Punch-Happy

Some athletes are such complete a**-holes it never fails to surprise me. Manny Ramirez is one such athlete. Now he has apparaetnly gotten into a physical confrontation with the traveling secretary over some tickets to a game. What would possess a normal, sane human being from doing such a thing?

Traveling secretary? I always thought they made up George Costanza's position, assistant to the traveling secretary, on Seinfeld. If he hadn't not been traded for a bucket of chicken to Tyler Chicken on the show, maybe someday he could have worked his way up to the traveling secretary and could have got into a physical confrontation with Gary Sheffield or someone. Too bad

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Marketing 101

With all this time off (oh yeah I'm on summer break) I have found another reason why network TV was horrible (in case Celebrity Circus wasn't enough). Here are 3 reasons why cable TV channels are by far better than network TV.






I have no idea what these channels normally play on their channels as "entertainment" but just by watching these promos make me want to buy cable tv, or at least A tv, hell even buy electricity.

Enough is enough

Okay, I looked the other waty when gas rose above $4 and when the stock market fell to a record low, but now this is ridiculous.

They are going to raise the price of beer? Nooooooooooo! How am I going to deal with all my crippling emotional pain? I have some serious dark issues I have to deal with on a daily basis, and these issues and the voices in my head are best silenced through beer. Don't blame me when I can no longer quiet the voiced in my head and they take over. Blame the economy and the rise in prices of beer.

You can't do that

I thought in honor of George Carlin passing away I would list the 7 words you can't say on television since this is the Internets and you can say them:

****, ***, ****, ****, **********, ************, ****

So there I said them, if you have a problem with me write me a letter.

Here was a great children's show that on a weekly basis did things that you weren't allowed to do on television, but they did it anyways.

Calling all cops....

Who wants to go on a crime spree in Arizona? It nows seems as if Shaq is going to lose his sheriff's badge in Arizona because of his rap about Kobe Bryant.



Who cares? It's not like Shaq was out patrolling the mean streets of suburban Phoenix. WHo cares about some stupid rap that he swears a couple of times in? I don't know what he is basing this rap on either. Kobe had a better record than either of Shaq's teams this year, and they did make it to the finals. It's kind of stupid to rap that Kobe couldn't make it all when your team couldn't even make it out of the first round.

I'll take my social security check please

In case you live under a rock (and I know a few of my loyal readers do), Bill Gates is retiring from Microsoft at the beginning of July. Really not much is going to change. Microsoft will still control the technological world and make software that sucks and slows down your computer. I am not sure how much input Gates has on a daily basis, so maybe the next version of Windows Vista won't absolutely suck like this one does. (I actually do like Office 2007 once you get used to it). I am sure even after retiring he will make more money in one day than 99% of the world will make in their individual lifetime. Oh well.

This video is funny and shows Bill Gates has a good sense of humor about himself.

Woops, my bad

I was reading the paper today and came upon this article that once again made me think Darwin was right. So, basically a kid was driving around with his buddy "surfing" on the front windshield and they somehow hit a tree and the driver is be charged with it. Seems fair. Which one of these two geniuses thought this was a good idea? It also says they were going 50 mph. WTF? Even if you thought this would be fun and a good idea, don't you think you would do it at a more appropriate speed? Even if they didn't hit a tree (how'd they hit a tree anyways?) how would they have stopped from going 50 mph without the kid on the hood flying off. I am not a physicist, but that seems quite difficult.

I've blogged about ghost ridin in the past, but I thought that was a fad that had fallen away. I guess it took over a year for ghost ridin to hit the suburbs, so these two thought it was still cool to be doing.

I guess kid's in the city are now "Ghost Ridin' the Book"

Terrible editing on this video, but they actually do ghost ride books in the last 30 seconds.

I also guess kids in the suburbs have also moved beyond ghost ridin cars:


Editor's note: The article says that the survivor said the two of them had done this before. Would you really want to admit to that after killing your best friend acting like an idiot.

