Watch These You Wh**e!

So its the end of the year and I'm not into all the self-reflecting bull-s**t stuff. I'm not into all those Top Ten lists, everyone's opinion is different, and most people's opinions are wrong anyway. I thought I would just take a moment and list the movies that were worth seeing this year, this isn't necessarily a top ten, since I didn't see a lot of those artsy-fartsy movies that everyone is always picking for their top ten.
In no particular order:

1) Hurt Locker- a great movie about the war, intense throughout, great acting by a bunch of nobodies and great cameo by Guy Pierce and Ralph Fiennes.

2) District 9- a really cool sci-fi movie with great action, a cool story, and also some social commentary about our current society.

3) The Road- exactly like the book, intense, interesting, with a lot to say about humanity. Great cameos by Robert Duvall, GUy Pierce, and Omar Little.

4) The Hangover- funniest movie in over a year. Period. Male nudity. Period.

5) Star Trek- a very well done remake. Has a lot of shout outs to the old movies, while still reinventing itself for a new generation. Interesting plot that wasn't dumbed down. The beginning of another great movie franchise.

6) Zombieland- a great escape movie about killing zombies, very humorous and entertaining. Classic.

7) The Cove- a great documentary about the slaughtering of dolphins of the coast of Japan for sport and food. Very difficult to watch but very interesting and very well done.

8) Precious- very powerful movie about the trials of a 16 year old mother from a broken home, a me vs the world type story. Powerful, not easy to watch at times.

Movies I haven't seen yet but heard are good: The Informant, The Talented Mr. Fox, 500 Days of Summer, and Inglorious Bastards.

Side note: I broke down and saw Up in the Air. I was under-whelmed with it. Clooney does a great job and the movie is entertaining for the first 90 minutes, but the last 20 minutes just derail. The ending is horrible. All the characters start to advance and change to be better people in the movie, then bam something happens and everyone ends up the same as in the beginning. The lesson the movie wants you to learn is that true love isn't real.

Videos B**ches!

Happy Festivus to all. In celebration here are some videos to peek your interests while the holiday season passes us by.


Watch CBS News Videos Online

I have always said that Alec Baldwin is a hero of mine, and to quote Derek Zoolander: "Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot."

Here are some more heroes of mine. I need to do this to someone sometime. It doesn't matter how long it takes or how much it costs, this is happening.

Hero Status

I thought today we would do a tribute to Jon Hamm and his Don Draper character on Mad Men, enjoy. To me I can't differentiate between Jon Hamm and Don Draper, they are both super cool, womanizers, who are actually hilarious if need be, basically my hero.

According to askmen.com Don Draper is the most influential man of 2009, ahead of 48 real people who aren't characters on TV, and ahead of Michael Jackson and Barack Obama.



Little known fact, but Jon Hamm is actually really funny and was nominated for an Emmy for his 3 episode guest on 30 Rock. He is also best friends with Zach Galifianakis. They would make a great comedy duo.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Sidenote: There are a wholoe series of those Between 2 Ferns, and they are all hilarious.

Bonus story: Cat in the wall, hey...............

Those crazy asians

By now we all know all about Tiger Woods, and his "incident" with his wife. (I'm still not sure why anyone would cheat on this). What you might not know about this story is that Japanese television did a news piece on it:



I can't understand a word they say, but the reenactment is awesome.

Bonus Video: If you didn't see the Colbert Report with Elvis Costello, check out the clip below. It's a regular interview, but cut to the 4:30, Stephen covers a Elvis Costello job and it is very well done. Great moment in television.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Elvis Costello
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

Another P.O.S.

I just saw this preview for a movie coming out next February:



A couple things come to mind:

• Why are they already advertising for a P.O.S. movie that comes out in February?
• Haven't they already made this same movie like 10 times with different actors?
• What ever happened to Matt Dillon? He had potential at one time didn't he?
• Doesn't Paul Walker get tired of making the same movie all the time?
• What ever happened to Hayden Christenson? He was Anakin Skywalker? He's dating this.
• Idris Elba was bad**s in The Wire, and funny in the Office. Why can't he get a real role in a movie?
• FInally, this movie "stars" Chris Brown and T.I.? Really? Who was the casting director in charge of this movie? I would make a joke about Chris Brown and T.I. being in a movie like this, but that's too easy.
  

Can I audit that course?

To keep up the string of posts about great television, today this post is about The Wire. Harvard is going to offer a course on The Wire for students. This seems awesome. You get to watch the Wire, discuss it intelligently with other smart people, and get college credit at Harvard. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. Sign me up. I can't believe they can get this class accredited, it seems a bit easy for Harvard. (Editor's note: I took a class on The Music of The Beatles for college credit at a top 15 university. Suck on that.)

I got a glimpse of the syllabus for The Wire course and found out what the first two unit are on.

Unit 1 is a discussion of the Top 100 lines on the show ever. Take a glimpe at the notes for the class:


Unit 2 is about Omar. Great bad-ass or greatest. Here is the evidence.

Watch this you idiot

On the oppposite note of something that is dead to me (The NBA), the Mad Men Season 3 finale was unbelievable.

The show is the best show on TV, bar none. Season 3 brought it to a new level. Instead of getting comfortable with the same plot and plot twists, they took many risks in season 3, culminating in a great season finale. I am going to go spoiler free in this post, but will say that in the second to last episode JFK was assassinated, yet the finale was even more emotional. (I know many of you will say you don't watch it, so you don't care about spoilers, but I will say I am not going to give you the satisfaction of spoilers, go out and watch the show.)

