R.I.P. you P.O.S.

I think my I-pod just died, piece of s**t. Actually it lasted for 2 years, 9 months (longer than my first marriage).

I went to turn it on this morning to listen to some tunes and there was nothing on it. It turned on, but when I went to track lists they were all blank. Then today after work I went home and was going to plug it into my computer and just put new songs on it, no worries. I plugged it in and I-tunes couldn't recognize it, and said there was an error. It told my I needed to reset the factory settings with the CD. Again, no worries, it was already blank. I went through all the steps and clicked on initialize reset. It sat there for about 5 minutes, began making sounds and said "can't mount the I-pod" Hey buddy, sounds like a personal problem.

I tried it again on a different computer, same thing. Last thing I am going to do is try a new I-pod connection cord. If that doesn't work, it is dead.

For those of you who are interested services will be Saturday night at a local tavern to be determined. Then I will bury it at sea as indicated in its will.

I was planning on getting a new one this summer that could all kinds of new things. I guess I;ll just move up that date to this Sunday. Good thing I robber that bank last weekend. Woops, probably shouldn't have said that. I was even thinking about getting the I-knife. It's cool and handy.

This explains it

Many of you may claim that my ex-wife left me because it was a sham of a marriage and love is not real. I will always stand by my belief that it was because of the one night she chased me around the house with an axe for 5 1/2 hours. This may explain why she did that.

Pre Game Analysis

I figured I'd take a step back from all my anger for a moment and reflect on the Oscar's that are on tonight before they pick the winners, and I am sure I will get angry again.

Picture of the Year:
Should win: No Country for Old Men
Will Win: There Will Be Blood
I thought two movies were snubbed and should have been nominated before Michael Clayton, which wasn't that great. I though Gone Baby Gone was much better and even Lars and the Real Girl should have gotten consideration.

Male Lead:
Should Win: Daniel Day Lewis
Will Win: Johnny Depp
Oh god, Johnny Depp sings for a whole movie, give him the award. He is a good actor, but this is not his best performance, and he is young. Daniel Day Lewis is chilling in There Will Be Blood.

Female Lead:
Don't care

Best Supporting Actor:
Should Win: Javier Barden
Will Win: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Actually, all these nominees are outstanding their roles, and steal their respective movies.

Best Supporting Actress
Should Win: Amy Ryan
Will Win: Cate Blanchett
Cate Blanchett plays a dude, Bob Dylan, anytime a female plays a male they win, see Hilary Swank.

Best Directing
Should Win Coen Brothers for No Country for Old Men
Will Win: Paul Thomas Anderson for There Will Be Blood
Everyone is going crazy because Anderson worked on his movie for like 3 years, and it is well done, but Coen brothers have made a dozen movies that they should have won for but never have. That is a crime. The guy who did Juno is the son of the guy who did Ghostbusters, so maybe he should win.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Should and Will: No Country for Old Men. I have heard it is exactly word for word from the book, but since I can not read I will never know.

Best Original Screenplay:
Should and Will: Juno. There has never been a movie written about something like this. Making teenage pregnancy hilarious and cool, brilliant. It is actually very well written. Funny when it needs to be and serious when it needs to be.

The perfect candidate?

I finally have a candidate I can back in this election and fell confident in voting for. Ralph Nader has entered the race once again. Nothing like a whack-job wasting his time and money and the American public's time and money to try to prove a point that no one will notice. I understand what point he is trying to make, but lets be honest, no one will notice or care. Stay at home Mr. Nader and just keep writing your anti-establishment letters, articles, and blogs. Leave the running of this country to the adults.

Let's just hope this pot-smoking, idiot, hippy doesn't screw up the whole election like he did 8 years ago. And guess what, I guarantee he does.

I should have gone to Target

I have ranted in the past about some of my experiences at large "super stores" like Target and Wal*Mart. In one particular visit to Target I said how much better Wal*Mart is than my visit to Target. That was an exaggeration. Wal*Mart may be the single worst business in the world to go to, it is a terrible experience. That is what I though until today......