Dumb it Down

So yesterday I was out and about driving around taking care of some "business." It was a nice day and I was in the mood for a shake. I decided to go run into a McDonalds since they are on every corner and their shakes are actually pretty good. It's been a long time since I had been in one, but my god have they dumb-downed the menu. All that is on the menu now is pictures and prices, I don't think there was one word on the thing. The menu just had pictures of all their different combo meals and then pictures of the items on their dollar menu. I don't know if it is still even possible to get regular ala carte items there, I think you have to get everything in combos. How sad is it when we have to put pictures up for everyone instead of words? Who's educating these people? Sad.

Ineptitude

One more sports rant.....Did any of you loyal viewers listen to or see the Brewers game today? What a joke of a bullpen. Bush somehow had a no-hitter going into the eighth and even got of the eighth with a one-run, two-hitter. No problem, the Brewers are still up 8-1. Then the "bullpen" gets in the game and gives up hit after hit and walk after walk and even throws in a grand slam for good measure. All of a sudden it is a 8-7 ballgame. Then fan favorite Ned Yost actually decides to do something and puts in the closer Torres who shuts 'er down and the Brewers manage to win. This bullpen is a complete f**king joke. They only one worth a s**t is Torres and Villeneuva, the rest can't even hold onto a 7 run lead with 3 outs left in the game. They dropped Taverus (don't care if thats misspelled) so they could bring back Riske and they are both useless. (Editors note why would Yost pitch Riske on his first night back after 2 months when he sucked before he was injured.) Now we have Gagne coming back, and Yost has said that he will be the setup up guy. I don't know who's worse Mota or Gagne? Hopefully Brewers starters will be able to go 8 innings and then we can put in Torres, the rest are useless.

Update: The Brewer's Bullpen is once again on my Dead to Me list, having spent a few months off the list. Congratulations. Also, since he has been fired Larry Harris has made it off the list, since he is nothing to me anymore, out of sight, out of mind.

Sports rantings

Just 3 quick sports ramblings today children:

• You would think that the NBA would hire better writers. The season finale of the NBA aired last night and the best that the writers could come up with is a 40 point blowout. Lame. The good news is that because the NBA season is so long, it starts back up in like 3 weeks. It was an alright season but you could tell they were affected by the writers strike.
• Stephen Colbert had a hilarious bit about Ken Griffey Jr.(It's in the first 30 seconds)

It is sad that a good guy who never cheated on the game, his wife, or his taxes, is overlooked historically by some guy who did cheat on the game, his wife, and his taxes.

• The Brewers are looking "good" again, but it is still scary. I think the final score is overshadowing the fact that they are not that good again. If they had not hit a homerun last night they would not have scored any runs. In fact they never got a runner past 2nd base without a homerun. So a 7-0 blowout really could have been a 0-0 pitchers duel. There is way too much emphasis on the homerun. A guy like Cameron who sucks and is batting about .220 strikes out 3 times a game, but hits a homerun on Sunday and is declared the hero and everyone talks about how glad we should be to have him. I'd rather have a guy who hits .320 with no homeruns than a guy who hits .220 with 10 homeruns, and averaging 1.5 strikeouts per game. Outside of Braun, Fielder, and Hart everyone is batting under .240 and a few under .210. Still sad. Plus we have no bullpen. I'm still a fan but they still have way too many gapping holes.

The next banned substance:

Also today on my day off I read an interesting article from Monday's Journal Sentinel about the effects of baking soda on athletes. Apparently ingesting baking soda can increase one's running speed with minimal side effects (including diarrhea and stomach pains). I can see Barry Bonds trying to make a comeback now and have Jose Canseco create lines of baking soda for him on the clubhouse toilet seats. I'm not a scientist but I am not sure how this would work scientifically. Baking soda is very acidic and creates the volcanoes for uncreative 4th graders entering a science fair.

Day One....