If you do watch the show here is an article interviewed by the creator and head writer. Here are 1 and 2 pictures of the Mad Men characters as X-Men.

Here are 1, 2, and 3 other reasons to watch.

Here are the main 1, 2, and 3 reasons to watch.

Asleep at the wheel

I have to be honest here, I had no idea that the NBA season actually started. I know that the NBA is dead to me (it really is) and I say that I don't even see it anyways. But I honestly had no idea it had started, and now its been going for 2-3 weeks. I overheard someone talking the other day about how good of a game Jennings had, and I knew he was the Bucks new rookie, but I thought it was pre-season.

Take your head out of your a** Chopper.

Hey douche bag? Me? No the other one.......

I have long said that people from New York and Philadelphia are a**-holes when it comes to sports, last night on the Daily Show they did a beautiful story on this.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Clash of the Cretins
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Super bonus video day here:

Charlie Shows His Dance Moves - watch more funny videos

Too Soon?

Micahel Jackson lived his last 10 years in relative obscurity. No one really talked about him outside of the annual child pornography accusation. No big deal. Then he goes and dies (pretty much tells his doctor to kill him) and now he is every where.

I guarantee you that his costume is going to be the number one Halloween costume for pieces of s**t this year. Anyone who can't think of anything original to be will just go out and be Michael Jackson. A quick Google search came up with many sites just dedicated to Michael Jackson costumes, here and here for example.

That's annoying but at least it will only last one day. Then there is that "movie," This is It that is in theaters now. I was trying to avoid it in hopes it would just disappear, but then I have been hearing multiple stories such as this one. An Oscar? Really? If that godbortion of a movie is even nominated for BEst Picture I will throw up right in my spot. The movie never would have come out if he didn't die. It's just 2 hours of footage preparing for his European Tour that never occurred. How is that even a movie, let alone in the conversation for best picture? God help us. You mean to tell me it is on par with movies like GOdfather, Shawshank Redemption, The Departed, Forrest Gump, Pulp Fiction, Casablance, Elephant Man, and other classics.

We are doomed.

How much is enough?

On Saturday I was driving around and decided to stop for a bite to eat. I decided to stop at Arbys to grab a bite (I don't care what you say, I like it). What I noticed that was interesting is that they have 25 combo meals. Yes 25! Is there that many different combinations of ways to eat roast beef? I order the roast beef patty melt, which was very good. It just struck me as odd that a place that makes roast beef sandwiches has 25 combo meals.

Hey I'm Important

So I was at a meeting today with a lot of "important" people from the district that I work in. I noticed something very interesting. People who think they are very important usually take their cell phone out and put it on the table. Apparently that is a sign to tell everyone else how important you are. "Hey, I might get a phone call at any second and I need to be able to get to it as fast as possible. I can't keep it in my pocket, in my briefcase, or even hooked on the belt clip. It needs to be on the table so all can see it."

One person even had 2 phones out and on the table.

I was thinking of a parody song for this. One could be a parody of "Dick in a box," but instead "Phone on the table." Or it could be a parody of "Put it in your mouth," but instead "Put it on the table." They are both dirty songs originally, and obviously would stay dirty.

Still Angry

I know I don't blog as much as before, but don't worry I'm just as angry. It's just that my computer is a piece of s**t, and I do most of my Internet activities on my phone. Here are a few things from the past few days:

• I got my hair did yesterday yesterday and the woman said "Your hair is interesting to cut with all the different colors in it." B**ch you saying I'm going gray?
• I heard about this weird phenomena that over 2,000 people have had a dream about the same man. If you really read into it, its not that weird. Only 2,000 people over the whole world in 3 years, not that many. It's a pretty generic looking man. One theory is it is what god looks like and people are dreaming of god. A bit out there.
• I am sure you have heard by Ned Yost has interviewed for the Houston Astros job. Sad. The article says he is the most experiences and qualified person they have interviewed. I thought they said he was interviewing for manager not toilet cleaner.
• If you haven't seen Kareem Abdul Jabbar's Epic Fail on Jeopardy, it is worth it.

No one is recession proof

It seems as if even avid reader Snow.man has been heavily effected by this bad economy. When will it end?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Slim Thug Feels the Recession
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

That's it ladies and gentlemen

So the Brewer's season is officially over.

First off, shame on all you who gave up towards the end and didn't watch and bad-mouthed the team the last month. Do we not remember the 25 years in which we were terrible? Last year was a gift that we will not receive again probably for another 25 years. Enjoy the game of baseball, and the team wasn't that bad.

There were a few things to salvage from this year:

• McGehee is a stud and needs to start next year
• Gamel needs to be on the team all and needs a new position
• Gallardo is a start
• Fielder and Braun have bright futures the next 8-10 years
• Fielder may be better than we thought he was
• Braun is Mr. Consistency
• We actually missed Weeks
• Escobar is a start and needs to be the everyday starter
• Dave Bush is still consistent and a nice 4-5 pitcher
• Hoffman is still a star closer even at his age and should be kept around
  

We also learned some lessons that we need to move on from here with:

• We need to buy out Suppan and pay him to retire
• Parra is not who we thought he was
• Hardy needs to be traded because teams will want a below average hitting, good defensive shortstop with various STDs
• Hart is not who we thought he was
• Kendal needs to retire and become a bullpen coach
• We have no bullpen
• Need 1, probably 2 starters to battle for the Wild Card next year
• We need to trade a "fan favorite" (Hart, Hardy, or Weeks)

The team is salvageable and later this week I will have my thoughts on what their starting lineup should look like next year.