I went to Sam's Club to get some supplies (rope, shovels, duct tape). I needed certain things in large quantity and wanted to use my tax exempt card. Sam's Club is very similar to what I think Hell will be like. There are people of all walks of life there. I even saw a family of four all there in shorts and wearing cowboy hats, its 27 degree outside. People buying enough canned goods to live through 4 nuclear attacks. Everything in the place is just chaotic, stuff on the floor, no order, and a small army of employess constantly saying, "Hi, can I help you?" "Yes, could these knives cut through bone?"

I get what I needed and go to check out and am standing in line and have 2 people in front of me. Then this old lady comes up and go right to the check out line and just checks out and doesn't wait in the line. The guy in the front of the line says something. Her response was "Oh, sorry, well I'm here now." Then she stays and checks out. WTF? If I were the cashier I would have said something, then again I love cursing out old ladies.

Never again Sam's Club.

No beer, no TV, make Homer something, something...

I got call from the parents on Thursdya night saying their DirectTV isn't working and if I had a chance could I come out and apply some of my "expertise" and look at it. I had some "business" to attend to out there anyways, so I swang through. The screen was saying it was not receiving a signal. I went outside and on the roof and looked at the satellite dish. All the wires (2 of them) were connected to the dish and were going down and into the house, so it appeared as if everything was connected. If my sciences classes were correct about how satellite dishes work; its all bout refracting a signal into a concave (or convex, I forget) dish. So my theory is all the snow and freezing we have gotten lately altered the dish or the receiving signal and it is no longer working.

Papa Chopper got on the phone with them and described what had happened, what the screen said, and what we saw with the dish. They proceeded to tell them they would have someone come out on Tuesday (5 days later) sometime between 1-7, and it would cost $75. WTF? Since I got my share of anger ranting from the pops, he used a bit of his own anger ranting on the phone. He told them that was ridiculous, and it that were the case they should bring their crew and take their equipment back because he was going to cancel. They then talked him into accepting them coming on Tuesday AT 5, no charge, and February free. He accepted.

I still can't believe that they can't have anyone out before Tuesday. Maybe they having a crazy amount of problems with all the weather happening. I doubt they are having that many new subscribers in the dead of winter. Or they only have one crew for the entire state. All they are going to have to do is go up there and put on a new dish, my bet is it take s 20 minutes.

Ridiculous.

Straw Grasping....

Our good friend and childhood hero, Barry Bonds seems to be grasping at straws nowadays to downplay his role in all this steroid junk that is circulating around. He is now claiming that there are two typos in the prosecutors court report of events. Twice in the report they siad Bovemebr of 2001, instead of 200. This is why I hate lawyers. Someone is going to get off because of a technicality, something that didn't even affect anything. He still use the juice, doesn't matter if it was in 2001 or 2001. It wouldn't matter if it was in 1850, he still used the juice. He is still a complete a#*-hole and gives all other sports stars a bad name.

Those loyal readers of my blog, all 200+ of you, all know that I regularly use typos in my blogs. I do this for two reasons: sometimes the anger gets the best of me and I black out while blogging and come to 3 hours later lying in a ditch and the blog is already posted. I also have typos that way some day in the future some otherwise un-employable lawyer can waste his time critiquing my blog and find loopholes and typos in it.

I also added typos to my On Notice list and removed CBS. It's your lucky day CBS, I am not sure why I have taken you off notice, but be careful or you will be back.

Up in the Sky:

What am I going to do? I was going to send out an e-mail tonight to all my astronomynerd-friends about yesterday's lunar eclipse, but now I fear the e-mail will be blocked and not read.

I guess there is this new virus out there today that is being sent by e-mail. The e-mail is guised under the title of "Lunar Eclipse." Word got out about this e-mail before it really hit, so most e-mail profiders are automatically blocking all e-mails with the worlds lunar or eclipse in them.