Having just completed Day One of summer vacation I must say, "Not working kicks a**!" LEt's see today I slept until 10:00, watched two movies, went to Target, went for a walk, ate lunch, and was still back home to watch Seinfeld at 4. I have to say that if things continue this way I might go back to work ever. (In fact if my case ever goes to court I may not legally be able to return to work.)

That's right b**ches!

It's that time again!




You have to love seasonal employment.
See you at the beach.

Think People

Every so often (actually too often) you hear about a story that really makes you wonder if people even think at all. Recentyly there was this story in which a high school in San Diego was trying to teach the students about the dangers and aftermath of drunk driving.

To teach the students about the real personal affects of drunk driving they went around the school and told all the students a few students were killed by a drunk driver the night before. Brillant. This might be the stupidest f**king idea I have ever heard off. I can't believe so many people went along with it and are still defending it. If I was a teacher in that school there is no way I would allow that to be carried out in my classroom. Period. Everyone who went along with this should feel ashamed of themselves.

This reminded of an episode of The Office this year in which Michale decides to fake fire Stanley to teach him a lesson. Everyone in the office tries to tell him it is a horrible idea but he does it anyways. When he does it, it backfires and Stanley goes off on him telling him how horrible of a boss he is and that he is going to take him to court. The only difference was that was on television and was funny, this is real and horrific.

"I can buy my way out of anything"

As in the words of Ernie McCracken: "I'm above the law. I can buy my way out of anything."

Who in their right mind would want to enter the field of becoming a lawyer nowadays? It's pretty much a joke of a profession, at least with celebrities. R. Kelly was acquitted of all 14 charges leveraged against him in Illinois. WTF? What more evidence do you need? The prosecution had two eye-witnesses, and a video tape of him having sex with a 13-year old and pissing on another under-age girl. All the defense had was a clip from the Wayan Brothers' movie, Little Man.

What would it take for a celebrity to actually get found guilty of a crime? Clearly evidence, eye-witnesses, character testimony, and all other lawyer jargon does not work. My new life goal is to become a celebrity not for the money and girls, just so I am going to be above the law.

Just Checking..... Yup, Still Dead

I was sitting at a tavern last night grabbing a bite to eat and a few "second to last day of working beers" and I thought all the TVs were off. It turns out that after talking to the gentleman next to me, that actually the NBA playoffs were on the TV. Since it is dead to me, I do not even notice if it were on. DOes anyone even care or waste their time watching this s**t, especially after all these new claims of cheating and rigging by the refs.

Whenever anyone asks me when I stopped watching the NBA, I always cite the series in 2002 when the Lakers beat the Kings by shooting 27 free throws in the 4th Quarter and Divac and Webber on the Kings fouling out. It now appears I was about 6 years ahead of everyone else in realizing that it was fixed.

Editors Note: Also on the TV at the time was a replay of the Brewers' game, but I had to sit sideways on my chair to watch it. I was asked "wouldn't I rather watch the NBA playoffs than a replay of the Brewers' game." Fact: I would rather watch a replay of a Brewers' loss than Game 7 of the NBA Finals.

Sweet Jebus Why?

Sometimes you wonder if you are surrounded by douche bag idiots that probably can't wipe their own a**. This usually happens to me every time I turn on the TV and see what the various stations are trying to show and call "entertainment." Usually the worst is found over at MTV. (Little known fact, the M stands for Music). They have crap after crap on it, I'm going to save you from going through the list because if you have heard of any of them or watch any of them, you should kill yourself. Now they are coming out with a new "reality" (I put reality is quotes because is it still really a reality show when it is scripted?) show.

WTF is this? They are going to have a show wherein straight guys (probably all douche bags) compete to be in some a**-hole from The Hills new entourage. Do people really want to be in anyone's entourage, let alone this guys? I have a crew of people that I pay to stalk my ex-wife, but I wouldn't really call it an entourage. I mean what self-respecting dude would want to be on TV and prance around sucking up to some other dude begging to be his friend.