DEAD

With only one remaining 3-games series with the NL's Best, St. Louis Cardinals to play, I thought it was time to make it official.

Record Setting Season

So yesterday marked the end of the tailgating season for your's truly. Despite the Brewers questionable season (recap to come), the tailgating season was record setting.

In one word: Bolos and Beer (I know that's two words, but in a perfect world it would be one word).

For those of you who don't know what the Game of Kings, Bolos, is; check out this video:




Imagine that plus beer. Goodnight.

Also since last night was Sunday and that means a new episode of Mad Men , here is a funny clip:

MA Men from Joey McIntyre

This clip is funny if you hate people from Boston (check)
It's funny if you watch Mad Men (check)
It is really funny if you hate people from Boston and watch Mad Men (check, check)

Shark Jumping

I've blogged in the past about the lazy writing on many tv shows; when they can't think of anything else to do they kill of a major character. Then I blogged how many shows have brought back characters they either wrote off the show (CSI) or killed off and were somehow alive (24). Now there is a new trend on television, shape shifters. A shape shifter is one character on the show who transforms into another character and pretends they are this new character and no one knows it. It basically is like "jumping the shark" times 10.

Beware spoilers for the following shows will follow: Fringe, Lost, Heroes, and Desperate Housewives.

Last season with about 4 episodes remaining in the season for Heroes they gave the main bad guy the ability to shape shift and turn into any character he touches. They then had the creative freedom to do anything on the show. You never knew what was occuring on the show because you never knew if it was the real character, or this main bad guy. They decided that this would get out of hand so in the last episode of the season they made another character get into his head and stop this transforming. It ended with the main bad guy killing one of the main good guys and then transforming into him, but now his brain and memories of that old good guy. Basically the main bad guy now looks and acts like the main good guy. This is the plot they are going to follow this season.

Then on Lost you found out in the season finale that one of the main characters died a while ago and who you were actually watching was this presence on the island that transformed themself into this main character. (WTF?) So here you didn't even have any real clues to it, they explained it many episodes later what happened awhile ago off camera.

Then in the season premiere of Fringe they had one of the main FBI characters killed by this alien type creature and the alien turned into him but no one knows. They think the FBI guy killed the alien type thing, when it was the other way around. When showing previews of the season, they showed that most of the plot this season is going to revovle around this fact.

I am guess that this season on Desperate Housewives will we will find out that one of the lonely housewives is actually the pool boy who shape shifted into a 40 year old soccer mom to get closer to the other women.

It's as if all these Hollywood writers went to the same seminar on how to write for television. This year's topic: "Shape shifters: how to use a simple plot twist to confuse the audience and be able to write whatever you want."

Why can't tv stick to basic writing and character development. On the other hand I watched the season premiere of House and it was outstanding. It didn't even take place in the hospital and House was the only main character in it. It was still outstanding. It had character development, comedy, suspense, drama, sex, and you actually became engaged in the plot and could understand what was going on.

What year is it?

I know it's been a week since I have blogged, but I will crank out two tonight, and they will both be about your best friend, the television.

Some of you may have watched the Emmy's on Sunday, or you are like most Americans and your read on the Internet who won and it only took 3 minutes to read everything that took 3.5 hours on television.

The thing that stuck out to me is that the Emmy voters are getting very easy. Going into the award ceremony, about 75% of the nominees were the same as last year. The really lazy part comes in with the number of winners that were exactly the same as last year.

• Mad Men won again for best drama (It is the best show on tv, so that makes sense I guess)
• 30 Rock won for best comedy, 3 times in a row. (It is funny, but I don't know if it has been the funniest for 3 years now.)
• Daily Show for best variety show (now for 8 years in a row)
  
• ALec Baldwin for best actor in a comedy'
• Glenn Close for best actress in a drama
• Bryan Cranston for best actor in a drama
• An actor from Lost for best supporting actor in a drama (last year, John O'Terry and This year Michael Emerson)

Maybe its just a sad commentary that there really isn't anything on television, or that the Emmy voters are lazy and they just keep turning in last year's ballot.

Hello? Hello?

So I was just at a meeting for about 3 hours nad I found out what is more annoying than someone leaving their phone on, someone who has their phone on vibrate and it goes off every 10 minutes for 3 hours straight. At this meeting we were first reminded to please turn off your phone and everyone checks (shouldn't your phone be off most times anyways?). Then throughout the meeting this same guy has his phone go off constantly every 10 minutes for the whole 3 hours. He never just turns it off (technically turning it to vibrate is not turning it off), nor does he check his phone to see if it is any kind of an emergency. On his phone, and with many people's phones, the vibrate is actually louder than a ringing. I literally almost jumped out of my seat, went to his spot, grabbed his phone, and smashed it against the wall. However, unlike George Costanzo who decides to do the opposite of everything and goes off on the guy in the movie theater, I did nothing.

I miss it................

Since my rival blogger has stopped regularly blogging and has thus deprived the world of "Fun With the Internets," here are a few random links that may put a smile on your face.

• The hilarious side of facebook
• Legos in the hood
• Legos + too much time on your hands
• Now we have to fear bears and monkeys
• They should recreate every show from the 90s. Home Improvement has a lot more story to tell. Another Cheers that takes place in a trendy club, it writes itself.
  

Announcer Fail

I'm not ready to say I "miss"John Madden, but I fear I might before
the end of the season. Chris Collinsworth has replaced Madden on NBC
for Sunday night games. Tonight NBC has the first game, Steelers vs
Titans. Colinsworth was talking about god l what for most of the game.
At one point he was talking about Titans wide receiver Nate Washington
and made an interesting (stupid) observation.