What am I going to do? How am I going to e-mail all my astronomy buddies or reunite my high school band "Jorge and the Eclipses'?

Darn you e-mail viruses!!!

Further proof:

If anyone needed further proof towards why the NBA is dead to me here is an article about the Kidd to Dallas trade. Originally Dallas was going to send Jerry Stackhouse to Nets just to equalize the money of Kidd, and the New Jersey would cut Stackhouse and Dallas would resign him. New Jersey did not want the money or the player, and Dallas wants Stackhouse and will pay the money. The league put the kibosh on that and said Stackhouse couldn't be included if he were cut. Now Dallas put Keith Van Horn in the trade and it was approved. The trick is that Van Horn is retired, and will stay retired (retired because he sucks not because he is old). New Jersey will accept him as a trade and will pay him $4 million but will not give him a roster spot. Much like a teacher on a snow day, he will be paid to sit at home.

DEAD TO ME

Terrible Television

I just got home and turned on the idiot box, aka the TV, and noticed a program NBC has on called "My Dad is better than your Dad." Basically its a show where dad and their respective 6 year old sons and daughters compete in various events, some based on smarts and some based on physical prow is. PS it is terrible. Some jackass that used to be a VJ on MTV is the host and they seem to be changing the rules as they go through the show. One team had their dart fall of the board and they lost the points for it and then the next team didn't because "it was up long enough." This is honestly television game show hosts to the worse degree. I thought, and still think, that all these prime time game shows like Deal or No Deal, 1 vs 100, and Power of Ten, are all awful, awful and just a way for networks to make even more money because they are so much cheaper than creating a quality sitcom or drama.

Secondly, I want everyone to know that since I was created from the a mixture of the Force and elements of unbridled universal anger, I have no father, so therefore I could not compete.

I would also like to see a celebrity version of the show. Travis Henry could be the father of all nine of his illegitimate children and compete against himself.

President's Day

Totally is Presidents for all you people out there who are destroying America and were unaware of today. It is a federal holiday, so some of us do not have to work today because of the things some of the great men of history such as George Washington, Lincoln, FDR, and Clinton have done for this great country.

For the rest of you who are working for terrorist-fueled companies that make you work today, I feel bad for you, I really do.

Random Rantings

It's been a few days since I ranted and the anger is building inside me, so here are a few ramblings:

• These Spears family stories are getting more bizarre by the minute. Now there is this story about Jamie Lynn Spears that she used to party hard core and have sex with any guy (remember she was 15-16 years old). Here's the money quote, Just days before announcing her pregnancy in December, Jamie Lynn shocked a boy at a party by asking him for sex. "It's cool, I'm pregnant," she said. "I can't get pregnant again!" Good stuff.
• I was watching the news Friday morning before worka nd there was a story about all the complaints these online e-card sites were getting. People weren't able to send their Valentine e-cards because of the large amount of on-line traffic. SOme people complained that they had to wait as long as 12 seconds for a page that should take 3 seconds. First off, don't they know that love isn't real so they are wasting their time. Secondly, its just an e-card; I could see being angry that it took 12 seconds for you porn site to load, but an e-card site, just wait. Third, remember 4 years ago when everyone accessed the Internet by dial up and the simplest of web pages took 30 seconds to load, we forget so quickly.
• I thought it was "bros before roids." I am having a hard time believing how quickly Petite has turned on his wife Clemens over this Steroids issue. The first chance he had he turned in Clemens saying he knows and saw Clemens using performance enhancing drugs. Come on, where's your loyalty? That's almost quicker than how fast my wife turned on me at my manslaughter trial (I was found not guilty without her help). Update: I guess Petite and Clemens weren't married, I figured they were because they followed each other to every team they have played for the past 8 years.
• It's the NBA All*Star Weekend. I turned my TV to see part of it but my screen was blank, oh yeah the NBA is dead to me.
• CNN has this article on whether sexism or racism is less offensive in politics. Which is a more humane way to kill someone drowning or electrocution? These are basically the same type of question. Why are either of these even an issue nowadays? Who cares? I would vote for a purple bisexual at this point if they were the best candidate, and it wouldn't take much to be the best candidate. Also, I believe racism has been much worse in this country. Many have died over it, and many still suffer beatings and torture from it. Yes, woman are still often viewed down upon, but not to that degree.
• We are supposed to get another 8-12 inches of snow tomorrow. There is literally no place to put it. There are 10 foot high piles of it on the street, there is no where to park, most roads are on lane, and we are already 30 inches above the average.