Editor's note: I do not watch the Hills, but I know at least one avid reader of mine does, so I mean not to offend.

When you type in douche bag in Google Images, this is the second picture that comes up, hilarious. (I think I knew that guy in high school)

Defense rests...

Unless our good friend R. Kelly quickly changes to a good lawyer (are there any left) it looks like he is so screwed in this case once and for all. Oh well I guess we are going to all have to get our s**ty R&B music elsewhere.

"Prosecutors said Monday they planned to recall to the witness stand Grant Fredericks, who previously testified that the videotape showed a dark spot on the lower back of the man in the video. The spot "corresponds" with a mole on Kelly's back, Fredericks told jurors.
Last week, Kelly's team presented its own video expert, Charles Palm, who showed a copy of the tape in which dark spots seemed to appear and then disappear from the man's back. He dismissed the spots as 'video noise.'"

I'm not a science man, but I'm not sure how noise could visually appear as a black spot on a video. I might be wrong though.

Oh well, lesson learned. Don't piss on girls when you are having relations with them, especially when they are 13 years old. You may become rich and famous someday and then 'girlfriend gonna get paid.'

Words

I'm never totally surprised at what people say, especially when "people" are celebrities who do a s**t ton of coke.

If you have not heard of Amy Winehouse, she is some celebrity who has a music album out there and won a Grammy for Best New Artist and her hit song is called 'Rehab' and is about her going into rehab. Back to reality, she has been in and out (mostly out) of rehab for years and is currently on quite the crack binge. Now a video has come out in which about a year ago her boyfriend at the times taped her singing an incredibly racist song in which she says every racial slur ever invented.

Now she came out with a statement defending the video saying ""I don't want to play anything down, but I'm the least racist person going." WTF? I love when people can jsut say something even though all the evidence points in the other direction. Its kind of like when my wife said she wasn't seeing someone else even though I received a Christmas card from her and her "other family" for years. She really thinks she is the least racist person going. Yet she goes out and says every racial slur known and is laughing the whole time.



I typed racism into Google Images and this is the first image that came up:

Wet, wet, everywhere

I don't want to turn into a weather blog. But, with what Mother Nature has been giving us lately, I may not have a choice. It rained again over night. I read today in the paper that it has been the 2nd wettest June in the history of Wisconsin, and it is only June 10th. And this isn't the good kind of wet......




Dear Mother Nature, Enough already.

Noah's Ark

Well Mother Nature hit us hard last night. There is water everywhere. Many streets are closed, the river is overflowing and the best part is that we are suppossed to get another 3 inches of rain today. The sewers are already overflowing, there is no place to put the rain.

Yes rain did that.

Now I know that many areas of the country would kill for rain because they go through month long droughts in which they can only use water at certain times of the day (California). But, this is ridiculous. With rain coming every day this week, things are going to get very interesting quickly around here.

Welcome Summer, please have a seat

Whenever I question why Mother Nature is Dead to Me she comes in with a roar again. Once again here in Wisconsin we had no Spring. We went from Winter and having temperatures in the 40s to temps in the 80 in a week.

We have also been getting the wrath of Mother Nature in terms of storms. Its down poured the past 3 days and I just checked the 10-day forecast and there is 50% chance of thunderstorms EVERYDAY. WTF? We also had tornado warnings all day yesterday, and many parts of the city had the tornado horns go off, making people go to the basement of wherever they were (I was at work). Today, I'm sitting here trying to enjoy a baseball game on Fox and we have been interrupted by local weather 4 times, and currently some idiot meteorologist has been talking for 15 minutes and put up tornado warnings for all of the area until 8 PM, and its only 3 PM.

Well put

Like always Tuesday's edition of the Colbert Report had a great balance of comedy and insight during the interview. Stephen interviewed George Will on the state of politics and the role it plays.