He said Washington has a bright future and reminds a lot of people of
Plexico Burress. WTF? Bright future and Plexico in the same sentence?
If Washington reminds people of Plexico does that mean he is a piece
of s**t that received exams in college that already had the correct
answers, will barely try on the field, and will eventually shoot
himself in the leg.

Great football insight Collinsworth, can't wait for other gems this
season.

Get my gun

I realize that I could start almost every blog post that way, but this really got me angry enough to wish my wife would drop those charges so I would be allowed to go buy a gun.

The television death trap known as Fox has started a new gimmick that I hope doesn't turn into a trend. They call it "tweet-peat." When they play a rerun of a show they don't just play it, they play it again with a twitter feed running on the bottom of the screen so you can seen every asine thing those high schoolers have to say while watching the show. They have already done it last week and this week with House, Fringe, and Glee. I tried watching House and it was so terribly distracting, I wasn't able to enjoy Dr. House's cynicism nearly as much and had to turn. If this catches on I will have to shoot someone.

Freedom B**ches!

In honor of this great country and freedom, and not having to work on Monday (and getting paid) I present Rock, Flag and Eagle:

"I'm gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass, gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world, I'm gonna kick some ass, I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG, AND EAGLE!!"

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia premieres Sunday September 21st, get ready. THey also have a few new t-shirts on their website, including Charlie as a Leprechaun, Charlie as Wildcard, Dennis Reynolds for Comptroller, Electric Dream Machine, Dayman, and Rock Flag and Eagle. I've already made my 2 purchases.

I didn't purchase the Comptroller shirt, but the speech Charlie wrote for Dennis is a classic:

"Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I am hot. What? Taxes. They'll be lower, son. The democratic vote for me is the right thing to do, Philadelphia. So do."

If I ever run for office, I am using that speech.

Here is a outtake scene from this coming season:

Sadly I don't think this is an outtake, I think there is going to be a scene with Danny Devito coming out of a couch naked.

I love freedom!

Some of you may have seen the commercial that allows you to put a piece of AstroTurf in your house for your pet to micturate on so you don't have to take it outside. That is bad enough but could serve a purpose for people who can't get home or if you are old and have a pet.

But now comes this:


WTF? Why get a dog if you want none of the responsibilities of having one? Could you imagine seeing a dog walking with a harness around its a** with a bag on it? Sad. The funniest thing about this is a comment I saw posted: "this piece of s**t degrades the dog and makes yo look like an a**hole." Well said.

The dream is over...........

So yesterday I had to go back to being a fully employed "productive" member to society. The dream is over, the king has given up his throw.

In honor of the end of summer:

Makes me cry.....

Why god why? These were the first words out of my mouth when I heard that the piece of s**t governor from Illinois, Rod Blagojevich has a book coming out called The Governor. Why go why? Who gives a s**t about what sorry a** excuses this guy has for being a piece and being "wrongfully ousted from his office."

ANyone who buys this book should be tagged by the government and secretly kidnapped and beaten in the middle of the night. They are useless to society.

What could this book possible have in it? Sorry, you're a piece of s**t that got caught, now just quietly ride off into the sunset. I am sure there are politicians who have done far worse, but you were caught. Now take it like a man, don't try to get rich off of it by writing a book. The publishing company that makes this book should be taken over by the government and shut down.

I would be even more embarrassed to be from Illinois lately. You've had the Cubs for the past 100 years, now you have that guy who threw a beer at Shane Victorino, and now you have this.

Makes me smile

This story here about the choas and fighting within the Viking locker room makes me smile. Not because I have anything against Favre, it's just funny to see yet another horrific thing happen to the state of Minnesota.

I actually couldn't care less about Favre coming back. I appreciate everything he did for Green Bay sports. Keep in mind that if he was never on the Packers, the Packers would still be a joke of a franchise and would not be able to get any free agents, think 1980s and early 1990s. So we can not judge him now. He is too sad to just retire and go into the booth as John Madden's replacement (it will happen) and someday be an assistant coach, or even head coach. Let him play and prove to himself that he is done.

I just find it funny that Minnesota thought they were the clear favorites to win the division and even the Super Bowl. The quarterback was not holding them back last year. You could find any 90 year old grandmother to hand off to Adrian Peterson 50 times a game. I just want to know who in that locker room pointed them out as Sage Rosenfels fans. That's embarrasing.

Earlier this week I blogged about that incredible story about a "reality show star" who killed his stripper wife, and I commented that the story could not get any more incredible. I was wrong.

Long time listener, first time caller...........

It seems that all along I have had 5 readers, not the 4 I thought I had. It also seems that my 5th reader took my jokes a bit too far this past week. You may have heard of this story of some dude on a couple of VH1 "reality" shows that killed his stripper wife and cut her up and put her in a suitcase and is now on the run in Canada.

This story seems unbelievable on some many levels.

• Somehow a guy with some serious offenses in the past was accepted onto a tv show. He was also on a show in which some hooker picked out of a group of millionaires. (She really just banged them all and one guy banged her the most and "won.") However, this guy is obviosuly far from being a millionaire.
• This guy cut her up and she was identified by her breast implants.
• This guy was on two different shows on VH1. He is on "Megan Wants a Millionaire," which was half way through their season. (The chick from Megan Wants a Millionaire was on 3 or 4 shows. Is it that hard to find idiots willing to embarrass their families on VH1?) He was already eliminated, but VH1 has pulled all episodes of the show off, and removed it from their website, it is almost as if it never existed. Now there is a rumor that he was on "I Love Money 3" that has not aired at all yet. There is a rumor that he even won the $250000 grand prize. VH1 will not air that at all, but he may have already received the cash prize and is in Canada with it.