Here are two baseball stories to brighten your day. NBC has picked The Brewers to dominate the league and here are 9 reasons to look forward to Baseball season, unfortunately one of them they picked was the Cubs.

Political Ramblings...

I was just doing some Interneting this evening and reading up on election type coverage. Obama and McCain are the big "winners." I don't really care about that. What was really intersting was what happened in Maryland. On the Republican side Mitt Romney got 7% of the vote even though he stepped down from running. Why throw your vote away, its almost as bad as voting for Ralph Nader. Then on the Democratic side Uncommitted got 4%. Uncommitted? That sounds like a one word summary of my first marriage. Why go all the way to the election post, wait in line, and then vote for uncommitted? Pick a side: the black guy or the woman, not hard.

Clever a*@-hole.....

SO today I drove past a church (that counts for actually going in and attending Mass, right?) and it has one of those electronic signs out front. I have blogged in the past about what these have said before, but it usually says either mass times, or some witty banter supposed to put a smile on your face and "believe in the power of God." Well today it said "God loves us snow much." WTF? Oh, I get it, it said snow instead of so. Hilarious? How's that working out for you? "Oh, you mean being clever?" No, I mean being an a*@-hole.

I hope God isn't sitting around thinking how he/she can show the people of Milwaukee how much he/she loves us, and thought about giving us this winter. We have had 10 days with the high below zero, we have had 58 inches of snow, 26 above our average.

That's almost as bad as how my wife showed me how much she loved me by sleeping with the mailman and leaving me with 2 kids and a mortgage in the middle of the night with no note. She loves me snow much.

Insomniac TV

There is very little reason to turn your TV on late at night, but there are still 3 reasons: Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Conan O'Brien. These three are funny on a day to day basis. (I am not sure if Conan is the best replacement for Leno, Stewart might even make a better choice, but who could replace him on The Daily Show.) Over the last month or so due to the writer's strike they have been feeding off each other for comedy material.

Here's a quick summary: Before the strike Mike Huckabee was on the Colbert Report and then next week his numbers in the polls got a huge bump. Colbert attributed it to the "Colbert Bump." Huckabee even said he would give his Vice President ticket to Colbert. Then in January Huckabee was on Conan and after that Conan has taken all the credit for Huckabee's success. Colbert took offense to this and has since started attacking Conan and taking credit for Huckabee.

Here is a video summary:



Then on last Thursday all 3 of them appeared on each other's show to settle this all once and for all, and what ensued was one of the funnier things I have seen on late night TV in a long while.

First on the Daily Show:





Then on Conan:



Nobody puts baby in a corner unless you have taped knifes in their hands. Holy cow is Jon Stewart short next to Conan, he looks like a kid.

Remember the 80s

We all remember that great 80s show Knight Rider? (There's actually a crazy back story that was told in the pilot episode) So NBC has made a made for TV movie of Knight Rider. It is going to feature the car KITT and Michael Knight's estranged son. (I wish my estranged dad had a cool talking car) This is to air February 17, and possibly be spun into a new series for the 2008 television season. (Why not, have you seen some of the other crap NBC puts on air?)

