The truth is that the weather is god-awful here 10 months a year, and so therefore everyone has to cram everything into 2 months, so it appears that there is a lot to do. If this article had been written in December, Milwaukee would not finish in the top 25, guarantee. But hey we'll take it.

I wonder what award Milwaukee will win next?

Where's the laughs?

To end the ages all debate: "What is funnier the Vietnam War or Stoners?" The winner is The Vietnam War.

I went on saw Pineapple Express last night, and I believe it was a huge letdown, especially after seeing Tropic Thunder (before it came out). Pineapple Express is only funnier for about 20 minutes, and it is only the scenes when the three guys (Seth Rogen, James Franco, and Danny McBride) are together. In between those scenes there are non-sense scenes trying to build some subplot in which there is a gang warfare over drug territory in the land and something about crooked cops. The movie even ends with a 15 minute fight sequence in which James Franco and Seth Rogen stop a huge drug cartel that has been running since WWI without any guns or anything.

I think there was potential with just the 3 guys running around making jokes about each other being gay and buying best friend necklaces, but then it slows down with weird plot twists. In the movie Seth Rogen's character has a girlfriend who is in high school (I can relate) which is funny when he visits her in school and sees all these jocks all over her, but then they never return to that at all.

Overall, save your money and go see Tropic Thunder twice.

You said what?

There has been a lot of uproar this week with the official premier of Tropic Thunder on Wednesday. As I poster earlier, I have seen it and it is hilarious. But now many groups representing disabled individuals and the Special Olympics are asking people to protest the movie because of its stereotypes towards groups they represent.

The movie is distributed by Dream Works and I think they are actually approaching this correctly. They met with these groups before the release and reiterated that this movie is a satire and in no way is supposed to be viewed as real-life or trying to send any message to the viewers. Can't anyone ever have any kind of sense of humor any more? This movie also makes fun of Australians, fat people, actors, African-Americans, Vietnam Vets, drug addicts, and gay people. Take it easy people.

The thing I don't get is why even get so upset over something like this. If something offends you, just don't go see it. As you all know icebergs offend me so I did not go see Titanic. I didn't protest and ask others to avoid the movie as well, I just avoided it myself and allowed others to see it themselves. Growing up all my friends were offended by 'Pin the Tail on the Donkey,' and that is why none of my friends ever came to any of my birthday parties growing up. I never held it against them, I just had my parties all by myself, no big deal.

New Job Career

Growing up whenever anyone asked what I wanted to be when I grew, like most kids I said fireman or astronaut, but now I may have a new answer. There is this story here of a man in Colorado who went into video stores saying he was a "Porn Inspector" and needed to confiscate all their porn and verify the ages of everyone in the film, as a branch of the "Age Verification Unit." I don't know what is sadder: the fact that this guy went through all the trouble of even making business cards, or the fact that he tried it three times (all unsuccessful) and only on the third time did someone actually call the police.

More evidence

If you ever needed more evidence that Ned Yost has no idea what he is doing, today's game showed us a few more reasons.

• Why does Weeks ever play, yesterday Durham had a home run and a double, today it's Weeks in there. Stupid.
• Why does Rivera never play. He got on base ever at bat until extra innings, and was the only reason the game made it into extras. I know Kendall is a gritty vet and calls a good game, but he can't hit fir s**t any more. Rivera should be in there at least once a week, if not more.
• I was shocked that Yost didn't try to have Parra pitch a complete game, I thought that was Yost's thing.
• Why is Gagne the first reliever in the game, him and Mota should be the last. Villeneuva is lights out, he should always be the first out of the pen.
• Also, why doesn't Kapler play more in replacement of Cameron?
• Also today in the paper they were talked Brewer's money that they will have to resign CC and Sheets (hint, hint they don't have enough money). However the paper said they will probably exercise Cameron's $10 million option because we have no other options, it also said the Brewer's SHOULD resign Counsell because he is so "useful." No other options beside Cameron, how about Gwynn or more Hart over to center. And Counsell as "useful" come on he is terrible. If they resign either of these players, I will personally punch Yost in the face.
  

Breaking Footage

I have been trying for years to make a case against rival blogger Edgrimly in court and now that l0ng-time reader Snow.Man has completed his law degree I am going to make a move. First piece of evidence is the tape I made of him organizing baby fights on his property.

See more Olivia Munn videos at Funny or Die

I now it is shocking footage to watch and is not for the faint of heart. He is a sick man. I just can't figure out why he doesn't tape knifes to the babies hands, it makes the fight a lot more interesting.

All right I'll go there

Since the Favre saga is over (for this year at least) I will have a blog entry about it.

First, I think the Packers come off as the bigger a**-holes in all this. As of three days ago Favre was willing to have a quarterback competition and was even okay to be released or traded anywhere. The Packers kept being wishy-washy about their commitment and eventually got there way. Here is probably the best article I have read about the whole situation after it is over.

That is ultimately the point in the whole thing, The Packers traded away their best QB. Period. Yes he is old and not the same he once was. But, Rogers sucks and can't even complete 40% of his passes in a pre-season scrimmage or in practice. I stick by what I said and that is that this had nothing to do with Aaron Rogers, it had everything with Ted Thompson being an a**-hole to proud to swallow his pride and say that Favre was the best QB on the team.

In football every year, every team has a chance to win it all. Therefore, each year you make decisions that make your team the best possible this year. You don't worry about upsetting Rogers, since Brohm is their QB of the future anyway. I don't expect Favre to have nearly as good of a year as he had last year, that was a fluke; however, the Packers would have been better with him in there. I predict 9-7, no wild card. Thompson fired in January, bagging groceries by March.