The line of the night was Political Parties "help us organize our animosities."
I find blogging is also a great way to organize your animosities.

Game, set, match

If looks official, Barack Obama will be the democratic nominee for president. This is something that we have all known for a few months now. The sad part is that Hilary Clinton still will not concede that Barack has one, even though he has enough delegates officially. That's like after a football game, even though the score says you lost, you won't admit it, and you still show up to play in the next round of the playoffs. Or it's like if your wife left you, you won't admit that the marriage is over and you still set a plate at dinner for her every night even 3 years later.

She just needs to face the music and concede, because as a wise man once said, "all things must pass."

Labels

I was flipping channels tonight trying to find something to watch that wouldn't make me angrier. (a losing battle) I stopped for about 3 minutes on some stupid reality game show on Fox waiting for House to come on (which it never did). They were asking the guy what he did for a living. He said he was a bartend, then he paused and then said "and I'm a musician." Just because you played s**tty emo songs about how sensitive you are in an effort to get your girlfriend back, doesn't make you a musician.



It's seems like "musician" is one of the only labels one can give themself. Just because I once removed my own tonsels, I'm not allowed to call myself a doctor. Just because my ex-wife you to sleep with anyone, I wouldn't call myself a pimp. If you want to call yourself a musician you actually have to make music that other people would want to listen to, and will actually pay you to listen to. So therefore most of "popular music" is excluded, especially every American Idol winner ever.

Wood Knocking

Let us first knock on wood:
The Brewers are actually starting to look good again. They have won 5 of 6 against teams that are better than them (record wise) and the past two they looked good offensively and defensively. Sheets is a stud, and MUST be resigned. Bush has learned to pitch again. Villeneuva has allowed 0 runs as a reliever. (McClung shouldn't be starting, he has not got out of the 5th inning) We don't miss Gagne (hopefully that stays true). Our bats are alive again. Who knew we even still had Branyan in the minors, and he can hit now. Braun is and always was a stud, and the face of the franchise. Fielder is coming around, even though you would like a few more home runs, at least he is getting hits. Corey Hart is still proving he is probably the second best player on the team after Braun. Let's hope we can stay consistent because we are still 7 games back and we all know eventually the Cubs will choke and we need to be in striking distance when that happens.

Writer's Block (again)

I am always amazed with the s**tty caliber of movies each year outside of a handful of movies. The majority of movies that come out are down right awful. Is it really that difficult to write a movie that someone with half a brain would be interested in seeing? Apparently it is.

I ran into this little nugget about a new movie deal that was signed. They are going to make movies about a handful of Hasbro board games. Are you kidding me? Board games? Video game movies are awful and always star The Rock or Vin Diesel. I can only imagine how awful these movies will be. Sadly all these movies have been made already.

• Monopoly (Wall Street)
• Candy Land (Willy Wonka)
• Battleship (Crimson Tide and Hunt for Red October)
• Magic (Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter)
• Stretch Armstrong (Inspector Gadget
• Ouji (Poltergeist)

Anyone who has any part of these movies (on camera or behind camera) needs to be shot in the face and anyone who sees these movies needs to drown to death. You all have nothing better to do with your time or money? Sad.

A bit extreme don't you think?

I was watching TV the other night and saw a preview for the local 10 o'clock news about a story that said "How one school district is dealing with the gasoline crisis?" Since I am not a fan of local news, I passed on watching and decided to read a 30 second summary on the Internets.

So they are dealing with the crisis by only having school 4 days a week? What? So instead of educate the populous so they can maybe find solutions to the worlds current problems we are removing them from school and dumbing the down. Brilliant. It's been awhile since I read Art of War (great book) but one of the ways discussed to bring a nation to their knees is to immobilize and uneducate their people. It seems as if we are doing that ourselves. Our national government is suggesting we not travel as much and now we are limiting our educational opportunities for our people.

Then again this might all just be because the school district is in Minnesota, no one ever said their governmental body was intelligent.