This is where things get odd. NBC had used Will Arnet, uncle GOB on Arrested Development, to voice Kitt. All was well, I heard hid did a great job and added his own little flavor too it. However General Motors put the kibosh on that. I guess Will Arnett has done the voice over for GMC Truck commercials for 10 years (I think most people never realized this) and the car in Knight Rider is a Ford. Apparently GM has a clause in their contract that you can only voice one brand of car. I would think Will Arnett would tell GM to eat it and go to the Knight Rider gig. I am sure it pays more, and is a lot cooler, seeing that no one even knows he does those GM commercials. Now NBC has hired Val Kilmer to do the voice of Kitt. Terrible, this is the same Val Kilmer that ruined the original Batman movies, and hasn't been in anything decent since Tombstone. I also read he has been depressed and put on like 60 pounds.

They should stick with Arnett, he does have a cool voice, and is quite funny. I'm still going to watch this because Knight Rider is awesome, and there is a cameo from Hasselhoff in it.

Get to work people!

Well, reports are coming out of Hollywood that the Writer's Strike is going to be over in the next 24 hours. Thank god, now I can once again become the average American and watch 19 hours of TV a week. I had started to learn how to read, and was working on my manifesto. Now I can put those things aside and go back to mindless television viewing to escape all my problems, and I have many problems.

Sidenote: I found 19 hours on average not to be as high as expected, seeing that people in Thailand watch 22.4 hours a week. But I guess people in America are too busy blogging, or shoveling 12 inches of snow.


The Writer's Strike has now been moved from Dead to Me to On Notice. It still took 3 months of TV away and canceled this season of 24.

Same my name!

I was watching the Colbert report last night and they had Bob Dole on talking about this that and whatever. Colbert kept referring to him as Senator Dole, even though it has been 8 years since he was a senator. Then I was thinking all former politicians still go my Mayor, Governor, Senator, etc. Also, whenever I watched football coverage this season Bill Cowher and Jimmy Johnson were always referred to as "Coach Cowher" or "Coach Johnson." I think it is odd, and maybe pathetic to make people still call you by a title you no longer have. Talk about holding on to past glories. When my wife left me she didn't keep using my last name, in fact she even denies ever knowing me. I think once you move on from a position, you lose the title you gained. Does a doctor or lawyer who gets disbarred keep their title? Sad.



I always said that if Bob Dole had gotten up from that and said "live from New York, it's Saturday Night." I would have voted for him on principle.

Me Coach Again Sometime

SInce I am considered a "non-essential" employee and do not have to go into work because of the weather, I figured I'd get some blogging done. I just read that Jim Mora is set to replace Holmgren in Seattle.



Oh, its Jim Mora JR? Well he just plain sucks. The Falcons under-achieved every year he was there. In December 2006 he famously said on a Seattle sports radio station that if he were offered the University of Washington job, he would take it. However, the job was not open, he was still the Falcons coach, and the job was never offered him. He was fired 4 weeks later.

PS: Mother Nature still is, always will be, Dead to Me, even though she got me a day off work.

On Notice....

So this morning I woke up (I know a lot of you are already disappointed) and turned on the local news while I had my orange juice. The local news did this story on the growing problem of potholes. Then there was this story a week ago. We all complain about pot holes but it seems that here in Milwaukee most of these new ones are not because of old and decrepit streets, it has everything to do with the weather. We have had consecutive days of of warm and cold back to back. The water has been getting into the pavement on warm days and then on the next cold day it is turning into ice and tearing the street apart and creating pot holes. I am putting these weather potholes On Notice. I swear if I hit one of these (and I have seen them) and it does anything to my car, even if it makes my Ashley Simpson CD skip, I will put them on the Dead to Me list.

Super Bowl Commercials

While watching the Super Bowl last night I was thinking about having a posting about the commercials. I could have ranted all night how big of a waste of money they are. No evidence has ever been shown that paying so much more for a Super Bowl add over a regular commercial, actually increases sales any more. I could have posted my favorites, like every other blog out there is doing. Then in the 3rd quarter I saw an add for Salesgenie.com. First off I have never heard of SalesGenie, I have no idea what they do, nor do I care. Then they had this commercial that wasn't just midly racist like most commercials, it was just blatantly racist. I have no idea how they got away with this one.