Don't get me wrong, it's horrible that this woman was killed, but this whole thing seems out of a shitty novel or some terrible movie.

Since a certain rival political blogger never posted this video, I will post the video of the best response from a politician to a stupid question. It is probably political suicide, but it is funny:

This seems familiar

Last week I blogged about how similar the movie Gamer is to The Running Man from 20 years ago. Well it seems like Hollywood is at it again.

Here is a trailer for a new movie (yes it looks horrible, but that is not my point)



Hmmmm, seems familiar. Maybe because it is this same movie:


Wow! Let's look at the similarities:

• A group of kids think they accidentally kill someone (while drinking), then when trying to hide the body, they really kill them.
• They dump the body in water (or in a well)
• They agree to keep this secret the rest of their lives.
• They begin to start to be terrorized and killed one by one.
• The killer is some large man in a rain jacket with his face covered (literally looks the same in both movies).
• The killer uses some kind of hook to do the killing

Sad Hollywood this is the same movie with an updated cast of horrible actors. Fail


Editors note: I am choosing not to blog about this at this time.

OMG, WTF, LMAO

I know some of my loyal readers refuse to ever sign up for facebook,
but I am on it and I believe it serves some point. I don't go on there
and mak any moves, upload pictures, comment on other peoples' pages,
or constantly update my status. I use it to send messages to a few
people on there and to stalk my ex-wife. Now with facebook
applications, it is incredibly easy to do stuff. I have now noticed a
few coworkers on there, and they update their status every hour and
leave hundreds of comments on everyone else's pages. Do these people
feel so invisible and need attention that much? They've left comments
like "I hate Mondays." "sitting outside, glass of wine, life is
great." "can you believe this episode of True Blood. OMG." There is
even this one horrible teacher who is teaching summer school and
updates her status during class. WTF. This is just stupid. First off,
do your job. Secondly, if anyone important saw this, you could get
into serious trouble. Grow up, do your job, and realiE that no one
gives a s**t about you.

Faith Restored

I was watching the G4 network today, a show about various summer
movies, and they had a ticker on the bottom of the screen with live
comments on their website from viewers. On TV they had two
professional critics debating GI Joe. One guy said it was horrible
(the smart one) and one guy said he enjoyed it and was exactly what he
wanted and would see it again (the dumb and possible retarded one).

The funny part was the comments on the bottom.
"the movie stars Marlon Wayans, so no it is not good."
"this movie gave my childhood the middle finger, sorry 5 year old
Timmy."
"that guy who likes his movie obviously had a mother who drank while
pregnant, hopefully she is still drinking so she doesn't notice her
son is a failure."

Awesome stuff. I know have faith in people who have no job and sit at
home making comments about a tv program online.

Let's play a game

Let's play again here, see if you can spot the differences in the movies from the two trailers below. These movies were made 20 years apart but are basically the same thing.





Here is a synopsis of Gamer and a synopsis of The Running Man.

• Both movies are about convicted fellons fighting each other for their freedom, in theory.
• Both take place in the near future when the world has changed, the economy has collapsed, and violence and chaos reign.
• Both "games" are run by a ruler like man, Richard Dawson in Running Man and Michael C. Hall in Gamer.
• I am guaranteeing you that in Gamer it will turn out that Gerard Butler is innocent of his crime, just like in Running Man.
• Just like in Running Man, the ruler like man will do whatever it takes to make sure no one ever "wins" and gets out, even if he has to cheat.
• Gerard Butler is quickly turning into the next Schwarzenegger. (Future Governor??) He is known for making these ridiculous action movies that take no acting skills and even have very few lines (300??) and then gets praised as this great actor. He then tries his hand at a comedy (The Ugly Truth) and fails miserably. Both are from a foreign country (Butler is from Scotland)
• I am really having a hard time finding differences in these movies except one is a tv show and the other is a video game.

I know hollywood has run out of ideas, but come on.

Darwin was wrong

So, I was out driving around yesterday and drove past a theater right when the movie was getting out. This theater only has one screen and was playing G.I.Joe, so I know everyone there was seeing that movie. It was sad to see that a theater picked that as the one movie they are playing, and it was sad to see so many choosing to see that movie. I'll give you one guess on the type of people that where walking out of the theater. A hint is that the first word is white and the second word rhymed with with flash.

The real kicker was that I saw these two douche bags walk out and then high five each other. WTF? Who does that to begin with, let alone after that movie? Sad. I would rather be punched in the face for 90 minutes than see that "movie." I think if I were trapped and tied to my seat while that was playing my eyes would take one for the team and fall out of my head. Wow, they really high-fived each other coming out of the theater.

4

Money Wasted

SO today, Eli Manning signed a 6 year $97 million contract. This makes him the highest paid player in NFL history. He is not even the best player at his position. This must be some kind of joke. I mean look at his career stats. He has a 6 year career, with an average QB rating of only 76.1. He has 98 career TD passes and 74 interception. The only reason any one pays any attention to him is because of his last night and some how they squeeked a Super Bowl victory past the Patriots 2 years ago.