After it all Favre is still a gentleman. He has continually said all he wants to do is play, and his first choice is by far the Packers. Now after being traded to the Jets, at his press conference he said he is not a traitor and will always be a Packer. After he really retires he will forget he was ever a Jet and will be a part of the Packers franchise and history for the rest of his life. You would think a guy this committed to a franchise would have gotten a better deal from Ted Thompson, but then again Ted Thompson is the Ned Yost of Football managers.

Too bad the Jets suck, I mean look at this lineup. Yes outside of the Patriots, they are in the worst division and have an easy schedule when they play the NFC. However, they are still in the AFC where the Patriots, Colts, Jaguars, Steelers, Chargers make it every year. Leaving the Browns (who are good), the Bengals, Titans, Broncos, and Jets competing for 1 playoff spot. I predict 8-8, no playoffs, same drama next year.

Live Blog

I received some passes to a screening of the movie Tropic Thunder last night and was going to film it on my cell phone and live blog the movie, but unfortunetly they had actually security guards walking around. BEfore the movie started they came up and talked about the radio station that sponsored the evening then said that recording the movie is illegal, the polic will be called, jail time will be given, the whole nine, and then they said there was security their "with night vision."

The movie was actually quite funny. The movie started with fake trailers from all the actors previous work. For example Ben Stiller in Scorcher VI: "After saving the Earth from the end 5 times, does he have it in him to do it again?" Jack Black in The Farties: Fart 2; was basically Jack Black playing 6 roles (ala Eddie Murphy) and just sitting around the table farting for 30 seconds. Then Robert Downey Jr. (still white) as 6 time academy award winner and 3 time crying monkey award winner in a movie with "MTV Best Kiss Winner Tobey Maguire" about 2 Irish priests who must decide between true love and God's love."

Then it gets into the actual movie and the next 20 minutes are absolutely hilarious. It makes fun of all actors as being over the top and pretentious. Jack Blacks character is hooked on all kinds of drugs, Ben Stiller's character is a terrible actor who is spoiled by his agent and always gets his way, and Robert Downey Jr. is a character who never breaks character, and eventually is not even able to break character "until the DVD is out." There is even a surprise actor who is usually a duche bag who is a good portion of the movie (none of the trailers) and is hilarious.

Once the actors get dropped "in the shit" to make the movie, it takes a small step down, but is still absolutely hilarious. In this scene Robert Downer Jr. is talking to Ben Stiller about how to be a true character actor and why Ben Stiller did not win any awards for playing a retarded stable boy in Simple Jack:


There is even a dead hooker joked worked into the movie. Overall I suggest this movie to anyone who likes laughter. I can say with confidence that it is the funniest movie since lasts years Superbad and makes Step Brothers look like Bambi.

New family members

Today we welcome in two new links to the links page here at Anger-Ranting:

First is a Milwaukee Blog by radio host James Harris. His AM radio show speaks on a wide variety fo topics ranign from sports, to politics, to entertainment. He has many good ideas and opinions and he is a regular at my local tavern.

The second is a hilarious site call "List of Stuff White People Like." It is funny.

Our fearless leader

By now you have all seen and read about the Brewers fight when Fielder snapped and pushed Parra. This is not a post about that. (No matter how you look at it it is stupid. You should never shove your #3 pitcher and probably your #1 next year. Yet at the same time who has never punched a coworker before?)

This is about our idiotic leader Ned Yost and his comments after the fight. Here are some of the gems.

“It’s a little bit rude when your neighbors are fighting next door for
you to go knock on the door and ask what happened.

Maybe Yost doesn't go investigate when he hears his neighbor yelling "Help, help, call the police." But any normal concerned neighbor would. Plus this was on national television and I buy Brewer tickets and pay their salaries, so it is my business.

It’s between us and it’s not a big deal. It’s not the first time it happened and it won’t be the last.

Sweat, Yost is admitting that he has no control and it is going to happen again. Awesome.

How about we have a leader who thinks before he speaks and has analogies that make sense.

Then on Sports Center John Kruk said it might be a good thing and might inspire the team. I doubt it. This same thing happened last year when Pudge Estrada ran at and yelled at Yost and after that all these analysts said it might inspire the team but the Brewers actually went into their worst slump of the year after that.

This is not good.

Proof is in the pudding

Finally someone else of a respectable status agrees with me and is angry as me about those stupid Croc Shoes. Croc Shoes have been on my dead to me for a while now, and I kind of forgot about my anger over them, but now that summer is here and more and more people are wearing them, my anger had been rising. Now Newsweek (a nationally respected magazine) wrote an article about how stupid the are. That article also reverences this article warning women to never wear them. Both these articles do a great job of summarizing my anger over these stupid shoes into words.

Bears!

I'm not sure if this sign is real but if it is at least we have been warned.


(Hopefully you got the joke at the end)

Pitiful

The Brewers' offense is absolutely pitiful these past few games, and will need to be corrected ASAP if they want to stay in the hunt much longer. We all know how awful they looked against the Cubs, but the offensive struggles continued recently against the lowly Braves. In game one they were able to score some runs and looked okay offensively again for the first time in 5 games, but after that the bottom fell off. In game two the Braves' pitcher had an ERA over 7, yet the the Brewers had 1 hit going into the 7th until Fielder had 2 home runs. That and a Corey Hart bunt single were the only offense. Then today against another normal pitcher the Brewers ended up with 0 runs. Sad. Everyone is struggling offensively. Fielder has hit 5 home runs in 4 games, but he has only 1 hit outside that. HArdy is like 0 for 20 and Braun and Hart have about 5 hits in the last 7 games. Something needs to give otherwise trading for CC was a waste.

Also why is Durham not in every game? He has gotten at least one hit in every game, whereas Weeks still sucks and is back to making critical errors in the field.