And the winner is....

In the epic battle of the New York Whiners vs The New England Cheaters, the Whiners have some how pulled out the victory. Yet somehow I couldn't care less. I have no idea how Eli Manning, the quarterback with the personality of an inanimate carbon rod, ran an offense that beat The Cowboys, The Packers, and The Patriots. Eli Manning is terrible. Now we can look forward to Eli struggling his way through more and more commercials in an attempt to be more like his brother, who is tolerable in those many commercials he is in.

At least baseball season is right around the corner, we can only hope that New York and Boston teams buy their way to the championship again, oh wait they already have started.

What time is it?

I decided to go to the cinema complex today and see There Will Be Blood. (Good, not great. Shouldn't win best picture, but probably will.) I looked up what time the movie started, and it started at 2:40. So I head to the theater and had planned to be there at 2:30 at the latest. I got there at 2:20. Gives me time to you the necessary room, but a soda, and get a seat in the theater. The previews and commercials start at exactly 2:40. There are 2 people in the theater besides me at this point, 2:40. Within the next 15 minutes 32 people come into the theater. Why are we all coming into the movie so late. There are many ways to look up the times that a movie starts, use the newspaper, the Internet, call the theater, they even have mobile alert text messages nowadays. I had to get up 4 times to let these late comers into their seats, plus all the people who sat down in front of me that blocked the screen. I believe that movie theaters shouldn't allow people into the theater after it starts, its not that difficult to get there on time. There was even a group of 4 people who came into the theater first at 3:10, 30 minutes after the movie started.

Give them the Award

Despite my last blog saying that all the terrible movies come out this time of the year, Lions Gate has decided to put out one of their Academy Award hopefuls for next year. Take a peek here:




Who in their right mind authorized this movie and put money into it? Why hasn't someone shot Larry the Cable Guy yet? Who is going to go see this? Why would you call yourself Larry the Cable Guy? These are just some of the many questions that come to mind when I first saw this trailer for Witless Protection on TV today. This might be the worst pile of crap ever made into a movie, and that is including Waterworld, The Postman, and every movie Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have been in. The sad thing is there are a lot of people who thought Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector was hilarious. There are some people who got that movie for a wedding gift. The dumbing of America is complete.

MILF

This is the time of the year when the studios pump out all their terrible movies, and yet for some reason people still go to see them. (How did Remember the Spartans finish #1 last week?) Yesterday the movie They Eye came out. I am sure it is terrible. It is about a woman who is blind and then has surgery so she can see, after the surgery she can see, but now she can also see people dying or something like that. The only reason I mention this is because it stars Jessica Alba in probably the last movie that she will appear hot in since she is now preg-o. I take most of the blame for that seeing that I impregnated her. She will now start gaining weight (one of the many negative side effects of pregnancy) and I am betting that once she is a "mother" she will not appear half naked in movies jirrating her ass all over the screen. That's too bad because she is actually a terrible actress and the only reason she is in movies is because she is hot.

What are you going to do with all that junk inside your trunk?

You've been knocked the F@*k Out!

Mother Nature has officially Knocked us the F*#K out. We got another 4-6 inches last night and today. It took me twice as long to get to work yet again. This is ridiculous. Mother Nature is officially going to be a permanent member of my Dead List. Outside of Mother Nature somehow reuniting me with my ex-wife, it will always be Dead to Me and will never be removed from the list. Good Bye.

Where'd the time go??

"Four score and seven years ago our founding fathers....."
Today marks the 1 year anniversary for your Blogfather in the Blog-s-Sphere. I was going to rehash all the greatest moments, but they are all great. I found this song to be more fitting to the occassionn.