Let's just compare him to some other QBs:

• Tom Brady career 92.9 rating, 197 TDs, 86 interceptions (3 Super Bowls)
  
• Tony Romo career 94.7 rating, 81 Tds, 46 interceptions
• Peyton Manning career 94.8 rating, 333 TDs, 165 ints (1 Super Bowl)
  
• Drew Brees career 89.4 rating, 168 TDs, 99 ints
• Jake Delhomme career 85.1 rating, 115 TDs, 76 ints
• Phillip Rivers career 92.9 rating, 78 TDs, 36 ints
• Ben Roethlisberger 89.4 rating, 101 TDs, 69 ints (2 Super Bowls)

Anyone of these players are worth twice what The Giants are paying Eli. I can't wait to see him fall on his a**, especially now since they don't have Plexico for him to just throw the ball in the air for.

Video Time

I blogged in the past about the potential of a new Comedy Central show, Michael & Michael Have Issues. Now it has aired 3 episodes, and they had this clip that is hilarious, although it does hit a little close to home for me.

Michael & Michael Have Issues	Wed 10:30pm / 9:30c
Break-Up Sweatpants
www.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

If you've lost all faith in humanity, especially in the future generations (I know I have), watch this video that was on ESPN over the weekend. I can't embed it, so you have to go over to ESPN to watch it, but it is worth it.

Also, I am a little happier today, and have a little more faith in humanity, after reading this story about how poorly T.O.'s "reality show" is doing. It tied with a 2 am episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Awesome.

Check this out

Some of you may have seen these guys on COlbert Report the other day, but in case you didn't, check this out. They have a really cool sound, even if you can't understand a word they are saying. Doesn't matter.







They are so new and unknown, check out there Wikipedia page, which was first started this week. I'm not sure if their album is even available over here. I'm not sure how Colbert found these guys, but he is taking an active effort in giving them the Colbert Bump.

Weekend Redux

Another eventful weekend with a few spots of interest.

On Friday I had some beers at a bar while watching the Brewers lose again. On the way out I saw a car parked as humanly close as possible to the car in front of them. The funny thing is that each car had plenty of room in front of them, see below:



On Saturday there was a street festival down were I live. They close off the street for about a mile and there is food, beer, and music all day. The down side is that it tends to bring yuppy f**ks from all over the city to a small neighborhood that they are not used to. Our group of friends spent8 hours sitting outside at the same bar, which is either bad-ass or sad. We had everything we needed there; food, beer, a place to sit, and we were still right by the action to see all the idiots when they walked by. The day was uneventful until walking home after the event and I saw a lady yelling at a tow truck driver about towing her car. He is just doing his job, you shouldn't park where you are not suppossed to park. Lesson learned.

On Sunday I went to the Brewer's game (no comment). After the game we went to grab a bite to eat. On the television was "The Jay Glazer Show" on Fox SPorts. It is a sad commentary that someone decided to give this guy his own half hour show to have diarhea of the mouth, in which he never makes any sense. We debated if he ever played football, so I decided to go to Wikipedia and found the following awesome quote, which has since been removed:

"Jay also knows nothing about football and he sucks dick for beer money. he's never played a game of football in his life so he should not be commenting on the sport period. plus the only thing that he should be good at which is MMA he does nothing but get his ass kicked (glazer vs jackson 2003) so jay for the love of god shut your mouth and do us a favor go kill yourself and leave oxygen for the people that really matter."

That is the greatest Wikipedia entry ever. Thank you.

Perfect Example

I meant to post this yesterday, but in all my anger, I forgot.

Wednesday's day game against the Pirates showed the exact reason why the Brewers suck, and will stay below .500 the rest of the season.

First Jeff Suppan gives up 5 runs in the first 2 innings to a horrible Pirates offense. Then our bats, mainly Braun, Fielder, and McGehee get 7 runs in the next 3 innings to lead 7-5. The next half inning Seth McClung comes in and gives up 2 runs. It's like Suppan and McClung were jealous of Burns becoming the worst pitcher on the team. The rest of the game saw the Brewers unable to score depsite a few times having men in scoring position with zero or one out. Sad. Eventually Stetter gave up a homer to the Pirates and the Brewers lost. Our offense just couldn't keep up with the s**tty pitching.

I personally think they should not sell the farm for starting pitching this season. Just stay competitive and fill the seats. Give McGehee more at bats and make sure he is the 3rd baseman of the future. Teach Gamel 1st or outfield in the minors, and hopes Weeks comes back next year. They must get starting pitching for next year though, otherwise they will have same results. However a team next year with Fielder (1/2 the year), Braun, Gamel, McGehee, Hart, Weeks, and Excobar could be sweet. (Full year end analysis and off season hopes will come at end of the year.)

Crunked Out!

If you haven't seen the Pacman Jones video on ESPN, here it is in all it's glory:


A few rants:

• I don't think there is anything that "offensive" in the video like ESPN keeps warning you. All the nudity is blurred and cursing is bleeped. The scene is so chaotic, you can't really see what is going on anyways. There is much more "offensive" scenes on primetime television.
• It's awesome that Nelly is there, even better that he waves off the guy videotaping this. Nelly knows that something stupid is going to happen, he doesn't want to be in on it.
• The scene with Jermaine Dupri yelling at the strippers is great. Who does that?
  
• Why does this club let people video tape this? Could you imagine trying to video tape at a strip club? I actually sat next to this guy at a bar 2 weeks ago that said at a bachelor party, a bouncer broke his friends phone because he thought he was taking a picture of a dancer, when he was actually trying to get a signal to send a text. Oh wait, I have the answer.....money.
• I love how ESPN explains what making it rain is to its culturally-ignorant audience. (here is a video definition)
  
• The amount of money being dropped at this club nightly is sick. You wonder how so many celebrities and rap artists go bankrupt, they spend ridiculous amounts of money.
• I laugh (and cried) at the end when ESPN said that Pacman has a daughter and a family to take care of. I pray for this kid.
  
• It was also humorous when they mentioned that Pacman was trying to get back into the NFL, the only career he knows. I believe he is still banned from the league, and which team would want him. Sad. He is going to have to quickly find another career he is good at.

This is my new favorite clip on ESPN, ever.

Here is my new favorite picture of all time. There is no story needed.

Laughter is the gateway to the soul

If you haven't been watching the new Comedy Central show, Tosh.O, let me tell you that you are missing out. It is quite funny. Basically he makes fun of all those people who put up clips on the Internet. The pace of jokes is pretty quick. The first 15 minutes are full of a laugh a second, but the second half does to slow down.

Here are some clips:

Each week he brings someone on the show who has an embarrassing video on the Internet, and has them redeem themselves. These people are good sports about it, despite him making fun of them. This week he brought on a dude who got a giant balloon, filled it with air and tried to climb out of it but got severely stuck in it. Here is the video of him trying to do it with the help of a comedian:

Tosh.0	Thurs, 10pm / 9c
Web Redemption - Balloon Guy
www.comedycentral.com
Daniel Tosh Miss Teen South Carolina Demi Moore Picture

Here is a clip that is funny by itself:

Tosh.0	Thurs, 10pm / 9c
Motorcycle Granny
www.comedycentral.com
Daniel Tosh Miss Teen South Carolina Demi Moore Picture

Here is a clip that they made. (I'm glad to see that the NBA is dead to someone else as well)

Tosh.0	Thurs, 10pm / 9c
NBA Where Amazing Happens Parody
www.comedycentral.com
Daniel Tosh Miss Teen South Carolina Demi Moore Picture

PS: The first episode of Michael and Michael Have Issues was pretty funny, looks promising. It's basically a show about these two guys who have a show together and are best friends but they hate each other.

1 Death, 1 Warning

Two major changes to my Dead to Me and On Notice Board Today:


First, Michael Jackson songs are dead to me now. I am tired of people playing his music everywhere now that he is dead. Its been 3 weeks now people. After he died he had 4 of the top 10 selling albums that week. Why would you go out and buy his music now that he is dead. If you liked his music, you would have already owned it, and if you didn't own it and didn't like it, why go out now and buy it? Makes no sense. Then there is the playing of his music on the Jukebox at bars. I understood that the weekend after he died, it would be everywhere, but three weeks later, it is still everywhere. Yesterday I went to grab a bite to eat and a beer at 2 pm at my local wateringhole, and some women put money in the Jukebox and played 45 minutes of Michael Jackson songs. Really?? On Saturday as well, I went to a bar with a buddy, and the bartender was choosing to play Michael Jackson songs all night. We left after 15 minutes. He's gone people, nothing has changed.

Second, the MLB All-Star Game Rules are on notice. If they want the game to mean something, like home field in the World Series, that is fine, but make it so those players who might make it into the World Series are playing at the end. The game is really only interesting in the first 6 innings, when the starters are playing, and then their immediate backups. After that it is scrubs who should have no determiniation of the outcome. It shows by the NL making 18 straight outs and 22 outs to end the game (minus one walk and a double). Look at some of the players in the game at the end and their team.

• Adrian Gonzalez (Padres)
• Health Bell (Padres)
• Justin Upton (Diamondbacks)
• Brad Hawpe (Rockies)
• Miguel Tejada (Astros)
• Brian McCann (Braves)
• Jayson Werth (Phillies)
• Ryan Zimmerman (Nationals)
• Orlando Hudson (Dodgers)

Only Werth and Hudson are on teams that have a shot at the World Series. Why are the rest of the a**-clowns allowed to determine the home field of the World Series? I knew it was a joke when they took out Pujols for Gonzalez at first and Fielder and Howard only pinch hit. If the teams really wanted to win, Pujols would have never came out of the game. They need to change the rules. Either don't have the game matter for s**t, or allow the best players to play at the end. Maybe once a player comes out, he can come back in the game later. Or softball rules, everyone bats in order, regardless of who is playing the field. They could even consider getting rid of the rule in which every team must have a player represented. I also thought it was a joke that Tim Wakefield doesn't make it into the game (unless the Red Sox didn't want him to). The guy is pitching great this season and has waited 20+ years to make it, and then he doesn'e even play. Joke.

What a rush!

So some of you may already read this article about a high school student dieing. They were playing this new "game" called space monkey. Sounds like fun doesn't it. Oh wait, it involved putting a plastic bag over your head until you pass out. Other variations involve people choking each other or sitting on someone's chest until they can't breathe. Wow, you thought the future generation was f**ked before..........

Now,I have done some stupid s**t before in my time, but I don't think it would have ever crossed my mind to maybe put a bag over my head until I pass out. Or, "hey EdGrimley, would you mind sitting on my chest for a while until I can't breathe. I'm trying to get a rush."

What ever happened like huffing spray paint?




Editor's Note: EdGrimley may already be dead, he has not posted a blog in 2 weeks. I know this Michael Jackson thing hit him hard, but now I starting to get worried.

Thoughts on a game

So I went to the Brewers game on Wednesday evening, and it was a great game, with the Brewers pulling through in the 8th to go up by one, and then Hoffman shutting it down. (How did he not make the All-Star team? What a joke.)

The enjoyable part of the game was that since it was a weekday game, everyone around you wasn't s**tty drunk and annoying. What a welcome change from usually going to games on Saturday and Sunday when people have been drinking for 6 hours before the game. We could sit there, relax, and actually watch the game; except for 2 exceptions.

• The family in front of us kept standing for some reason to watch the game. I didn't get it. They weren't standing to cheer for a great hit or a catch, just randomly standing for a pitch or 12 to watch the game. Do they not realize that no one behind them can see when they stand? Did they think that there standing had any influence on the outcome of the game. It was rather annoying.
• Next to us was a family as well, a dad with his sone and 2 daughters. His daughters were probably 12 or 13 (hold your jokes), and that was fine and well, until the 8th and 9th inning. This douche bag, my guess being 18, came by and tried to get everyone to start the wave, but to no avail. He later came back and went right to the 12-13 year old and tried talking her into starting the wave, all this with her dad right next to her. This guy then came back in the 9th and just got her number and gave her his number, again with the dad right there saying nothing. They then started texting each other about 5 seconds later. What is this dad doing? If I were him I would have slammed this douche bags head into the concrete ala American History X, no questions asked. I don't even no the nerve that this kid has doing this with a 13 year old right in front of her dad. Nothing good can come from this situation, unless an unwanted pregnancy and an STD is a good thing.

Speaking of baseball, here is the worst opening pitch in history; and I thought I threw like a girl.

Quick Reads

Surfing the Internets this morning I came across two interest newsworthy stories.

This article here talks about a professor that has cracked the Social Security Number system. I always new that the different numbers stood for something like what city you were born in, what date you were born on, and what not. HE says he can do with common information of birth date and birth city, all information available all over the Internet. It was only a matter of time. If you read the whole article, his predictions are not that accurate and are more likely to be correct for small states and more recent births. Nothing too freak out about. I still like my method of getting social security numbers, asking for it at gunpoint.

This article sounds as if another government body is trying to inhibit our freedom once again. They have ruled that Pandora and other online music streaming systems have to have some restrictions on availability of music. On Pandora now, you can only listen to 40 hours of free music a month, or you can pay for the premium edition and get unlimited. I personally think 40 hours is plenty, but don't understand why we need to have so many restrictions to listen to music. You can't download or save it or anything, it is essentially the same as having a radio. I feel that they are trying to tread on me.

Here's a funny little clip of a news reporter freaking out.

Rock and/or Roll

We all had a long weekend of celebrating every aspect of freedom possible, now sit back and enjoy these sweet videos.













Apparently there is this huge underground of people who bought these Rock-Afire Explosion displays from old Showbiz Pizza restaurants that went out of business. I don't care how big of a nerd you would have to be to buy one and program it to do these songs, but they are sweet. I hope they make "F**k the Police" next.

Look mom, I'm a douchebag

I'm currently blogging from a bus on my way down to Chicago.

I went to Summerfest last night to go see The Roots, who put on a good
show. The reason for this post is not that however. As always
Summerfest was filled with a mix of douchebags and meatheads and
skanks and as*-bags but they topped themselves yesterday. There was a
set up of bags, the tailgating game for tools. There were about 50
people standing around watching these 2 douchebags play. These guys
had spiking hair, Oakley sunglasses, dark blue jeans, and clubbing
shirts on. Of course they thought they were the s**t.

Anyone standing around waching them, Massive Fail.

Sent from my iPhone

I Love Freedom

Only in America could a company like this even exist:



So you can just go there and rent a gun and do god knows what with it. I would hate to be a police officer assigned to a case if that that gun were ever used in a crime. You would have a list of hundreds of people who have rented that gun. This doesn't seem legal. God Bless America

Sports Time

It's been a while since I have done a Sports Rant, so here we go:

• If you didn't hate the NBA enough, the 3 trades that have occured the last two days will show you why it is horrible. All three trades featured an All-Star player being traded for bench0-warmers who are either going to be cut in the next week or are going to retire. All 3 trades only took place for money. Teams can't rebuild any more, they have to trade players so they can save money.
  
• The Bucks sucked next year, and will be worse next year without Jefferson or Villeneuva, and possibly without Sessions. Keep in mind I watched 2 games all year, so I actually have no idea who those players are. And they just selected some point guard from Italy. Fail.
• The Brewers are fu**ed big time. They have 3 starting pitchers, and one of those is Suppan. They are luckily still in second because everyone else in our division is losing too, but they have now lost the wild card to the Giants. (The same Giants who probably have the best starting pitching in the league, coincidence.....). I honestly don't know what they should do. They have no pitching in their farm system and there aren't any teams willing to part with any starters. The Brewers also don't want to trade away their future again this year. My personal choice to move Hardy and bring up Escobar or even trade Cameron now instead of losing him at the end of the season for nothing.
• Gamel and MCgehee should start everyday, no mater the pitching situations or matchup bull-s**t.
• I was watching Sports Center this moring and ended up watching it for an hour. The sad thing was that they covered 2 baseball games that entire hour; the Yankees game and the Mets game. The BRewers won a thirller, and there was nothing about it for the entire hour. They spend probably 20 minutes do some sh**ty mock draft for the NBA, spent 20 minutes on the Shaw trade (they actually had a piece on who was a bigger joker in the locker room, Shaq or LeBron), and then they spent 15 minutes on the USA beating Spain in soccer.............who gives a shit. 5 minutes of baseball..... this is America right?

Here is a funny bit from the COlbert Report, he has a funny joke about soccer and another one about Brett Favre.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Sport Report - Soccer, Tennis & Brett Favre
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford